About Deborah Fike

Deborah Fike is a full-time mom and founder of Avalon Labs, which provides consultations and writing services for start-ups and online businesses. She believes in the power of self-reflection and positive change.

Author Archive | Deborah Fike

Help Others Help Themselves: A Quick Guide to Mentorship

I have been a teacher on and off during my career. I’m currently “on” again, teaching an entrepreneurship course for undergraduates at a local university. Business courses tend to focus on team project work because that’s how businesses are run: a group of people working together to achieve a common goal.

Inevitably, whenever I teach a course that involves teamwork, at least one student hits me up mid-semester with a complaint about a teammate. Usually it is an expectation issue where one student hasn’t contributed as much to the project as other students would like. Generally, the students turn to me to resolve the issue, which wouldn’t be such a huge deal except every time this happens, no one has actually talked to the alleged “underachieving” student and tried to fix the issue themselves.

Why “Having it All” isn’t the Best Goal

By Deborah Fike 21

Being a freelance consultant and full-time mom, I’m always interested in how parents (men and women) juggle their professional and personal lives. Not surprisingly, I’ve been following Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg and her recent book Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. More fascinating than the book itself is the reaction it has garnered in the media: from very positive reviews praising her stance on balancing work and life issues to very negative reviews that bash millionaire Sandberg for not understanding a more modest woman’s struggles.

All the arguments seem to boil down to one simple question for working parents: Can they “have it all” – the rewarding challenge of a full-time career and the joy of raising a child in such a way that you can be there for all the “little moments?” And therein lies the problem. By framing the question “Can you have it all?” I believe a person is setting themselves up for disappointment. Here’s why:

How to Find Energy to Achieve Your Goals

By Deborah Fike 34

The saying goes, “Every journey begins with a single step.” For me, at least, the problem isn’t that first step. I can delve into projects with great enthusiasm, no problem. It’s usually step number 352 that gets me down. Then, through lack of energy or simple frustration, I simply get off the road.

Achieving a goal often feels more like a bell curve to me. The beginning is great, and when I reach the end, all is well. It’s that pesky middle area, when the bump in the road appears and I feel like I’m running uphill for miles, that’s the hardest to overcome. I keep looking for the end to be in sight, and when I can’t see it, I can get discouraged and give up.

Embracing an Ever Changing You

By Deborah Fike 23

At some time or another, we have all felt like we’re stuck in a rut. No matter what we try or what we do, everything around us stays the same. Even worse, when we try to change, we end up feeling like the same old person. No amount of New Year’s resolutions, self-help books, or community groups can make us feel different.

I certainly can relate to feeling stuck. Deciding to be a stay-at-home mom these past 18 months has meant my days have melded into one long string of diaper changes, laundry, reading board books, and singing the same songs over and over again. Sure, I attend play dates and library story hour, but time still runs together.

5 Ways to Feel Less Isolated When Facing Change

By Deborah Fike 17

People deal with stress and emotional pain in many ways. I’m one of those people who slaps on a happy face and tries to face it head on, alone. That doesn’t mean I bury my emotions. I just don’t like to show people when I’m going through a tough time. I also get satisfaction out of solving my own problems. In most cases, I find a workable solution, and the situation resolves itself.

No Matter What Happens, You Can Always Be Thankful

By Deborah Fike 26

My 15-month-old daughter caught her second flu this month, and I lost a little perspective. My husband and I had been barely two weeks free of coughing, inconsolable crying, and sleepless nights when the cycle started all over again. I worried for my child as I rocked her through the days and nights. I felt sorry for my husband, who looked as haggard as I felt. And a ball of self-pity welled up in my gut as her illness ruined our holiday plans. Why did we have to go through this again? Hadn’t we been through enough?

Then I logged into Facebook and read a few things that made me feel more thankful for my life.

The Art of Compromise

By Deborah Fike 7

Not many people like to compromise, and why should they? A compromise means two people need to exchange something, but one or both can’t easily come to an agreement. Whether it’s negotiating a work-related partnership or negotiating who will do the dishes at home, we want things to work out in our favor.

When we use the term “compromise,” we often use it to describe something in which we lost more than we gained, but coming to a compromise doesn’t have to be a losing game. Notice how the word breaks down: “com” and “promise,” or in other words, “we make a pledge together.” That means you should be getting something out of the deal.

5 Lessons Learned from a Toddler

By Deborah Fike 31

If I could summarize my world for you in one sentence, it would be: chasing my toddler. I know the back of my daughter’s scruffy blonde head anywhere: dashing across the living room, making a break for the next grocery aisle, or attempting to go up the slide (much more fun than going down). My old day job required me to attend meetings and sit in front of a computer most of the day. Now, I’m lucky if I get 10 minutes to sit down for a breather before my girl has me running to catch up with her.

I’ve never raised a child before, and given my personality, I decided to read about it. All the toddler self-help books talk about what you need to teach them: how to play with others, learn language, go potty. These books contain great advice for child rearing, but none discuss the things parents learn from toddlers. I have learned at least as much from my daughter as she has learned from me. So here are some tips for living from someone who just started her life journey: