It’s the advice we have all been given: just be yourself. Has it worked for you though? Are you the person you want to be in all areas of your life? Maybe. Maybe Not. Today I want to challenge this common advice with an alternate piece: don’t be yourself.

Who Are You?

Firstly, I think it is important you consider the question: who am I? Now forgive me if I only briefly cover this question as people have spent their lives trying to answer it. Basically I see three potential answers to this question:

1. I Am Who I Think I Am

As you sit it your chair reading this, take a moment to consider that since birth you have continually developed a knowledge and understanding of yourself. This self-identity includes physical, psychological, and social attributes, and will have been influenced by your habits, attitudes, beliefs, and ideas.

2. I Am Who Others Perceive Me To Be

This means that it is what others think of you that gives you your sense of identity. I think we all have a bit of this in us. You can tell, though, when this is someone’s predominant way of thinking as they are obsessed with impressing others.

3. You Are What You Do

In many ways what you do - meaning how you act and how you spend your time - defines who you are. You may see yourself as a loving partner or someone who cares about the environment, but if your actions are not in alignment with this self-identity then how true can it be?

For me, there seems to be an element of truth to each of the above answers. You will also notice that each of these answers are heavily influenced by the others. For example, how others perceive us can be largely based on how we hold ourselves and our actions. The answer to question who am I? seems to lie at the intersection of these three answers.

Why does this matter? Well the big idea is this: who you think you are, how others perceive you, and what you do can all be changed.

You Can Change

As each day passes it may seem that nothing changes. The you from yesterday is probably very similar to the you of today. But here is a quick exercise: close your eyes and think of how your life has changed over the past year. Or over the past 5 years. 10 years. 20 years. Are you living somewhere different? Are you in a different relationship? Do you have different friends? A different hobby? I know, for myself, that my life has changed incredibly over the past 5 years (see my About page for more of my story).

The truth is, you can change your self-identity by getting fit (starting with the physical is often the best place to begin), changing a habit, incorporating a new idea into your life or learning a new skill. You can also change how others perceive you by being more open or getting involved in more social activities. Finally, you can change the way you act. At any moment you are free to choose how you act, so it makes sense that you can choose to act differently to how you have in the past, eg being proactive rather than reactive.

Don’t Be Yourself

Before reading on, I suggest taking a quick moment to pause and think about what aspects of your life you are not happy with and would like to change. Even better, write them down.

Ok, if you have read this far I need to qualify my advice not to be yourself. There are many reasons why, and situations in which, you should be yourself. My advice relates to particular aspects of yourself and your life that you are not happy with and want to change. Some examples are:

• Health: bad habits eg smoking and excessive drinking.
• Social: poor public speaking, few friends, difficulties speaking to people.
• Financial: bad spending habits, a poor person’s mentality.
• Relationships: history of bad relationships, feelings of insecurity.

So if I am suggesting that you don’t be yourself in particular aspects of your life, the obvious question is: who should you be? I believe you should shift your identity so that you begin to see yourself as the person you want to be.

Shifting Your Identity

In many ways, our lives involve us trying to get from Point A (where we are) to Point B (where we want to be). Shifting your identity involves taking on the identity and associated actions of someone who is already at point B. That is, if you want to be fit and healthy, take on the identity of a fit and healthy person by exercising and eating well. If you want to be popular, be confident and open with other people. If you want to be wealthy, take control of your finances, invest, and constantly be on the lookout for money making opportunities (you may not want to spend like a wealthy person though until you are wealthy!).

So then, my advice Don’t Be Yourself is based on the idea that we can change and involves:

1. Deciding the person you want to be (eg healthy, successful, rich, popular, a good partner).
2. Pinpointing how such people act (eg eat well, exercise, network, save, invest, be confident, show affection)
3. Incorporating the actions of point 2 into your life so that your identity shifts to that of the person you want to be.

If you would like to hear more about this idea of shifting your identity, I recommend Steve Pavlina’s podcast on Faster Goal Achievement.

Tags: Health & Fitness, Money, Relationships, Success & Habits, personal growth //