By David B. Bohl

Obama’s kids aren’t impressed by his work.

Back in April, Obama candidly admitted on the Rachel Ray Show that his job doesn’t exactly fill his kids with excitement. “When I call them and they say, ‘Daddy, what did you do today?’ I said, ‘Well, I spoke to 35,000 people.’ It’s like ‘Boring.’ It’s not interesting,” The focus of Obama’s interview was the importance of finding time to spend time with your family, even if you happen to be running for President of the United States of America.

In the past it was thought that being a “good parent” meant spending more time away from your kids – coming to work early and leaving late, schmoozing your way up the corporate ladder after hours, volunteering for extra projects and business trips, etc. But over time, parents and parenting experts have come to realize that it’s not how much you give your kid that’s important – it’s how much time you give them.

However, there are different ways to spend time with kids, each with it’s own value and it’s own potential pitfalls:

1. Structured time

Structure is the key to creating a safe, predictable and reliable environment for your kids. Whether it’s a specific time set aside for working on homework together, time spent playing on the weekends, regular trips to the grandparents or even just a few minutes a day to wind down and chat, kids feel much more secure and comfortable if they know what to expect and when. This is not to say that your house needs to be run like a military boarding school – too much structure can be stifling and oppressive. But at least some regular activities should be scheduled, and everyone (that means you, too, mom and dad) must ensure that those times are strictly off limits to outside interference.

2. Play time

Play is very important to kids. As many parenting experts have pointed out, play is the “work” kids must do in order to grow and learn. As a parent, joining in on the play is not only fun for both of you, it gives you a chance to create lasting, pleasant memories and lets you keep an eye on their development. Plus, since habits can be harder to break away from than occasional activities, regularly playing together as a family can create long-term behavior patterns that will stand you in good stead when teen angst hits.

On the flip side, parents who try too hard to be “popular” or “the nice parent” may substitute playtime for parenting, or use play as a reward (and it’s removal as a punishment) rather than a necessary activity. Think of play like a vitamin for your kid’s successful development – they need to get the right amount to grow up healthy, neither too much nor too little.

3. Support time

We all need support in order to grow and thrive. Without your support, your kids will never have the confidence and security to become the people they have the potential to become. Be there when your child needs you to be there, whether that’s a school play or a bad breakup. On the other hand, no one can do more damage to a child than the proverbial “helicopter parent.” Hovering over your child at every moment, doing things for them that they should be doing themselves and getting them out of the consequences of their own behavior are a sure-fire way to ensure your child grows up incapable of dealing with life on their own.

Finally, a word about “quality time.” This is in quotes for a reason. While it’s certainly a no-brainer that you want your time with your children to be quality time, it’s easy to confuse that with what experts call “guilty parenting.” For example, a non-custodial parent may overcompensate for not being around by making sure that all their time spent with their child is “maxed out” – sporting events, amusement parks, trips to the zoo, etc. However, guilty parenting simply sets up unrealistically high expectations on the part of the child, and deprives them of real personal time with their parent – you’re so busy trying to make things perfect that you’re not actually “there” with them.

One thing we know for sure is that memories of experiences linger longer and stronger than memories of things. Think back to your best memories as a kid. Sure, we all remember the times when we finally got that certain toy we’d been begging for, or were surprised with something unexpected. But most of our happiest memories come from spending time together doing something meaningful.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to provide your kids the latest doodads and fancy clothes. But do yourself and your kids a favor and remember not to sacrifice what limited and very precious time you have on the altar of material gain. Because just as no one on their deathbed is going wish they’d spent more time at the office, no kid reaching adulthood is ever going to wish Mom and Dad had spent more time away from home so they could have had one more toy.

About the Author: Husband, father, friend, Life Coach and Lifestyle Designer David B. Bohl is the creator of Slow Down FAST at www.slowdownfast.com.

He’s 8 pounds 2 ounces and so far is a very content little guy. Here are a couple of pics from the first 24 hours:

Mother and son are both doing well. And me? I couldn’t be happier….

In each of these extremes is a greater truth. Wealth magnifies your deeper personality traits. The thoughtful, caring person with access to financial resources will benefit him/herself AND others. But someone who only cares about keeping score will never have enough, regardless of the fortune amassed.

Warren Buffett, the famous investor and billionaire, once said that he intends to leave his children “enough money so that they would feel they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing.” He wanted to help his children reach their full potential, but understood that too much money, without corresponding effort, would sap their will to achieve.

Teach Your Kids – Prepare Your Heirs

A child growing up in a wealthy family may be more insulated from money than the child growing up in poverty. But at either end of the spectrum and at all points between, kids need to know how a family’s finances work. They need to understand that money really doesn’t grow on trees. Failing to instill that value young will create heartache when they’re older.

Teach your children that money isn’t inexhaustible. Rack up too many bills and the largest income won’t cover it. Amass too much debt and you’ll spiral down into bankruptcy. Teach them about responsible spending, investing, giving and earning.

Head off future family squabbles by talking openly about their future inheritance. Set up trust funds so that your heirs aren’t able to spend their entire inheritance before they’re emotionally ready to handle the responsibility.

Family Values – More than a Buzzword

With wealth comes responsibility. What does your spending say about your values? If your teenage daughter wants the biggest blow-out party to outdo her best friend, is that a wise use of money? Your son wants the fast car or the “crotch rocket” to impress his friends. But in the hands of an inexperienced driver, you know that’s a recipe for disaster.

What are your family’s values? What do you do and talk about as a family? Do your kids see you being generous to those less fortunate? Do you involve them in the process? Don’t just tell them about responsibility, model it and involve them.

Money is not a game, where the man with the most notches on his belt wins. No, it’s a means to achieve larger and greater things in life. Keep this in perspective and your family will benefit now and in the future.

What money lessons have you taught your kids? And how did you go about it? I would love to hear your answers in the comments below.

About the author: this article was written by David B. Bohl – Husband, Father, Friend, Lifestyle Coach, Author, Entrepreneur, and creator of Slow Down FAST. For more info visit his blog at Slow Down Fast blog.

Photo by Fisk Fisk

By David Bohl

Nothing provides a sense of place and a feeling of fulfillment quite like participating in family traditions or rituals. These can be something you do together for special holidays, or weekly observances used to maintain your close family ties.

Participating in special family rituals can evoke various feelings, set different moods, and elicit past memories. If you choose those traditions or habits that make you and your family feel good, you can bring about feelings of happiness and joy.

Unfortunately, the demands of juggling work and home make it easy to forget about family traditions that have been passed down from one generation to the next. These things also make it difficult to consider beginning new rituals that your children can pass along to their heirs.

Family rituals are important, though, to the health of the entire family. Even in a busy life where it becomes difficult to find a healthy work life balance, the simplest rituals can promote health and well-being for the entire family. A study released in the Journal of Family Psychology found through a 50-year review of research that family routines contributed to marital satisfaction, improved children’s health and academic achievement, a stronger sense of personal identity for adolescents, and stronger family relationships.

Make Mealtime a Ritual

Rather than plunk down on the couch with a plate of food and eyes glued to the television, take the time to set the dinner table, turn the television off, and spend some quality time with the rest of the family. This is especially important if you work many hours each day in a demanding job, and may not have many opportunities to spend quality time with your family.

Taking the time to organize a family meal leads to stronger family relationships, and the repetitive nature of having regular family meals allows everyone in the family to better know and understand each other. Even if you can only arrange a family meal once a week, or three times a week, it is still quality time you would not have otherwise been able to spend with your family. Studies have shown that mealtime routines lead to better parenting and healthier children.

Develop Bedtime Routines

If you have a job that keeps you away from home until well after mealtime, try to establish bedtime rituals with your children. If they are little, participate in bathing and dressing them for bed, then read a special story to them before turning out the lights. Take some time to talk to them about their day, what they did, and what they enjoy. Use the opportunity to forge stronger bonds with your kids.

If you have older children, set aside ten or twenty minutes in the evening to sit with them and discuss their day. Ask them questions about how their day went, what they did, what their accomplishments were, and so forth. Keep the experience positive, so that it provides an opportunity for bonding and understanding.

Observe Holiday Traditions

Begin special routines or rituals that are reserved for special holidays, such as Easter, Christmas, Passover, Thanksgiving, or family birthdays. It could be something like having a special dinner for the occasion, gathering the entire family to bake special treats exclusive to the holiday, decorating the house together, or playing special games.

These rituals add depth and meaning to holidays and can be called upon later in life to evoke feelings of happiness. By developing specific family rituals for holidays, you create a bond with your spouse and children, and your children are likely to carry on the traditions as they become adults with their own families.

One cannot underestimate the importance that family rituals play on the overall emotional health of all family members, and the positive impact they have on family relationships. The act of participating in family rituals not only allows a greater work life balance to occur, but these activities leave a positive emotional imprint on everyone involved, later allowing each family member to recall pleasant memories.

Even in a difficult world, family rituals form a closeness that allows all members of the family to draw upon in order to manage through life’s many challenges and difficulties. Those families that participate in special routines together have a much greater chance of surviving these trials with a minimum amount of negative psychological impact. Try developing your own routines and traditions to bolster the overall health of your family, and to help you achieve greater work life balance.

About the author: this article was written by David B. Bohl – Husband, Father, Friend, Lifestyle Coach, Author, Entrepreneur, and creator of Slow Down FAST. For more info visit his blog at Slow Down Fast blog.

By Peter Clemens

It is hard to believe that a year has passed since the most nerve-wracking, yet exciting and wonderful, moment in my life. It was a moment that seemed to take forever to arrive (in addition to the standard 9 months, Kathryn went 2 weeks overdue), but when it did I knew that my life would never be the same again. And I couldn’t have been happier….

In this article I want to share with you how fatherhood has changed my life. Although this is a very personal article, I believe there are many lessons that anyone can take away from my story. The realization that I was to be a father was a catalyst for change in my life, but I am sure there are a number of different paths people can take to the outlook I have today.

Self Reflection

When I reflect on my life prior to hearing the news that I was to be a father, many good things come to mind. Kathryn and I had been together over 2 years, and we were living a fun and happy life. But underneath this, I had a longing for something more. I was starting to grow tired of the big weekends that left me recovering for days, but I just didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself.

As I have previously written about, I did not initially welcome the news that I was to be a dad. I think the main reason was that I had all these other things planned for my life before I took the big step into parenthood: traveling the world (again), getting rich, etc. I experienced a few months of intense soul-searching before I finally came to be excited about the news.

Motivation to Change

How did I come to be excited about the news? When I think about it, it comes back to the way I changed my thinking. I did not discard my plans, rather I changed them to accommodate the new baby that was to come into our lives. A close friend of mine said me: “why can’t you have a baby and still travel the world and make money?” To this day, that has stuck in my mind and motivated to work hard towards creating the life I want. And I should point out that much of this “work” I refer to has been work I have done on myself (ie self improvement). I strongly believe that private victory precedes public victory. So I didn’t really know where I was headed, but I figured so long as I committed to improving myself then things would work out.

A New Life

On February 10, 2007, we welcomed our son Xavier into the world (yes, this post is a little bit late ). The following are some of the important ways that I have changed:

A sense of awe. It was when I saw Xavier for the first time that I truly understood what a miracle life is. To hold this little human being, with his little fingers and tiny feet, left me in awe of just how truly amazing life is. And this sense of awe has changed how I view my everyday surroundings, in particular nature. Often I will just stop and admire a beautiful tree or the snow-covered mountains here in Vancouver and think: “Wow – that is amazing”.

Awareness of my own mortality. I remember driving home from the hospital, on my own, a few hours after Xavier was born. I had so many emotions rushing around inside of me, but one of the most intense was a sense of my own mortality. I had never felt so alive, but by the same token I had never felt so vulnerable. I drove home particularly careful that night, knowing that my life now had a new meaning.

Meaning. I mentioned at the start of this article that I had been longing for something more in life. I now realize that I was searching for meaning, and in Xavier I found that meaning. Now, I don’t think having a kid is a prerequisite for living a meaningful life, nor do I want fatherhood to be the only thing that beings meaning to my existence. But what fatherhood has done is to help me understand what a wonderful feeling it is to live with meaning, and I now do things (eg write for this blog and volunteer) that also give me this same sense of meaning.

Connected to the world. I have always considered myself to be a bit different, and this has at times left me feeling unconnected to the world around me. But Xavier has connected me to the future, and for this reason I now care more than I ever have about the fate of the humankind and the world we live in. Whether the issue is the environment or politics, I realize that what we do on this planet today will affect the future for our sons and daughters, and then their sons and daughters one day.

A desire to make a difference. Because I now feel a greater connection to the world I live in, I want to make a positive difference. It is no coincidence that I started this blog soon after Xavier was born. I see this site as a manifestation of my newfound calling to help other people live better lives.

A Couple of Photos

The year has gone by so fast. In seemed like just yesterday that I was holding Xavier in the hospital right after he was born:

They certainly grow a lot in the year. Here is Xavier wearing his Halloween pajamas:

Yup, it’s been a big year of change. And I wouldn’t have it any other way…..

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See also: Kevin Geary’s excellent article 5 Ways to Help Your Children Turn Their Dreams Into Reality posted at Pick The Brain today.