When you stop trying to find the right man and start becoming the right woman, the right man will find his way to you.  – Cher

Who would be your perfect spouse?  Your Mr. or Mrs. Right?

I bet most of us have come up with answers to these questions, whether informally in our head or on a checklist we keep at the bottom of a desk drawer.

When I was a teenager this question of ‘Who is your Mr. Right?’ was forever turned on it’s head by an older, happily married gentleman.

He said words that I’ve never forgotten.

“Instead of asking yourself ‘who is my Mr. Right?’ you need to ask yourself ‘who are you Mrs. Right for?’  What kind of person are you?  Do you have the character, outlook, and lifestyle that would be attractive to Mr. Right?  If not, work to become a person that would be of the caliber of your ideal spouse.”

As a typical self involved high schooler I hadn’t ever thought of my half of the partnership equation before, but the idea of becoming Mrs. Right rang true to me.

I remember thinking of a particular person who exemplified my ideals of Mr. Right.

He was a high achiever.  Independent.  A person of substance.

Who would be Mrs. Right for him?

Someone strong.  Someone interesting.  Someone who had their stuff together.

At the time this description did not fit me.  I was a sullen, reserved teenager who didn’t have a clear sense of who I was or what I wanted from life.

But I really wanted to be the type of person who caught my Mr. Right’s eye.

So I decided to start doing things a bit differently.

Instead of perfecting my wallflower look I made a point of speaking up in class and talking to new people.

I worked to become more honest and dependable.

I tried a bunch of things that I’d never done before, like volunteering with a crisis hotline, writing, and doing stand-up.  Doing these new and challenging activities helped me to figure out what interested me and what I wanted to do with my life.

Overall, the guiding principle of becoming ‘Mrs. Right’ inspired me to take risks, to shoot higher, and to come out of my shell and into my own.

There’s something wonderful about finding that special someone to share your life with.  The idea that I could impact the quality of a future relationship by working on myself was motivating enough to me to make big changes in my life.

And it all comes back to a few, simple questions.

Who is your Mr. or Mrs. Right?

Who would be right for them?

What are you doing to become that person?

Alison Elissa Horner

Alison Elissa Horner specializes in helping people figure out their career direction. You can sign up to receive free tips on navigating your career at www.alisonelissa.com.  Alison is also currently offering a free telecourse called ‘Creating a Winning Career Plan’.

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