By Jodie Healy

The curse of the 21st century is that we spend our time trying to succeed in everything at once – work, our significant relationship, family, exercise, friendships, keeping the perfect house, the perfect garden…

No matter how hard I try I never succeed at everything. If I work hard I don’t have time to walk my dog. Go out with friends? I need to clean the house.  Create some art? It never happens. Is this exhausting perfectionism really what is meant by a work-life balance? Can we really do it all?

When I am busy at work I just don’t have the head space or emotional energy to cope with doing anything else. If I put more effort into my personal life I find being at work such a bore. I want to be out doing all those fun things that matter to me personally, not being stuck at work. Instead of neatly balanced, my work-life scales are swinging wildly.

One day I read over my journal entries for the past 6 months. I was horrified to read that the first thing I wrote every single day was, “I’m tired”. I realized the toll that trying to do it all was having on me: I was exhausted, boring and definitely not succeeding at anything. I decided there had to be a better way. After some trial and error my scales have settled into more of a gentle sway.

A New Take on Work-Life Balance

1. Balance Your Month, Not Your Day

There really aren’t enough hours in the day for everything, but perhaps you can balance your work and life if you widen your timeframe. Think about all the things that are important to you and how many hours you work each day. Can you really do it all? If I took the work-life balance literally then I’d have to call my sister and my Mum, go to lunch with my best friend, exercise, draw, sew, garden, walk my dog, spend quality time with my husband, work 7 hours, commute for 2, cook and meditate all in one day. No wonder I’m tired!

It’s simply not possible to do it all and I fail at everything if I try. So now I try to achieve balance over a month and I try to be flexible. Basically I cut myself some slack. At times when work is really frantic I bump some items off my to do list and allow myself to spend the evenings relaxing, maybe read a little or soak in a bath.  When work eases off then I have the energy to go out, to create and give to others.

2. Make Conscious Choices

If you are going to take a longer-term view of balance you need to be consciously aware of what’s happening in your life.  Accepting that work is frantic at the moment is great, as long as you notice when you can ease off.  Working long hours can be seductive and you can easily fall into a pattern of always being busy and never taking time for your life. I used to work through lunch every day and take work home every weekend because I felt I had to. Now I’ll occasionally put in extra hours but only when I choose to.  If I know putting in more time at work this week will reward me with a better personal life next week, then I’ll do it. It’s a conscious choice and my eye’s firmly on the prize: more quality time for me away from work.

Take a few minutes to make a list of what’s most important to you. This will help you decide what can wait and what can’t.  Dividing your goals into long and short term can really help too. I want to defrost my freezer, but work’s frantic and I’d rather wind down by going for a walk with my husband and dog. Most importantly though be kind to yourself and balance what’s best for you today and tomorrow. Then you really can have it all.

How do you balance your work and your life? Please share your experiences and suggestions in the comments below.

About the writer: this article was written by Jodie Healy.

By Juliet du Preez

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness” – Seneca

A couple of days ago someone said to me: “Be kind to yourself!” Ever since hearing these words they have been stuck in my head. I have always understood the importance of kindness, but I have always focused on kindness to others. I had never thought about kindness towards myself. It really got me thinking.

I started with how it feels to have someone be kind to you. I know that feeling. It’s warm and cozy and bonding. But I am not the one to evoke that type of feeling in myself. I thought about how it feels to be kind – the type of emotions that surge within you when you are considering another person; care and gentleness. I do not often feel these types of emotions when dealing with myself. This leads me to question whether I am ever pointedly kind to myself and how my life would be different if I specifically paid myself some kind attention.

I’ve been thinking about how you can be kind to yourself and benefits of doing so. Here are some of my suggestions.

Be Patient

It is important to be patient with yourself if you are battling with a task. The other night I was in a yoga class, it was hot and sticky, and I was repeatedly falling out of a balance because my hands kept on slipping. I was highly irritated with myself. My teacher reminded me that some days I would be better at it than others, some days my practice would be stronger than on others and that it was not a competition with myself.

Now I think: “What if I had said that to myself and not relied on the teacher to divert me from unkind behavior towards myself?” Impatience has a tendency to lead towards decreased self-esteem and a general bad mood. It is also something we tend to brood over; getting stuck in the negative past instead of valuing the present moment. Stay patient and you will be sure to have more peace in your life.

Watch Your Words

Everybody has self-talk or self-chatter. Sometimes it is positive and sometimes it is negative (or very negative). Do you say things to yourself such as: “you idiot” or “how could you do that?” Do you say things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to others? Is what you say to yourself kind?

I know that if someone said directly to me some of the reprimands that I give myself, I would be extremely hurt. So why is it all right for me to make such comments to myself? For many reasons it is good to try to be aware of negative self-talk and to turn it around. With awareness one can take action. In the case of “kindness to self”, I think it is important to change ugly to words and tones into sentences that you would feel comfortable using with someone else. Nice words, kind words, make you feel good or better or even accepted.

Encourage Yourself

When things are tough or you are battling with something, encouragement is a wonderful means of giving you a boost. But, does encouragement have to come from someone externally? I think we should always have enough positive belief in ourselves to carry us through. Belief is empowering.

Forgive

Forgiveness is often not easy. One of the steps in attaining forgiveness is self-forgiveness. So, if we don’t get that right, we are “doomed” in attempts to forgive others. Forgiving yourself is kind. Forgiving others is kind.

Photo by Pokpok313

Give

Acts of kindness involve giving – whether it is material or time or energy of some sorts. Are you generous towards yourself? I think it is important to treat yourself with things you enjoy (even if it is simply a bath in beautiful oils) and gifts.

Everyone needs to take time and energy out for themselves, be it reading a book or attending a class or coffee with a friend. I need to do more of this.

You give to others in order to rejuvenate them. You are just as worthy of and in need of rejuvenation. Rejuvenation is key to success. Besides, you can’t give to others, if you don’t have enough for yourself first.

Listen

Kindness also involves listening. Do you listen to yourself? Do you hear what your body, heart and soul are saying?

It’s important to rest if you are tired, to take a break if you have been mentally overworking, to make changes if you are dissatisfied, to seek help if you need it etc. It’s another key to success and happiness. Paying attention to yourself is part of a positive life journey.

Allow

With kindness, one creates a space for and allows another person to be themselves and experience their feelings. Allowing yourself to feel painful or negative emotions helps with moving forward – so long as you deal with them. If you keep on covering them up, they continue to draw you downwards and backwards. You can be empathetic and compassionate with yourself without wallowing in self-pity. I don’t think that I am most efficient with dealing with my emotions. There is a bit of fight going on there. That energy is better spent elsewhere.

Give Advice

Kindness can involve the giving of advice or suggestions. So it’s a matter of taking things into your own hands, learning what you need and the applying it (in a kind manner!). A step towards growth.

If you think about it, is everyone not worthy of kindness? So then too are you.

I’ve decided that I need to cultivate kindness towards myself. I need it in order to extend my acts of kindness, to raise my energy levels and I think it will bring more contentment into my life.

What about you? Do you need to treat yourself better? Or, do you have any tips for how to be kind to yourself? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

About the author: Juliet du Preez is devoted to assisting people with personal development, inspiration and promoting fun. She is involved in developing related software and is the author of the Life Made Great Blog.

By Aaron Gaul

Stress is bad, right? Or is it good? Well, if you talk to the experts, they’ll say both are true. You need some stress to just get out of bed in the morning. And when you drive to work in your car, you need stress to stay alert and respond to what is in front of you. So stress has its place.  But what if a high level of stress goes on and on? The doctors tell us that ongoing stress becomes Chronic Stress. Chronic Stress is bad news. It shuts down your immune system so you are susceptible to illness, and it robs you of a good night’s sleep.

Fortunately there is a solution. The key is to learn how to inhibit the Stress Response and enter into the Rest Response. If you want to change your stressful-ways, you need to develop and use new stress relief skills. Learn the techniques to direct your mind and body away from stress and into a restful state. Notice I said, “Learn.” That is because stress is automatic; it comes with the human operating system. However, rest and relaxation need to be learned and practiced — they do not come naturally.

So What is Stress?

Stress is your body’s response to the fear perceived by your mind. There are many fears and stresses we as humans have in common — pain and humiliation, to name a couple. There are also many stressors that are particular to each individual. For example, I think spiders are kind of cool; I like to see them crawl on my arm. I know a lot of people who freak out about this and run away screaming. Big stressor for them! You should become aware of what your own particular stressors are.

When your mind recognizes a stressful situation (spiders or 700 point drop in the Stock Market), it immediately alerts your nervous system and endocrine system. From there, every cell in your body gets on the stress express. Everything nonessential in your body shuts down: immune system, cell regeneration, creative thinking processes, etc. Your heart speeds up, breathing becomes rapid, and blood is diverted from your internal organs. You are ready to fight or flee. All this is good if a deer just jumped in front of your car, or you have to dive for the telephone to call your stockbroker.

When Stress Goes Wrong

When stress continues from one crisis to the next, or happens frequently, then your body does not have a chance to fully recover from the stress. If stress continues for a day, or a number of days, then you can expect serious health problems will follow.

During times of chronic stress, stress hormones are released in your bloodstream. Serotonin in your brain (that is your happy brain hormone) is inhibited by excess cortisol, so you feel depressed more of the time. Chronic Stress adversely affects just about every cell in your body. It can even unravel the strands of your DNA. (Don’t ask, you don’t want to know.) Getting to the point, about 90% of all illnesses today are caused by stress. Not a pretty picture. But don’t let me scare you. All of this can be managed with a good set of Stress Relief Skills.

The Need for Stress Relief

So what do we know so far? We need stress to make it through the day. Chronic stress makes us sick. And rest does not come naturally; you have to learn it. So where is the balance between stress and rest? To maintain balance in your workday, you should regularly cycle between moderate stress and rest. After major stressful encounters your body and mind need to reenter a deeply relaxing state. This cycle between stress and rest may happen every few hours or even several times in one hour during your workday.

Stress followed by rest is the key. Fortunately you do not need to take a long nap or go play a round of golf every time you get stressed. Stress relief really only takes a few minutes and needs to become a habit. Once rest is a habit, you will be able to recover from stress in a few minutes, and you will not enter into Chronic Stress.

Stress Relief Skills

Briefly, here are three Stress Relief Skills you should learn and practice.

1. Relax your muscles: say the word “soft” in your mind, picture things that are soft, and in your mind feel the quality of softness. Place that soft image and feeling in all the tense places of your body: your forehead, neck and shoulders, lower back, hips, legs and feet. Use your imagination to search everywhere in your body that is tense and replace the tension with the feeling and image of “softness.” This will cause your muscles to relax and let go. With practice you can easily relax your whole body in 20 seconds while sitting at your desk.

2. Pay special attention to relaxing all the muscles you use for breathing. As you breathe, your rib cage should expand front, back, and side to side. A deep natural breath should move your whole torso and easily fill your lungs. Breathe naturally and not too deep. Allow your breath to slow down, keep your throat open, and make a slow smooth transition between each inhalation and exhalation. Do this breathing practice for at least two minutes. Done properly, this type of breathing will shift your Autonomic Nervous System to a relaxation response and increase your Heart Rate Variability — that is a good thing.

3. Give your mind a rest. When your mind is not thinking about the past or future, or not thinking at all, then you will avoid the stress response. Relax your eyes, look straight in front of you and slightly down, and do not move your eyes. In this way notice your entire field of vision, left to right, and top to bottom. Do not focus on any object, rather be conscious of your entire field of vision. You should feel a little “zoned out.” This practice will slow your mind and even allow it to stop briefly. Your mind needs to rest just as your muscles do.

Once you have learned these skills individually, you can practice them all together at once. This makes the process deeply restful and practical, as it should take only a few minutes — less than five. You should practice these skills several times a day and be sure to use them after every stressful experience.

About the author: Aaron Gaul is a Stress Relief Coach. He has studied in India and has a four-year degree from Antioch University in Spiritual Psychology. You can visit his website at www.StressReliefSkills.com

“No man is free who is not master of himself”- Epictetus, Greek Philosopher

There is a plethora of stress in our lives these days. Divorce, layoffs, threats of terrorism – these are just a few of the many things that can leave our mind, body and soul feeling anxious.

Stress is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be essential form of our emotional state for balanced growth in our life. A conscious form of stress motivates us, prepares us for things we have to face, and sometimes give us energy to take action when we need to. However, excessive stress can hinder our ability to set goals, focus on what we want to achieve and to live in harmony with our family.

Akin to a form of cholesterol, stress can motivate us to achieve higher goals or stress can destroy all our dreams before we realize its dominance. Personally I’ve found that when I am cognizant about the form of stress, I take control of my personal growth by overcoming the power of detrimental stress.

In an effort to control stress, I’ve found 5 signs that are apparent in a state of excessive stress:

Sign # 1: You Procrastinate Constantly

Procrastination forms from the denial of fighting the obvious power of stress in our life. Years ago, when I lost substantial investment in the stock market, instead of thinking forward and taking action to stop the carnage, I procrastinated by not confronting the reality. I was worsening my loss by lack of action, yet I was under intense stress that paralyzed my ability to think. I was procrastinating to the point that I was unable to do things that were essential in my life. For example, I was so nervous about going to my daughter’s school to talk to the teacher, I did not go — I missed the appointment. Stress was taking its toll on me as well as my family.

“There is nothing so disobedient as an undisciplined mind, and there is nothing so obedient as a disciplined mind.“ – Buddha (563 BC-483 BC) Founder of Buddhism.

Sign #2: Your Life Seems Chaotic

This is an apparent sign of stress and despair. If you see bills piling up on your desk with some not even opened to avoid fear of added stress, you’ve succumbed to the power of stress. I, with the fear of lack of money to pay bills, avoided opening mails that even had checks written to me. It was simply a surrender to the thoughts of defeat that stress had reined over my head.

Sign #3: Mindless Eating

Have you ever noticed yourself reaching for food or forgetting to eat meals when you are under intense stress? I tend to skip meals under intense stress, and when I do eat I lack focus on the food in front of me. This behavior stems from the fact that stress inhibits all the thought faculties of the brain and acts aggressively against any thoughts of courage or fight to dispel the power of stress. Food alters emotions. Cookies really make me feel better while I am stress ridden. It’s estimated that over 150 million people are on the diet now and most of these adults are repeaters who have tried almost everything. This is a stunning revelation that underlines pervasive power of stress in our culture.

Sign # 4: Aloofness

When feelings of sinking into a black hole take possession of your mind, it’s stress that has spelled havoc on your mind. When I lost a significant amount in my investment before, I felt feeble and aloof. It seemed that I was on an island with no hope to swim across the ocean to revive my life. I constantly chastised myself for being in the circumstances that I was in.

Sign # 5: You’re Aggressive Rather than Assertive

Aggressive behavior often arises as self defense from perceived attacks by others, but these attacks usually never eventuate. When our mind is stress ridden, we think that everyone intends to inflict emotional harm on us. I remember getting angry for paltry reasons that I could not expound in my own mind. Instead of being assertive, I was aggressive. Stress had taken over my mind, body and soul.

* * *

Here comes good news. All of what I went through was a creature of my own thoughts. In reality, I had only lost an investment. But by allowing stress to rein over my thoughts, I had enabled stress to control my thinking and obviously my life. I realized that I had to change my thoughts and habits to defeat this monster. I began by engaging my mind with things that dispelled the stress and ultimately instilled a sense of confidence about my future.

I found that ignore is bliss when it comes to stress. Take action and to your surprise, circumstances will change. The following are some steps I took to regain my confidence and ultimately to rid myself of the stress that had taken control of my mind.

Step # 1: Clutter Management

First, I took the time to go through my desk, mail, magazines, drawers, garage, basement – basically everywhere I had accumulated clutter. By eliminating this clutter, I reinforced thoughts of affirmation such as: “The more I eliminate clutter from my life, I relieve stress and create calmness for the positive thoughts.”

Step # 2: Mindfulness

I began to meditate and, by doing so, I began to live more in the present moment.

Step # 3: Write in a Journal

I began writing a daily journal. By doing this, I confronted my thoughts of despair.

Step # 4: Doing What I Enjoyed

I volunteered to work for Habitat for Humanity. The work not only brought new friends but it also made me feel proud about myself. My self-esteem rose from ashes and began acting as my strength rather than acting against me.

Step # 5: Yoga

Yoga allowed me to focus on my inner strength. I decided to do yoga daily to relax my body as well as mind.

* * *

These are just few of many positive actions I took to turn around life that was once ruled by stress. Never underestimate the power of stress to ruin your life. If you feel that you are getting in its grip, remember, you have power to come out victorious. So get up and get going.

Have you struggled with stress in your life? Please share your methods for stress relief in the comments below.

About the author: this guest article was written by Shilpan Patel.

Photos by Mrs Magic and iStockphoto.

Deadlines. Speaking in public. Buying Christmas presents. Peak hour traffic. An unsatisfying job. Financial problems. Relationship woes. These are just a few examples of things that cause stress in our lives.

Before I go any further, it should be pointed out that stress can be a positive. Often, as in the example of a student sitting an exam, it will increase our performance. Also stressful events – a wedding, a new baby, or a new house – can change our lives for the better.

Despite these potential positives, stress can harm your health, emotional well-being, and relationships with others. The signs and symptoms of stress will vary depending on the person, but some examples are: headache, fatigue,muscle tension and pain, depression, anger, worry, impatience, memory loss, poor sense of humour, fidgeting, over-eating, smoking, drinking and drug abuse.

So what can we do to reduce stress in our lives? The following are 7 helpful stress relief strategies:

1. Have Realistic Expectations: many of us set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others. Setting high expectations may in some instances increase performance, but if these expectations are set too high they become unrealistic and will cause unnecessary stress.

2. Get Active: exercise can reduce stress through its release of endorphins, the body’s natural antidepressant hormone. Jogging, swimming and other aerobic activities help us to dissipate excess energy that would otherwise be bottled up inside.

3. Be Prepared: stress is often caused by a particular situation we are in. Many people, for example, have a fear of public speaking. An effective strategy is to prepare well in advance. Ways to do this may include visiting the location ahead of time to familiarise yourself with it and rehearsing your speech in front of a family member or friend. In the longer term you may want to join a Toastmasters group to overcome the fear of public speaking.

4. Take Breaks Each Day: many of us work in a fast-paced environment and its easy not to notice the signs that its time to rest. We can pace ourselves throughout the day by monitoring our levels of stress and energy, and taking breaks when we need them. Think of the way in which children need their naps in order to behave well. Whenever possible I like to go outside to the park on my lunchbreak to clear my head.

5. Limit the Caffeine: symptoms of stress and anxiety can be related to excessive amounts of caffeine in your body. Most people get the bulk of their caffeine from drinking coffee. I try to limit myself to drinking one cup of coffee each day when I first wake up. I find that if I have another cup later in the day it makes me distracted and anxious. Reducing your caffeine will also help you sleep better and actually have more energy.

6. Get Enough Sleep: many people do not get a good night’s sleep on a regular basis. Seven to eight hours each night is the amount of sleep generally recommended, although it varies from person to person. You will know when you are getting enough sleep when you start waking refreshed each morning (often naturally before the alarm goes off) and notice more energy throughout the day.

7. Balance Work and Play: people who never allow themselves leisure time will experience greater levels of stress. Don’t feel guilty about having some personal time – we each need time for exercise, relaxation, entertainment, and hobbies.

Well there you go. If you are experiencing any signs or symptoms of negative stress I suggest giving the above tips a go. Hopefully you will start to feel as free and easy as this person to the right .