Author: Deborah Fike

The Balance Between Being Content and Striving for More

I recently volunteered at a charity event run by a good friend of mine who’s trying to start a non-profit.  By all accounts, the event was a success and went very smoothly, but my friend felt frazzled by how much work it took to launch an organization.  She worried about not properly prioritizing her time between her family, her venture, and other commitments she had made.  Overall, she wondered if she had taken the proverbial last bite that was too much to chew. Her problem struck a chord with me because lately, I feel I have the opposite problem. ...

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Take a Journey of Self-Improvement by Considering Others

If you are a regular reader of The Change Blog, odds are you’re looking to better yourself.  You’re trying to make a career change, make yourself happier, or just gain a little extra advice from someone who has been down a similar path.  You likely yearn to break bad habits and form good ones.  You want to start a new day knowing that you’ve made just a little bit of improvement on yourself over the last.  All of these are noble goals. Notice, however, how all the prior sentences begin with “you.” The word “self-improvement” seems to imply that...

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One Last Lesson from my Father-in-Law

The first time I met my father-in-law, Bill, I had blue hair and had just gotten through a tough divorce.  I had very different political and religious views than he did.  My future husband and I had only been dating a few months, but we had already moved in together.  My husband, afraid that his parents would not approve of me, sent them a stern email about how they should treat me with respect.    Clearly, this was not an ideal situation for meeting anyone. And yet, Bill and I got along from the very start.  He had a quick...

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Why Facebook Does Not Reflect Reality

I went through a divorce during the Social Media Age.  It can be rough having your life thrown out of balance, but then glance on Facebook and feel like you are the only unhappy person in a sea of perfect lives.  I decided not to discuss the impending separation and kept all those intense negative emotions to myself, a therapist and two close friends.  It was a real shock to people when my Facebook status went from married to single.  I received a lot of comments like “WHAT?!?!” or “How could this happen?” We generally believe that social media...

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Relationships Take Work (But Not In the Way You Think)

Have you heard of the seven-year itch?  The classic term describes how a marriage declines around the seventh year, largely because the two partners aren’t as satisfied with each other as they once were. My first serious relationship crashed and burned in a spectacular way around the seven year, so I’ve carried this idea around for quite some time.  Now my second marriage is closing in on the seven years, and for a while, I’ve waited for the other shoe to drop.  When will he become dissatisfied with me?  When will I start daydreaming about getting out of the relationship?  How...

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