Reigniting the Fire Within
This is a story of reigniting the fire within. The fire I refer to is the one that drives people to fight hard for the win, to push through the pain barrier when it hurts like hell, to wake early and start the day when all you want is 5 more minutes of sleep, and to finish the job when you would rather be doing something else. This story features a boy who had this fire, a teen who lost it, and a man who desperately wants it back.
My Dad affectionately refers to me during my younger years, say up to the age of 12, as “little Pete”. For little Pete, the fire within was something so natural that it wasn’t even thought of. I loved sports and each weekend when I went out onto the tennis court, basketball court, or football oval, I felt as if I was heading into battle. These clashes were what I dreamed of, and practiced for, all week. And once I was out in the arena, nothing would stop me trying to claim victory.
As I went into my mid-teens, things started to change. For whatever reason, my friends at school started to disappear (well they were still at school…. they just weren’t my friends anymore). I became what could be called a “loner”. Faced with this unpopularity, I instinctively established a defense mechanism which was not to care. This attitude, however, was contagious. What was initially done as a way to cope with being unpopular quickly became an attitude towards life. I didn’t care about life. I lost my curiosity for learning new things. I lost my passion for sport and the related drive to win. I lost the fire within.
About 5 years ago (I am now 25) things started to change again. Firstly, I discovered that I could be happy again. I had a lot of fun for a few years, but I would classify the type of fun I was having as unsustainable (think regular heavy drinking and late nights). Although I was happy, I lacked focus and direction. As I have written about elsewhere, the event that started me upon this personal development journey just over a year ago was the news that I would be a father. I asked myself: how can I be a responsible for, and a model to, another human being if my own life isn’t in order?
Since taking an interest in personal growth, I have read many books and studied some very successful people. One character trait that the very best - think Richard Branson, Steve Jobs, Oprah, and Donald Trump - share is the an unparalleled drive to succeed no matter what stands in their way. They have the fire roaring inside them and it is this fire I desperately want to reignite.
Sometimes I wonder how life would be different if I still had the characteristics of “little Pete”. In some ways it would be easier because the fire would be a natural instinct. However, I learnt a lot of valuable lessons in my “lost years” that have given me a new perspective on life. For example, winning is not everything and some battles just aren’t worth fighting. I am happy with who I am, and as such would not change the past. That does not mean, however, I cannot appreciate how my drive to win and be a success was once so instinctive.
I’m not sure that the fire that once roared within me will ever again be so natural. I believe, however, through conscious effort it is possible to build a strong fire to rival that which burnt in my younger years. For me, a crucial element has been to identify the characteristics of a roaring fire. I consider the most important of these characteristics to be:
- A drive to win when it matters: whether or not something matters is, of course, highly subjective. The important thing is that I have established what matters to me. These days I am a very laid back person, so I really need to be able to identify when something is important to me so that I can ‘flick the switch’ and focus on winning.
- Sparks of curiosity: to be excited about life means, in my opinion, to have sparks of curiosity constantly flying. This means wanting to know why, who, how, and when about an endless list of things. A “Lust for Life” as Iggy Pop would say.
- Doing what ‘it’ does not want to do: ‘it’ refers to that part of me that is lazy, that wants to quit, and that wants to go to sleep. I think it is normal to have this part of oneself, the important thing is to be able to conquer it. I often run in the morning, and when I do I sprint at the end until I reach the pain barrier - then I push through it by sprinting even faster.
- Finish what I start: this could really come under the above heading but I think this such an important attitude to have that I have given it its own. Often when I am doing a task I will be tempted to stop before I am finished. “That’s good enough” is the sort of phrase that might pop into my head. I how found it is so important to push this mental chatter aside and just finish what has been started.
9 Comments
August 16th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I can seriously relate to this! Most frequently it’s when my alarm goes off. Ha! Maybe if you hadn’t lost your fire for a short time, you wouldn’t be able to make it as bright as you can now. Times in the dark sometimes bring wisdom.
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August 16th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
If you want to light the fire inside, spend the time necessary to find your purpose in life… and do it, whatever it takes. When I took the time to find my purpose in life, I found that it is writing, helping others, and woodworking. I’ve been helping others one at a time for years, and I started writing nearly every day about three or so months ago. Now I just need to find the time, money, and space to start on the woodworking.
The more I do these things, the more my life is filled with satisfaction. It helps to light, as you say, the fire inside. It doesn’t really generate significant amounts of money, yet, but I believe it will. Even if it doesn’t, it’s bringing additional happiness to my life, so it’s worthwhile.
By the way, I went through somewhat of the same time frame, though I had my child at 27, not 25. If I can provide help, let me know.
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August 16th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
bluskygirl: “times in the dark sometimes bring wisdom”. I love that. So true in my case.
Jason: very wise words about finding your purpose. I may even add something on to the end of my article to mention it.
I am getting closer to finding my purpose, but I still haven’t quite figured it out. I guess the problem I have is that I have sides of me that are so very different, I find it hard to reconcile them. It sounds to me that your blog is a big part of your purpose, ie writing and helping people. I have a similar feeling towards my blog, as I really enjoy the feeling of helping others. I am still trying to work out where this fits, though, in the overall context of my life. I know I want to contribute to society and peoples’ lives in a positive way….. but is this something I do for a living or something I do on the side? I think time will tell. Some people may be able to sit down, reflect, and then pinpoint their purpose. Personally, I see it as something that is slowly unravelling before my eyes. I’m sure I will have one of those “Aha! That’s it!” moments.
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August 17th, 2007 at 2:49 am
I think we all run the risk of losing the fire. Those with big imaginations were told to diffuse it and those whom with passion were told to become numb. We tend to degrade the fire within those whom we are close, but inwardly long for the blame to burn within us.
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August 17th, 2007 at 3:10 am
Miracle: that is beautifully written.
Re my above comments about purpose: I have been thinking more about this. In many areas I of my life I have found my purpose (I think my personal mission statement covers these - see my recent post on this if interested). I think it is really my career where I am still finding my way. I know many people don’t want to define themselves by their work, but I think in many ways this is just an excuse for having a boring, unfulfilling job. I want a career that is exciting, rewarding, and that helps define who I am.
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October 2nd, 2007 at 9:42 am
I am not sure if you would call it a “fire” but when you see someone doing what they love ie in their work or home life, that is amazing, no matter what it is. I think it is worth burning with fire long enough to find out where you are meant to be in life - if we are all unique then we all have a special part to play in life and if you agree with the recent scientific theories that we live in a holographic universe, meaning that we are all connected and all “one” then each move forward that an individual makes is a move forward for everyone so it’s kind of your responsibility to find your place in life and help others to do the same - which I guess is the benefit of this blog site isn’t it Pete? We are not alone so if you can’t find yourself then help someone find themselves and maybe you will be inspired?
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November 6th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
I have to tell you I really enjoyed this article. It is so easy to just want to give up and let the fire die but so important not to. Thanks for writing this!
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November 6th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
Kathylynn: thank you. This is a very personal article, so to hear that you enjoyed it means a lot to me
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November 6th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
Sure is hard to keep it lit sometimes, though… just have to pull back and back until you get to your core principles, sometimes, then build out again from there.
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