Deborah Fike

Deborah Fike is the founder of Avalon Labs, which provides marketing consultations and writing services for start-ups and online businesses.   She carves out a significant portion of her time to raising her two young daughters.

The Myth of the Dream Job and the True Pursuit of Happiness

By / 49 Comments
dream job myth

“If you want to be happy, find a career doing what you love.”

It’s a simple enough motto, echoed through homes, classrooms, and counselor’s offices across the nation. It was the singular motto of my youth. If I wanted to break out of the family’s dying farming business, I needed to get educated and pursue a career I was wildly passionate about. Only then would I unlock the door to success and fulfillment.

But what happens when you get your dream job, and it doesn’t solve all your problems?

The Myth of the Dream Job and the True Pursuit of Happiness Read More »

How Controlling Ourselves Can Help Change Others

By / 19 Comments
change others

For eight years, I believed that I could transform my ex-husband into someone else. I encouraged him, coached him, cheered him…anything in my power to change him into what I viewed as his full potential. Even though he constantly asked for my help, the truth was, he never put his full heart into it. I wanted him to change much more than he did, and I was so blind by my mission that I never accepted him for who he was. Not surprisingly, this conflict contributed to the end of our marriage.

We want to believe that we are a positive force for change, both in our lives and in those around us. We see role models accomplishing this all the time. Great teachers can mold young minds. Great philanthropists can provide opportunities to those who have none. But just because you want others to change doesn’t mean you control them. In the end, it is up to each individual to live his own life.

So while we can’t control others, there are things in our control that may influence others to change for the better:

How Controlling Ourselves Can Help Change Others Read More »

Dealing with the Calm Before the Storm

By / 16 Comments
calm before the storm

As I write this, I am less than two weeks away from the birth of my second child. Life as I know it now will be dramatically different once the new child is born. In some ways, I will re-learn what it means to be a parent, as all children are different. My expectations will break and reform as I navigate the world of raising both a toddler and an infant. I will need to help my elder daughter cope with this dramatic transition. I have no idea when I’m supposed to sleep during all of this. There’s only one thing I know for certain: things will change, and not always in the way I expect them.

I call these periods before dramatic change the “calm before the storm.” We’ve all experienced them. Leaving for college, changing jobs, coping with relationship changes, and many other situations can create these little pockets of borrowed time. There are two general facets to dealing with them: “enjoy your last moments of familiarity” vs. “prepare yourself for change.”

Dealing with the Calm Before the Storm Read More »

5 Ways to Get Out of a Slump

By / 35 Comments
get out of a slump

You know the feeling. You haven’t felt like doing anything – fun, professional, or otherwise – in a long while. When you have a stretch of free time, you end up surfing the web or watching bad TV, then feel guilty about it later. You have higher ambitions, but can’t commit yourself. If you had to sum up your attitude in one word, it would be “blah.”

Welcome to Slump World.

5 Ways to Get Out of a Slump Read More »

Help Others Help Themselves: A Quick Guide to Mentorship

By / 29 Comments
mentorship

I have been a teacher on and off during my career. I’m currently “on” again, teaching an entrepreneurship course for undergraduates at a local university. Business courses tend to focus on team project work because that’s how businesses are run: a group of people working together to achieve a common goal.

Inevitably, whenever I teach a course that involves teamwork, at least one student hits me up mid-semester with a complaint about a teammate. Usually it is an expectation issue where one student hasn’t contributed as much to the project as other students would like. Generally, the students turn to me to resolve the issue, which wouldn’t be such a huge deal except every time this happens, no one has actually talked to the alleged “underachieving” student and tried to fix the issue themselves.

Help Others Help Themselves: A Quick Guide to Mentorship Read More »

Why “Having it All” isn’t the Best Goal

By / 21 Comments
having it all

Being a freelance consultant and full-time mom, I’m always interested in how parents (men and women) juggle their professional and personal lives. Not surprisingly, I’ve been following Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg and her recent book Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. More fascinating than the book itself is the reaction it has garnered in the media: from very positive reviews praising her stance on balancing work and life issues to very negative reviews that bash millionaire Sandberg for not understanding a more modest woman’s struggles.

All the arguments seem to boil down to one simple question for working parents: Can they “have it all” – the rewarding challenge of a full-time career and the joy of raising a child in such a way that you can be there for all the “little moments?” And therein lies the problem. By framing the question “Can you have it all?” I believe a person is setting themselves up for disappointment. Here’s why:

Why “Having it All” isn’t the Best Goal Read More »

How to Find Energy to Achieve Your Goals

By / 35 Comments
find energy

The saying goes, “Every journey begins with a single step.” For me, at least, the problem isn’t that first step. I can delve into projects with great enthusiasm, no problem. It’s usually step number 352 that gets me down. Then, through lack of energy or simple frustration, I simply get off the road.

Achieving a goal often feels more like a bell curve to me. The beginning is great, and when I reach the end, all is well. It’s that pesky middle area, when the bump in the road appears and I feel like I’m running uphill for miles, that’s the hardest to overcome. I keep looking for the end to be in sight, and when I can’t see it, I can get discouraged and give up.

How to Find Energy to Achieve Your Goals Read More »

Embracing an Ever Changing You

By / 23 Comments
changing

At some time or another, we have all felt like we’re stuck in a rut. No matter what we try or what we do, everything around us stays the same. Even worse, when we try to change, we end up feeling like the same old person. No amount of New Year’s resolutions, self-help books, or community groups can make us feel different.

I certainly can relate to feeling stuck. Deciding to be a stay-at-home mom these past 18 months has meant my days have melded into one long string of diaper changes, laundry, reading board books, and singing the same songs over and over again. Sure, I attend play dates and library story hour, but time still runs together.

Embracing an Ever Changing You Read More »

5 Ways to Feel Less Isolated When Facing Change

By / 16 Comments
feel less isolated

People deal with stress and emotional pain in many ways. I’m one of those people who slaps on a happy face and tries to face it head on, alone. That doesn’t mean I bury my emotions. I just don’t like to show people when I’m going through a tough time. I also get satisfaction out of solving my own problems. In most cases, I find a workable solution, and the situation resolves itself.

5 Ways to Feel Less Isolated When Facing Change Read More »

No Matter What Happens, You Can Always Be Thankful

By / 25 Comments
be thankful

My 15-month-old daughter caught her second flu this month, and I lost a little perspective. My husband and I had been barely two weeks free of coughing, inconsolable crying, and sleepless nights when the cycle started all over again. I worried for my child as I rocked her through the days and nights. I felt sorry for my husband, who looked as haggard as I felt. And a ball of self-pity welled up in my gut as her illness ruined our holiday plans. Why did we have to go through this again? Hadn’t we been through enough?

Then I logged into Facebook and read a few things that made me feel more thankful for my life.

No Matter What Happens, You Can Always Be Thankful Read More »