“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” – Unknown
When I left my corporate job to pursue my passion business, I was so psyched and eager to get it moving. I was so hungry to have my new website up and running that I was saying “Yes” to everything. I thought this would help accelerate the process of making money doing what I love.
I got caught up with my desperation to see results, thinking I am going to defy what others say: “it takes time to get your business up and running.”
I signed up for everything, as I was determined to absorb all the information I can and put the knowledge to work. I even signed up and paid a huge lump sum for web and marketing services with someone who I thought would really provide value without doing my due diligence and checking references. After all, he hung around many people who I respected, so I got lazy and thought to myself I should be fine.
What ended up happening was my gut was right, the web and marketing services I received was not up to par with my expectations. My heart ached knowing I paid way too much for the amount of time I spent on the follow ups and my expectations of the service provided. I needed to relieve myself from the sense of disappointment I felt.
The thing is the more I thought about how I needed to be kind to myself and stop beating myself up, the more wound up I got wound up and let it bother me.
I asked my mentor about this and she said, “well what is keeping you stuck?” I said my judgment towards myself, and my business success is being based on one poor decision I made.
Mentor: Does this belief empower or disempower you?
Me: Disempower
Mentor: What belief can you have instead to help empower you?
Me: I will be successful despite of a bad decision.
As the words came out of me, I was delighted to receive this insight from within.
As the conversation continued, many more nuggets of wisdom surfaced that served as great reminders on how you can shift your mindset and relieve yourself from a decision you regret.
1. Remember your Passion.
This is about restoring your focus on your end goal instead of the problem. When you have your eyes on the end goal, and why is it important for you to achieve what it is you want, your mind will start to seek solutions instead of dwell in the circumstance. Your tenacity kicks in and this is what keeps you unstuck and drives you forward in getting things done when the going gets tough.
2. See Mistakes as Mis(s)-Takes
I love this concept because it encourages us to experiment and explore. From our mistakes or failures, there’s always a lesson to be learned to help us grow. This is the gem when we are able to accept our “Miss” Take and seek the lesson in the Mistake. In doing so, we shift our energy resourcefully towards focusing on the next steps in getting back on track, rather than using our energy in an un-resourceful way.
3. Nothing is permanent in life. This too shall pass.
Change is a constant in life. It is a bit surreal and uncanny when you think about it, because moment to moment things can change, which means each moment is a start of something new. When things are going well in your life, you try and savor the moment as long as can, because you know things can change. On the other hand, when things aren’t going the way you want, you can’t wait for change. In essence, there is no point to get attached to something, but to appreciate change. When you do, it puts you in the driver seat in taking charge of your next move.
4. Get a mentor or call a trusted friend.
As human beings, it is our innate nature to want to connect with one another, share our experiences and feel supported in our lives. The key is to surround yourself with people who are positive influences and provides you with objective insights that inspire and challenges you to be at your best.
5. Forgive yourself.
Accept your own apology. We often focus on the idea of forgiving others, why not forgive ourselves for making a bad decision and restore the love for ourselves? We not only will feel more at peace and less stressed, but it also positively affects our mental and physical well-being.
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Don’t let a bad decision bring you down. Reclaim your power and put it to good use, in ways that make you feel good and free. What do you do to get over a bad decision?
Photo by Carl Nenzén Lovén
It’s interesting how we see life’s winding road as a series of successes and failures, good decisions and bad decisions. As if there really was a straight line to our goals/dreams but we somehow missed it. The truth is (or at least my perspective :-)): life doesn’t work this way at all. No straight lines. No mistakes, really. Even if they feel like mistakes, they are still experiences, adventures and lessons. There is in that sense nothing to forgive. Thank you for inspiring us to appreciate change!
Thanks Halina! Yes! It’s interesting how we live our life in a world of duality and forget about everything in between. I guess in a way it helps us simplify how we make sense of our lives. But sometimes when we get too caught up with our fixed lines, it’s when we become our own nemesis. So how can we soften our hard edges and blur the lines to help us find relief in our experience, because if we can just shift our perspectives a teeny bit, it can open a whole new world of possibilities. And to your point, you are right, in essence there is no sense to forgive when you are able to see it in that light! And so for me, I like using forgiveness as a tool when I catch myself judging myself over yesterday’s action. It’s works a reminder for me to pause and pivot my thoughts to think yes, yesterday’s actions are part of my life’s experience and lessons. :)
Hi Theresa. This post has some great tips. I beat myself up frequently about decisions I’ve made, but I’m learning that’s not the attitude to adopt if I want to be healthy and happy. I find, too, that if the bad decision involves money, I feel really down. Your first point about focusing on the goal and not on the problem is one that helps me. As soon as I feel my energy being drained away by my negative response to a poor decision, a refocus is all I need to get back on track. Thanks for sharing, Theresa.
Thanks Jenna for your comment and a reminder that your attitude determines your direction!
Hi Theresa, I am new to comment here and agree with your explanation about how to overcome our past Miss-take. It is very true that when we consider our situation unfavorable, we really want change to happen soon! Yet, that way we suppress our present happiness by attaching ourselves to something we long for. Namely, we will feel happy after achieving better income, after getting married, after having a car or after finishing an important task. Whereas in fact, happiness is a mental habit that we have to practice now. The happy feeling cannot be reserved for later after we solve a specific external problem, as whenever a problem is solved, another one will appear. Therefore, if we want to be happy, we must be happy – full stop – not happy “because”. Thanks for enlightening me through your third point!
I also would like to add, that the regret we experience might be a gifted tool from our Creator to help us pick the lesson from our incorrect decisions. This is why once we have gained the new wisdom, our regret felt inside our chest will gradually and sometimes quickly fade away. So let’s keep reminding ourselves of the end goal. I pray for your increasingly successful future in reaching the goal of leading your and other people’s best lives. Great to know you!
Thanks Yukie for your comment. I love how you said “if we want to be happy, we must be happy – full stop – not happy “because””. So often we wait and is dependent on something to happen or dependent on others when in reality, you can decide to feel happy when you honor yourself, doing things that you feel gives you meaning and purpose. It is through appreciation and living with awareness that we are able to grow our happiness in our lives. And so true once we learn our lesson that heavy energy we feel gets released. Keep up the amazing work you are doing to raise the consciousness of the world. :)
Thank you too Theresa for your reply, appreciation and motivation. You add the point that in terms of happiness, we are sometimes dependent on not only something but also other people! I will follow your advice to keep doing what I feel give sense of purpose to my life. Be radiant always and I will look forward to your next wise counsel. :)
hello Theresa,
very good morning. thank you so much. it was indeed for me. i want to tell you that after reading your post i did forgive myself and i shared my problem with my friend. i am feeling so light and good.
Whoo-hoo! That is amazing Megha! Thank you for sharing. Sending you more light to fill up the new space you’ve created. Also, there’s a simple forgiveness mantra prayer I learned and I can’t remember from what source but I like to say it before I go to bed. “If there is anyone or anything that has hurt me in the past, knowingly and unknowingly, I forgive and release it. It I have hurt anyone or anything in the past (including myself), knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive and release it for the highest good of others and myself.”
Great post, Theresa! The bit that resonated most for me is the lesson that nothing is permanent. When my health was bad (especially pain, when it’s there in-your-face), it was easy to get caught in the thoughts that this is how it’s always going to be, or maybe even worse than this — and “if only” I’d done something differently, made a different decision. Very unhelpful thinking!
“This too shall pass” is a great mantra. And so true… it does! (when you let it). Thanks for the tips!
Thanks Mely for sharing your experience! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Tip #5 is always one of my favorites. It’s amazing how forgiveness can heal so much and yet, we struggle with it, especially when it comes to self-forgiveness. I always try to remember my mantra; I’m doing the best I can, with what I have, in each moment. Thanks for sharing your post!
Thanks Sandy. I love your mantra. :)
So true, Theresa. Forgiving is a big part of it. It can turn everything upside down, even the way we live life. Thank you so much for your article!
A little late for saying thanks… Nonetheless, Thank You Martina! for taking the time to comment. And forgiveness can turn everything upside down. It can lighten our spirit and set us free!