By Dan Stelter

Anxiety is a condition, just like any other, that can wreak havoc on your life and leave you stressed, lonely, unemployed, and just generally all-around miserable.  This is where I found myself when I was struggling with social anxiety disorder (SAD) and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).  However, again much like any other condition, it is something that can be treated successfully, and you can reach the opposite extreme where you have tons of wonderful friends, fulfilling employment, romantic success, and a general feeling of happiness and well-being.

So, how do you heal anxiety?  Unfortunately, for many the solution is to visit the doctor and see which type of medication he prescribes.  This is one possible step that you can take, but like any other condition, using a more comprehensive approach enhances the level of success you experience.  If clichés make more sense to you, “you get out of it what you put into it.”  Besides taking a few steps, there is an additional point to keep in mind:  what works for one person may not work for another; it is up to you to build your own plan based on what experience teaches you.

Here are some of the techniques that I have learned:

1. Accept help from a professional counselor or psychologist

This is very scary for people in Western society where we are taught to live independently, but life works differently.  Using the aid of knowledgeable others can be incredibly helpful.  Counselors typically have very gentle personalities and an open, calm, and accepting manner.  Their goal is to make it as comfortable as possible for you to interact with them.  Attempting to recover from anxiety on your own does work, but working with a counselor is like strapping on a jetpack – it helps you to grow at an incredibly rapid pace.  One caveat is that not all counselors or psychologists can work with all people.  If things simply are not working between you and your counselor, feel free to move on to another one.

2. Exercise regularly

Not only is exercise good for you physically, but it is also great for reducing anxiety and stress.  Exercise releases endorphins which cause you to experience a general sense of happiness and well-being.  All you need to do to gain the benefits is 3 sessions per week of 20 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise.

3. Regular journaling

For me, I have found it incredibly helpful to journal in order to collect my thoughts at the end of the day.  I typically spend 15-20 minutes writing about what happened.  It helps me to gain clarity and focus, and there is something about putting words on paper that helps to remove the anxious thoughts from my head.  While helpful for me, I have heard of many people who completely hate writing.  If this is the case for you, this is one of those things that seems to be optional.  But, it is always good to at least have the awareness of another tool to reduce your anxiety.

4. Avoid foods that cause anxiety

There are a few different foods and substances that will increase your anxiety if consumed.  Caffeine and alcohol, which are difficult to avoid in American society, are two of the chief aggravators of anxiety.  If you are like me and you really enjoy drinks which contain these two substances, the good news is you do not have to completely eliminate them from your diet.  Instead, you just have to minimize your intake.  “Minimizing,” in this case, means like 2-3 caffeinated and alcoholic drinks in a week.  Of course, if you are willing to live with more anxiety, you can consume more, but this is the general guideline.

5. Eat foods that help to reduce anxiety

Be sure to stay well-hydrated.  Dehydration can cause fatigue, and one of the body’s responses to fatigue can be anxiety.  Foods rich in complex carbohydrates such as pastas, brown rice, sweet potatoes, corn, peas, and beans are excellent for maintaining your energy levels and keeping anxiety down.  Another anxiety-reducing substance is tryptophan, and foods high in tryptophan include milk, oats, nuts, and peanut butter.  Finally, one vitamin to make sure you have in your diet is vitamin B-6.  This vitamin helps to regulate serotonin, a neurotransmitter which is responsible for managing your anxiety levels.

6. Maintain a supportive social network

A supportive social network is one that makes you feel okay with having your struggle with anxiety.  Additionally, people who are supportive will offer to help you through the difficulty, or perhaps to find a new way to understand situations that are causing you anxiety.  If people are trying to make you feel guilty, embarrassed, or simply do not want to acknowledge your anxiety condition, the best thing to do is to distance yourself from them.  Of course, if they begin to show an understanding of anxiety, feel free to bring them back into your lives.  You do not have to remove them from your life completely, but you will find that conversations about anxiety will end up going nowhere.  This may be the second most difficult part of getting better from anxiety.

7. Continue to take risks

Without a doubt, this is the most difficult step in recovering from anxiety.  For a while, it may be necessary to retreat from the outside world, find some help, think things over, and figure out how you are going to approach life now that you have recognized anxiety’s effects.  But, eventually, there will come a time where talking and thinking must translate to action.  Action means that you are actively putting yourself in situations that make you anxious.  Most people are surprised when they do this because they actually experience more anxiety!  But, never fear, because that is completely normal.  You are moving outside of your usual comfort zone, and anxiety is a natural response for all people; the difficulty for people with anxiety disorders is that they experience too much anxiety in comparison to the average person.  As you continue to take risks and work through the difficult situations, you will find that eventually you begin to grow in confidence, and people or situations that used to cause you anxiety now cause you little or no anxiety.

8. Use medication

For many, this is the first step to recovering from anxiety.  However, medication is a short-term false fix to a long-term real problem.  When you take medication, it simply reduces the intensity of the physiological effects of anxiety (shaking, sweating, tingling etc…) and the accompanying emotions.  If you have social anxiety, you do not suddenly become a confident and competent extrovert; you still have to take risks and do the work.  Additionally, it can take much time and thousands of dollars before you find a medication and dosage that is right for you.  A certain medication may work for most people, but not all people.  And finally, the side effects of medication may end up outweighing the benefits.  All that being said, medication does have its place, but it has its highest level of effectiveness when working in combination with the other factors given before.

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There are many more methods for healing from anxiety; however, with the exception of journaling, these are the most critical.  Other creative methods for healing from anxiety include playing Nintendo Wii, getting a pet, and using biofeedback, but those require separate articles in themselves.

Overall, the most important point to draw from this article is that anxiety is a challenge that requires a comprehensive, rather than singular approach.  The more of these solutions you use, the lower your anxiety level will be.  If you feel confused or frightened, hopefully this article has helped you to discover which direction to go in the future.  Good luck to everyone who chooses to help themselves and heal their anxiety!

Author bio: Dan Stelter is the founder of The Anxiety Support Network, a blog dedicated to changing the world by treating anxiety.  Read the blog and listen to podcasts, or follow ASN on Twitter.

By Hulbert Lee

Anything in the world is possible. But there is always one thing that stops us from doing it: fear. This can be the fear of starting a new business, the fear of public speaking, or even just the fear of something unknown. Fear often happens when part of us tells us to go for it, and another part of us tell us to be careful of the consequences. Feeling the effects of these consequences can be enough to stop us from taking action all together. But one thing that cancels out all fear is having knowledge of what you’re going up against and then taking action.

Knowledge

For example, when I was younger, one thing that I was always afraid of was math. In middle school, I loved to being creative. I was a person who thought spontaneous and did things on the fly. I remember I got an A in English class for making a Hobbit board game out of Play-Doh – an experiment we did for our final project. But when high school came, it was time to be more serious, and the first serious math class I had was algebra. Although this may have been a very easy subject for many people at the time, I struggled in it.

I realized that I struggled because I was afraid of what was going to be on the test – whether this was adding fractions, multiplying polynomials, or solving linear equations. My dad didn’t want to see me start off high school bad; after all, it was the start of my future. In order to get over this, I remember for two semesters straight, we would sit down everyday in my room and study math problems for three hours straight. It was crazy. Sometimes one unknown problem would take us up to an hour to finish it – the first of 30 problems. But after that, I never feared an algebra test. I aced the tests and got the highest grade in class at the end of the year, even with the option of just getting half of the answers right for the final in order to get an A-. This was how important having knowledge was for getting rid of the fear I had.

Action

Going way back to when I was a child now, another fear I had was piano recitals. They were nerve-racking to just visualize – the fact that you would be put in a silent room surrounded by an audience eager to listen to your best work. I remember constantly telling myself, “What if I forget the notes?” or “What if I play a key wrong?” If any of these things were to happen, the music would sound incomplete, and even awful. The worst possible scenario I thought of was just my mind going completely empty and not being able to play music at the day of the recital. That thought produced all sorts of awkward tension and anxiety.

See, the thing is knowledge is important to conquer our fears, but it’s not the full equation. When doing math tests, I still needed to write the answers on the test form and do in 50 or so minutes. In piano recitals, not only did I need to memorize the music, but I needed to press the keys that corresponded to each note. When I was by myself in my room, I would blank everything out and focus on my fingers going through each note in rhythm. I did this so often that it just became natural. On the day of the recital, the fear was still somewhat there, but not so much. I had already practiced this moment a hundred times at home. As it was my turn to come up, I walked up and sat on the seat. Dozens of family members’ eyes were on me. My piano teacher signaled for me to begin, and I just did it. The last thing I remember was a round of applause.

When you add knowledge and action together, an amazing result happens. You gain a certain power in you that knows that if you were to face a challenge that you were scared of before, you would be able to fly through it the second, third, or fourth time around. In fact, you might even enjoy the challenge because you get better and better at it each time. Some people call this “experience” and others call it “skill”. But the truth of the matter is experience or skill comes from going through fear, but not going through it blindly. It means going through it with immense knowledge of what you’re dealing with and constant repetitive actions of what you will have to go through. At the end of this process, fear becomes nothing.

How have you overcome fear in your life?

Author bio: Hulbert writes about ways to help people go from the bottom of life to the top of life. Visit his blog at FromBottomUp.com.

By Mark Harrison

“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”  ~ Vincent Van Gogh

We are all beset with doubts sometimes. Even the most self-assured and successful people can be unsure of themselves. Some people are clearly more confident than others, though. To what extent this is ‘nature’ and ‘nurture’ is unclear, though I suspect that ‘nurture’ has a lot to do with it. I’ve seen my own confidence wax and wane over the years, and external factors have certainly played a part. Some signs that you might be lacking somewhat in confidence are:

• Thinking that other people are better than you
• Expecting the worst outcome
• Engaging in negative self-talk
• Feeling the need to justify your behavior to others
• Overreacting to criticism
• Not having many friends or avoiding social situations
• Body language that is defensive and closed.

If you have some of these traits, perhaps you need to consider building more confidence. Can this be done? I think it’s clear is that confidence, like most other traits, can be developed. Like a muscle, with training and in time, it can become strong and powerful. To put it another way: confidence is a habit – confidence begets confidence. Here are some training ideas to develop this most important of habits.

Make friends with your failings and limitations

This is a key area. Obviously, you are not perfect – far from it. So long as you are challenging yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone and seeking to develop, you will be making mistakes. The mistakes are signs of growth and nothing to be ashamed of.. Confident people are comfortable in their own skin, happy with themselves in all their imperfection. They have nothing to prove.

Don’t be pushy or aggressive

Confidence can manifest itself in many different ways, and sometimes there is a visibly assertive quality to it, but there is also a quieter and more restrained confidence. When you meet a confident person, you tend to pick up that the person is happy with himself and feels comfortable in her own skin. Confidence does not mean aggressive, pushy, loud or superior, which is often a sign of over-compensation for some kind of inferiority complex.

Don’t be defensive

Listening to and acting on criticism is an important part of being confident. It is often very hard for us to be objective about ourselves, and other people can give us great insights into our strengths and weaknesses. Of course, we have to be critical about the things that people tell us, not falling into credulity and taking everything they say at face value. But the insights afforded by others can be very valuable. If people laugh at you or attack you, this probably says more about them than about you. Insecure people often try to cover up their feelings of inadequacy by falling into such behaviors.

Do what you believe to be right

Confident people tend to rely on an internal guidance system to keep them going along the right track, whereas those with less confidence can be buffeted around by other people’s opinions and agendas. Having an inner compass is an essential part of living assertively and confidently, and following the compass can sometimes mean having to take risks. But without risk, there is no growth.

Set challenging goals

Confident people tend to live in a more conscious and deliberate way, setting goals for themselves. They are secure enough to tolerate failure, and are comfortable with not getting things right first time. If we are not growing, then we are falling back – there is always movement. As we challenge ourselves, our comfort zone grows, and this growth often involves the pain of failure. This pain is too much for insecure people to bear. But to confident people, failure is only a stepping-stone, not the destination. Success, for confident people, is inevitable. It’s only a matter of time.

Keep a record of your achievements

It is common for people with limited self-confidence to compare themselves unfavorably with others. Such people may assume that others are ‘better’ and have achieved more, so it can be very helpful to make a list of achievements. If you do this, you may find that the list is longer than you thought. Imagine what you would think if this were a list of someone else’s achievements. Would you be impressed? Would you think highly of that person?

Learn to be optimistic

People who lack self-confidence are often pessimistic about the future and tend to think the worst. It’s important to replace negative, self-defeating mental chatter with upbeat, positive self-talk. All day long, thoughts are swirling around inside our head and we need to be conscious about this. Such self awareness isn’t easy, but with some gentle persistence you can become more aware of your thoughts and, when you catch yourself thinking in a negative way, replace the thought with something more positive. Examples of negative thinking are: exaggerating the negative aspects of things, taking things personally, feeling you are being blamed for things or feeling like a victim, to name just a few. Simply being aware of negative thinking modalities can be a great help in overcoming them. When you catch yourself thinking in such negative ways, try to replace the thought with something more self-affirming.

Take a balanced approach

The benefits of confidence are clear but, as with most things, too much of it can be unhealthy. Over-confidence, which can lead to errors of judgment and under-performance, is dangerous and should be guarded against. Confidence is about getting the balance right.

Relax

Confident people are more relaxed, happier and enjoy situations, however challenging, a lot more than those with low self-esteem, trusting that they can deal with whatever problems and challenges might arise. If you fail, if you get it all wrong, it won’t be the end of the world. If you’re tense and worried about how you’re being perceived, your energy is being wasted – it’s not going into the matter at hand. So let go, take the focus of attention off yourself, relax and enjoy the ride.

“Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”  ~ Norman Vincent Peale

The benefits of being confident are clear: you’ll be happier, more relaxed and probably healthier. You’ll use time more effectively because you won’t be worrying endlessly about other people’s opinions, and you’ll have a clearer sense of purpose, so you’ll be a lot more effective. Confidence, in a sense, is the key to happiness and fulfillment.

“What a fool am I, thus to lie in a stinking dungeon, when I may as well walk at liberty!  I have a key in my bosom, called Promise, that will, I am persuaded, open any lock in Doubting Castle.” ~ John Bunyan

Author bio: Mark Harrison writes at Effortless Abundance. Check out his latest book, Thirty Days to Change Your Life.

By Ali Hale

There are lots of ways to improve your self-confidence over the long-term – but sometimes you need an instant boost. You can’t walk into an important work meeting, (or a class at college or a room full of strangers at a party) whilst frantically re-reading a self-help manual, or making a last-minute phone call to your life-coach. So here are ten secrets to boosting your self-confidence in just a few seconds…

10 Secrets for Instant Self-Confidence

1. Smile

The one-second tip for when you’re feeling nervous and unconfident is simply to smile! You don’t just smile because you are happy and confident – you can smile to make yourself feel better. The act of smiling is so strongly associated with positive feelings that it’s almost impossible to feel bad while smiling.

Smiling is much more then just a facial expression. The simple act of smiling releases feel-good endorphins, improves circulation to the face, makes you feel good about yourself in general and can definitely increase your self confidence. … you will also appear more confident to others while you’re smiling.

(5 Easy and Effective Ways to Improve Your Self-Confidence, LovnLivin.com)

2. Make eye contact

As well as smiling, meet the eyes of other people in the room. Give them your smile; you’ll almost certainly get one back, and being smiled at is a great self-confidence boost. Like smiling, eye contact shows people that you’re confident. Staring at your shoes or at the table reinforces your feelings of self-doubt and shyness.

This tip is particularly useful for work-related situations – make eye contact with interviewers, or with the audience for your presentation:

Eye contact helps take the fear away from the speaker by getting the audience closer to him. Stress is mainly a result of being with the unknown and uncontrollable. Eye contact gives the speaker a picture of the reality that is the audience. It also helps in getting the attention of the audience.

(Confident Eye Contact, Unlimited Confidence)

3. Change your inner voice

Most of us have a critical inner voice that tells us we’re stupid, not good enough, that we’re too fat, thin, loud, quiet… Being able to change that inner voice is key to feeling self-confident on the inside, which will help you project your confidence to the world. Make your inner voice a supportive friend who knows you fully but also recognizes your talents and gifts, and wants you to make the best of yourself.

You still want to be able to hear the message, so don’t make it so chilled and laid back that you never take any notice of it. You can even choose 2, 3 or as many voices as you want for different occasions. Your voice should always support you, always be helpful, never aggressive and it never puts you down.

(Shut the Duck Up, Pick the Brain)

4. Forget other people’s standards

Whatever the situation that’s causing you a crisis of self-confidence, you can help yourself immeasurably by holding yourself to your own standards alone. Other people have different values from you, and however hard you try, you’ll never please everyone all of the time. Don’t worry that people will think you’re too overweight, underweight, too feckless, too boring, too frugal, too frivolous … hold yourself to your standards, not some imagined standards belonging to others. And remember that commonly-held values and standards vary from society to society: you don’t have to accept them just because the people around you do.

People’s values define what they want personally, but morals define what the society around those people want for them. Certain behaviors are considered to be desirable by a given society, while others are considered to be undesirable. For the most part, however, morals are not written in stone, or proclaimed by God above, but instead reflect local sensibilities. Different societies have different ideas about what is acceptable and not acceptable.

(Values and Morals Clarification, MentalHealth.net)

5. Make the most of your appearance

Even if you’ve only got a minute or two, duck into the bathroom to make sure you’re looking your best. Brushing your hair, giving your face a good wash, retouching your makeup, straightening your collar, checking you’ve not got a bit of parsley stuck between your teeth … all of these can make the difference between feeling confident in your physical appearance and feeling anxious about an imagined flaw.

Perfect your physical appearance: There’s no denying that one’s grooming plays a crucial role in building confidence. Although we know what’s on the inside is what truly counts, your physical appearance will be the first to create an impression.

(Building Blocks to Self-Confidence, Complete Wellbeing)

6. Pray or meditate briefly

If you believe in a higher power, whether God, or another spiritual force, it can be a real boost to self-confidence to say a silent prayer. (You could also meditate instead of praying.) This helps you to take a step back from your immediate situation, to see the wider picture and to seek help from something or someone greater than yourself. This is a Christian prayer, but you could write something similar that fits your own religious beliefs or spiritual tradition:

Dear God, thank you that you love and accept me as I am … please help me to do the same … and help me to grow to become the person you want me to be so that my God-confidence and self-confidence will increase greatly—all for the glory of your name and not mine. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Amen.

(Daily Encounter, Strengthen Your Self-Confidence, Acts International)

7. Reframe

If something unexpected happens, it’s easy to let it knock your fledgling self-confidence. Perhaps you spill your drink on someone, you arrive late for the big meeting because of traffic problems, or someone who you wanted to speak to gives you a cold brush-off. Try to “reframe” the situation; put it in the best possible light: often, events are only negative because of the meaning we attach to them.

(Tim Brownson, A Daring Adventure)

8. Find the next step

Keep your self-confidence up by taking gradual steps forwards, rather than freezing when faced with what seems like a giant leap. If you’re not sure what to do, look for one simple step that you can take to make progress. That might mean making eye contact at a party, introducing yourself to a stranger, breaking the ice in a meeting, or asking a question of your interviewers that shows your knowledge of their industry and company.

Start taking action even if you don’t have a clear idea of what needs to be done. Start moving towards your goal. Make corrections later.

(6 Keys to Develop the Action Habit, Illuminated Mind)

9. Speak slowly

An easy tip for both seeming and being more self-confidence is to speak slowly. If you gabble, you’ll end up feeling worse as you know you’re being unclear to your audience or to the person you’re in a conversation with. Speaking slowly gives you the chance to think about what you’re going to say next. If you’re giving a talk or presentation, pause at the end of phrases and sentences to help your audience take in what you’ve said.

A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to.

(25 Killer Actions to Boost Self-Confidence, Zen Habits)

10. Contribute something

Have you ever sat through an entire class at college or meeting at work without saying a word? Have you had an evening out where friends chatted happily while you sat and stared silently at your drink? Chances are, you weren’t feeling very self-confident at the time – and you probably felt even worse afterwards. Whatever the situation you’re in, make an effort to contribute. Even if you don’t think you have much to say, your thoughts and perspective are valuable to those around you.

By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

(10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence, Pick the Brain)

Do you find yourself lacking in self-confidence at times? How do you cope with these situations? Share your tips in the comments…