4 Steps to Giving Yourself the Love You Never Got

4 Steps to Giving Yourself the Love You Never Got

“Those who know the secret of love know the greatest secret of life.” – Osho Even before I was born, I knew that my parents did not want me. They were having yet another child, the 5th, and financial strains would only grow. They found it hard to love me. My father came from a male dominated society and what he truly desired was to have a son. My mother had been the victim of both sexual and physical abuse as a child and real love was a foreign concept to her. They were both sent to harsh boarding schools far away from home when they were only 6 years old and only saw their families once per year. If they were lucky, their parents would write them an occasional letter. When I think about the cold world that my parents came from and how much affection they managed to give to us children, I marvel at their courage. My mother always made sure she cooked us healthy food, played with us and our home was always clean. She would ‘do’ anything for us, yet she could not give it from the heart. That feeling, that love, just was not there for her to offer. She tried so hard to feel it, but she just could not find the connection with love. My father fought very hard to provide for us financially. No matter what, any money that was earned was always spent on us children in order to give us the best opportunities in life. I have never known any person fight as hard for anything as he...
What Life Will You Choose For Yourself?

What Life Will You Choose For Yourself?

“Everything you do is by choice. It may not seem so, but it is…” – Louise Hay In 2012 I had the worst year of my life. I worked in a finance job that I hated and I lived in a concrete jungle city with little greenery. I occupied my time with meaningless relationships and spent copious quantities of money on superficialities. I was searching for happiness and had no idea where to find it. Then I fell ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and became virtually bed bound. I had to quit my job and subsequently was left with no income. I lived with my boyfriend of then only 3 months who financially supported me and our relationship was put under great pressure. I eventually regained my physical health, but not long after that I got a call from my family at home to say that my father’s cancer had fiercely progressed and that he had been admitted to a hospice. I left the city and I went home to be with him. He died 6 months later. My father was a complete inspiration to me. He was always so strong that, for a minute after he drew his last breath, I honestly thought he would come back to life. I couldn’t believe I would never again cuddle into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what. The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5 children and our mother, but we had each other. But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad back. It got so bad after 2 months that...