By Gail Brenner

Our moods are like weather, constantly changing.  When a cloud appears, it’s time to mobilize all your resources to help you get through it.  Whether you feel blue, blah, or just plain gloomy, here are some useful ways to help the cloud pass a little more quickly.

Note:  If your symptoms are extreme enough to affect your daily functioning for two weeks or more, or if you have thoughts of hurting yourself, please see your family doctor or a counselor right away.

1. Break tasks down into small chunks and feel a sense of accomplishment when you complete one piece before moving on to the next.
2. Reduce your schedule so you have more time to relax.
3. Write your feelings down on paper.
4. Listen to your favorite music.
5. Take a moment at the end of the day to remember at least one thing you accomplished, even if it is something basic like getting out of bed, and congratulate yourself.
6. Eat three healthy meals every day.
7. Minimize your alcohol intake.
8. Engage in an activity that requires your concentration so you can be present rather than lost in depressing thoughts.
9. Express yourself with artwork using paint or pastels.


Image courtesy of Petra

10. Treat yourself with a great deal of compassion, like you would a young child or your best friend; let go of judging yourself.
11. Find a balance between keeping yourself busy and letting yourself rest.
12. Look your best when you walk out the door.
13. Recognize that you probably are not feeling down 100 percent of the time, and enjoy these reprieves.
14. Notice if you are telling yourself a story in which you are the star of a sad and hopeless drama.  See how this story doesn’t serve you.  Pull your attention away by doing any of the activities mentioned in this list.
15. Watch a funny movie.
16. Do something special for yourself – take a bath, eat a meal of your favorite foods, get a massage.
17. Talk to a trusted friend about how you are feeling.
18. See if an endless loop of negative thoughts is playing in your mind about yourself, the world, and the future.  Know that these thoughts are very likely to be distortions of the actual truth.  As Byron Katie suggests, ask yourself, “How would it be if I didn’t think that thought?”
19. Move your body – exercise, take a yoga class, enjoy a walk in nature.


Image courtesy of AtomicPuppy68

20. Be around loving family and friends.
21. See if there is a problem you can easily solve that would help you to feel better.
22. Take a shower every day.
23. Go to sleep at the same time every evening, taking an hour to wind down with a book and some herbal tea before you get into bed.
24. Find the most loving place within you and extend your love to the part of you that is hurting.
25. When you notice you are caught in endless TV watching or internet surfing, shift your attention to something more supportive.
26. Turn your attention inward to realize that there is a part of you that doesn’t feel down.  When you observe yourself feeling blue, take a look at that which is observing.  Where is the gloomy feeling?
27. Welcome your feelings and accept them as is, rather than fighting them or wallowing in them.
28. Go inside yourself to find the strength to keep going.
29. Let go of saying, “I should…” or “I shouldn’t…”
30. Remember that the feeling will pass – and if it doesn’t seek professional help.
31. Whatever you feel you lack, offer it out to someone else.  For example, if you feel you lack love, be loving; if you lack friends, be friendly toward others.
32. Give generously to people in every way you can think of – give a compliment, do something someone you know would appreciate, pick up the check when you are out with friends.
33. Think of five things you are grateful for every day, and feel the gratitude in every cell of your body.
34. Plan an enjoyable activity with a friend.
35. Go outside to let the sunshine in or use a light box.


Image courtesy of Philipp Hilpert

36. Smile.  Research shows that when we smile, we eventually begin to feel happier.
37. Let yourself have the space to cry, then move on.
38. See if this mood is a tap on the shoulder to get you to notice something about your life.  Is there a gift that is being offered to you?  What can you learn?
39. Take some slow, deep breaths, letting your whole chest expand as you inhale, then exhaling out whatever you are holding on to that you don’t need.

Any more suggestions to add that might help another reader?  What is your experience of digging yourself out when you are feeling down?

About the author: Gail Brenner, Ph.D. offers practical and inspiring wisdom for realizing true happiness at her blog, A Flourishing Life, focusing on real solutions for self-defeating habits.

By Mr. Self Development

I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t want to significantly improve their life.  The good news is: Every moment is an opportunity to become better than we’ve been in the past.  This is a brief article on how to improve your life starting today.  I challenge you to take action on each of these items; they will change your life if you do.

1. Become an Eclectic Reader

An eclectic reader is a reader who reads information from a variety of sources.  Reading daily from a variety of authors with different backgrounds and beliefs is an excellent way to expand your mind and change your life. It’s not necessary that you agree with “everything” the authors say; you can learn something from anyone.  Reading from a multiplicity of sources gives you the ability to take-on new concepts, thoughts, and principles that stretch your mind to greater dimensions and new perspectives, allowing you to receive ideas which have “never” been conceived before.

You shouldn’t just listen to people who you “agree” with; listen to individuals with unorthodox concepts and view points that you may oppose.   There’s a quote that goes, “If everybody’s thinking the same, then somebody’s not thinking.”  Don’t get caught up in “group thinking,” where your thoughts only mimic that of the greater population.  Use reading as a tool to give you deeper insights so you can form more accurate conclusions.

How many books or articles are you reading a day?  As many of you may know, reading is something that I love to do. I’m reading all the time; the information that I read comes from such a unique variety of authors that it would be very unlikely for someone to “in-take” this same combination of information.  This rare combination of information provides me with new concepts which have never been thought of before.

2. Meditate and/ or Schedule Quiet Time

When I say meditate, I’m talking about taking 5-10 minutes, maybe more, to silence your mind, using this time as a form of relaxation and renewal.

You may choose to utilize this time as a way of quietly focusing your mind on the images that you want to experience.  You may choose to utilize this time as a way of opening your mind to new ideas that will improve your life or solve certain problems that you’re encountering.

Your mind is always so busy; take a few minutes everyday to give it a much needed refresher.  “Time-out” is always better than “burn-out.”  Schedule “time-out” daily, if you do, you will be healthier, happier and you will have many more creative ideas to improve your circumstances and your life.

3. Start Working Out, or Increase Your Workouts

Are you giving your best efforts to your workouts?  I could personally do more, I work out six days a week, but I know I’m capable of seven.  Are you giving your best?

Working out improves your life’s expectancy, overall health, the way you look, and the way you feel about yourself.  Why would anyone not do it?

If you’re not working out, get started today; try to do at least 4-5 days a week, even if it’s only for a few minutes, learn to cultivate the joy of working out.  Don’t go around saying “I hate working out,” because you will begin to hate it.  Affirm that you “love to work out,” and you will begin to love it.

4. Spend Quality Time With The People Who Mean The Most To You

Friends and family are truly an avenue which can create lots of joy in your life.  Take time to really experience and appreciate the joy of being around the people who mean the most to you.  I’m talking about daily pre-scheduled quality time, no cell phones, no computers, no distractions, no thoughts of being anywhere else, or doing anything other than experiencing and appreciating the people who mean the most to you.

Learn from them, teach them, laugh with them, discuss deep issues, and just “shoot the breeze.”

What’s your story?  Who can you spend more time with?  And don’t say your “poker buddies.”  Maybe it’s your kid, maybe it’s your wife or husband, maybe it’s your nieces and nephews.  Let people know how much you admire and appreciate them by giving them the price-less gift of your time.

5. Enhance Your Diet

The saying is true, “You are what you eat.”   The only source your body has to re-create itself is the food that you give it, so don’t give it junk.

Do you realize that diseases can be caused as a result of poor movement of food through your body? Are you getting 100% of the fiber your body needs?  Are you drinking enough water?  Do you have a written diet plan?

Are you receiving a large portion of your calories from fruits and vegetables?  I challenge you to do so, if you aren’t.

In concluding, make sure that you observe and implement these ideas today. You have the power to improve your life forever, starting right now.

About the author: this guest post was written by Mr. Self Development. Please support Mr. Self Development by subscribing to his blog at mrselfdevelopment.com; Mr. Self Development is a motivational author who offers a practical guide to success and wealth.

By Christopher R. Edgar

Many people have told me they’d like to meditate more regularly, but they just find it “too hard.” The reasons people see meditation as difficult vary.  For instance, perhaps they find themselves getting easily bored while sitting alone.  Or maybe anxious thoughts race through their minds, and they have trouble relaxing.

If you’re having a tough time keeping up your meditation practice, I want to offer a perspective that may help your motivation and focus.  The perspective is this:  meditation isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s actually a technique for noticing the patterns of thinking and acting that are blocking you from reaching your full potential.

In other words, when meditating feels difficult, that’s because it’s helping you see the places where you have room to grow.  As meditation teacher S.N. Goenka wrote, meditation “takes you to the deepest level of the mind and allows you to cut the roots of past conditioning.”

Letting The Discomfort Be

When uncomfortable thoughts and sensations arise in meditation, our immediate urge is to run away—perhaps by getting up and checking e-mail, trying to focus on something else, and so on.  However, we can grow as human beings by continuing to breathe and allowing those thoughts and sensations to be, just as they are.  When we let them flow through us and discover they can’t really hurt us, they no longer seem so scary.  And when we expand the range of sensations we can tolerate, we get more freedom to pursue our goals in life.

I’ll talk about a few issues people commonly face in meditation, and how just allowing those concerns to arise, without doing anything about them, can help us expand our horizons and lead more fulfilling lives.

1. I’m Doing It Wrong. Many of us meditate expecting specific results—maybe we imagine meditating will bring us peace, for instance, or help us come up with great ideas.  When we don’t get the results we want, we often blame ourselves.  “I’m not feeling any calmer or wiser—I must be doing this wrong,” we think.

If you find yourself thinking this way, consider this question:  where else do you get that feeling in your life?  Where else do you run into the nagging anxiety that you’re “doing it wrong”—in your career, relationships, exercise routine, and so on?  How do you react when you feel this way—do you try to achieve perfection and get trapped in “analysis paralysis,” get frustrated and give up, or something else?

Meditation offers you the opportunity to fully experience that feeling of “I’m not doing it right,” without fleeing or pushing it away.  When you let yourself get more comfortable and familiar with that feeling, you may find your behavior out in the world changing as well.  For instance, you may find yourself hopelessly striving for perfection less often, and learning to accept that you can only do your best.

2.  This Is Boring. Many of us have difficulty keeping up our meditation routine because, quite simply, we find meditation dull.  We wish there were something more interesting or stimulating going on, and the frustration of that desire can be almost physically painful.

Again, if this feeling comes up for you, look at other parts of your life and notice where you find yourself having the same experience.  For instance, do you find yourself quickly getting bored with projects and failing to finish them?  Do you get easily impatient with people, and lash out in anger more often than you’d like?

Meditation offers you a great opportunity to move beyond these unwanted behaviors.  The next time you start getting bored while meditating, I invite you to keep breathing, relax your body, and just let that frustration and discomfort wash over you.  As you do this over time, and you discover that letting yourself get a little bored won’t kill you, you may find yourself becoming more able to tolerate situations that felt painfully dull before.

3.  I’m Scared. For some of us, the experience of sitting quietly with our eyes closed is frightening.  Perhaps we start to feel alone, as if there’s no one around to care for and protect us.  Or maybe we find ourselves worrying that some problem will arise while we’re meditating.  Maybe a burglar will break into the house, or the stock market will crash, and we won’t be aware enough to deal with the situation.

If you have this kind of experience, a useful question to ask yourself is:  do you ever fully relax?  Are you ever able to just let your muscles hang limp, and allow all your wants and obligations to slip out of your mind?  Or do you experience life as a mad dash, frantically racing from place to place and from task to task?

The next time this anxiety comes up as you meditate, see if you can allow it to flow through you and pass away, without frantically getting up to check the front door or the headlines.  Notice that this anxiety, like any other thought or emotion, is fleeting, and can’t really threaten you.  When you recognize this, you may find yourself becoming able to unwind more easily.

So, in a nutshell:  meditation isn’t easy, but that’s the point—it helps you come to grips with, and move beyond, thoughts and behaviors that hold you back.

About the author: Chris Edgar is an author, speaker and personal coach who helps professionals find and pursue their true calling in their careers.  You can find out more about Chris’s work at www.purposepowercoaching.com.

By Ruth Harrison Moody

The rapid fire pace of daily life takes its toll and often fails to give us even a moment to pause, recover from, or even consider what’s going on around us. Our world is more frenetic, more overwhelming and more opportunity- laden than at any time before in human experience. Modern life has become a hail storm of input, activity, connectivity, and a never ending flow of information. Pressured situations come at us from all sides – at work, in social settings, or at home.

If we’re to make the most of the whirlwind existence sweeping around us, then it’s a good bet that we’ll need some shelter from the storm from time to time. We can’t stay inside forever — literally or figuratively— not unless we want to give up participating in the world and the company of our fellow human beings. So, how do we find a moment of shelter from the storm?

Planning Ahead

No matter what’s going on at any given moment, there are very few conversations, occurrences or situations that would stop you from getting out of life’s hurricane for just a few moments. Knowing that you may need to take refuge of a sort during your day, you can prepare your “emergency shelters” ahead of time and assail the tempest with confidence.

As with most everything, taking the time to plan before hand will be worth hours of damage control after the fact. Just knowing what you would want to do under stressful circumstances, planning the type of response that will serve you best, as well as mentally rehearsing situations over which you want to gain a better control will give you a tremendous advantage. Following through on these things will greatly increase your ability to cope with stressful situations and how to get through them.

Before you get caught in a moment of stress or emotional storm, make a list of the situations or type of situation you want to handle more aptly.  Decide what the ideal response would be. Make a list of 3-4 things you can do or say next time that situation comes up. Get a friend to play the other side of the conversation or, if there’s no one that you care to share your practice sessions with, write out or visualize the situation and your preferred responses to it.

Whether you are coping with an irritating co-worker, trying to run the obstacle course that is your teenager’s bedroom, or even explaining to your super-controlling mother-in-law (for the 20^th time) why you are going to bring something to the family reunion that your kids will actually eat, instead of the recipe she picked out for you to make, you can get your mental and spiritual umbrella all set up and ready to go before you step out your door.

Stepping Away From the Storms of Life

From my friend Colleen, I learned the fine art of stepping away momentarily from the storms of life.  In the middle of relating a story in which she was under a great deal of stress at work, she used a phrase that stopped me dead in my tracks. “I had to get away from the situation for a few moments, so I went in the back and had an invisible cup of tea.”. “A what!?” I interrupted, totally intrigued. “An invisible cup of tea, since I didn’t have time for a real one.” She replied in her signature calm, matter- of- fact manner.

Even if the world is not obliging enough to pause for the amount of time we’d like to have to come up with a reply, catch our mental breath, take a vacation day, or just get organized for the next round of strum und drang brewing up over the horizon, we can build a shelter or two along the road, despite the storms go on around us. Even if all you have is five seconds, you can pause and put up a metaphoric umbrella for yourself.

“What on earth can be done in five seconds?”  Someone, somewhere surely would ask. Unless you are being cross-examined by the latest incarnation of Perry Mason, defusing a bomb, or are engaged in life-and-death level activities, you can take a step back—mentally, if not physically— from whatever is going on around you.  It’s all too easy to be caught up in the moment and forget that you don’t have to respond to most things in fewer than five seconds.

With five seconds you can:

• Take a deep breath and think before you speak
• Focus on a pre-chosen image or mantra that you associate with calm, strength, clarity, or whatever you feel you need most at the moment.
• Choose to use a phrase that will place the situation on actual physical hold: “Excuse me for a moment.”  “I’m sorry; I have to check on something.”
• Place the information stream on hold while you catch your breath.
• Think of the punch line to your favorite joke.
• Ground yourself by touching an  item  that carries meaning for you– your wedding ring, a souvenir on your desk or a  good luck  charm in your pocket.

With one minute you can:

• Recall what your priorities for the situation are.
• Step out of the room and take a brisk turn around the hall.
• Pull out pictures of your loved ones and let the good memories flow.
• Make a quick list of all the things for which you are grateful.
• Recite a prayer or other meaningful utterance.
• Imagine what your Mom or your witty roommate from college would say.

With five minutes you can:

• Check your facts on the net or in the nearest reference work.
• Make a quick call for moral support.
• Find a window and get a dose of  sunlight
• Re-read a note from a loved one.
• Plan what your next words will be.
• Listen to your favorite song.
• Step away from the situation and have an invisible cup of tea.

Final Thoughts

No matter how fast-paced life becomes, no matter how much someone wants you to do something yesterday, no matter that you just froze up like a deer in headlights—take those five seconds, that minute,  or five minutes. The world won’t end, and I guarantee you’ll be much happier if you do yourself the kindness to take a moment away from the downpour.

So get ready, prep your umbrella, and smile quietly as you step out your door into the world. You may find that you’ve got more opportunities to use it than you realize at first and you may be surprised to at how much room you have under there to share.

How do you take shelter from the storms of life?

About the author: this post was written by Ruth Harrison Moody.

By Ali Hale

Do you often feel guilty about things that you aren’t doing – or things that you are doing? Do you find yourself saying “I really should…” or “I know I’m supposed to…” or “I must…”? Are you trying to live up to someone else’s values?

There are so many pressures on us to conform. You might think that you have your own priorities straight (and that you’re failing to meet your own standards), but chances are, you’re being influenced by a lot of external pressures. These could come from:

• Society as a whole, and the media
• Your colleagues, friends or classmates
• Your parents, grandparents and extended family

The problem with trying to live by someone else’s values is that you’ll never feel as though you’re managing it. You can’t please everyone – and you shouldn’t be trying to. At the end of the day, what matters is that you live up to your own values. (In many cases, these might coincide with those of your community, friends or family, of course; but be clear where differences lie.)

Values from Society and the Media

Using the word “values” might seem odd in connection with modern society and the media (often criticised for not holding values or morals). Sometimes, what we take for common sense or received wisdom is really a value so ingrained in us by society, we can’t step outside and see a different point of view.

For example, consumerism is encouraged by the media (because they exist due to selling not only newspapers and magazines and other products, but by selling advertising). Our society is obsessed with appearance – just think of all the ridiculous attention paid to whether celebrities are gaining or losing weight.

If you’ve set yourself a goal of earning an extra $5k this year, or of losing 30lbs, ask yourself whether you’ve done so because of your values – or because this is what newspapers, television and advertisers are telling you to do.

Values from Your Colleagues/ Friends

When I was at school, there was a lot of talk about resisting “peer pressure” to misbehave. Your peers are the people who are like you – whether they’re in the same job, at the same college, or simply your group of friends. The danger is that our social instinct and need to belong can push us to adopt values which aren’t really ones we’d otherwise prioritize.

For example, if all your friends place a high value on entertainment, enjoyment and partying – and you value being frugal and making a contribution to the world – you might end up living what feels to you a shallow lifestyle. If your classmates at college are all focused on career and earnings, your dream of traveling may fall by the wayside. And if your colleagues prioritize getting ahead at all costs, what happens to your values of honesty, kindness, and mutual respect?

When you’re buying a new gadget, accepting an invitation, or stretching the truth to make life easier, ask yourself whether you’re being drawn away from your values by your peers.

Values from Your Family

In many cases, we share our values with our close family members. If your parents placed a high value on family relationships, chances are, you do too. And if your family have always prioritized helping out in the community, you’ve probably been involved in various volunteering opportunities all your life.

Sometimes, though, you might feel pressurized or stressed because of your parents’ or grandparents’ values. Perhaps you don’t want to hire a cleaner because your grandpa would be horrified by the idea of paying someone to do jobs that you could do perfectly well yourself – but you know that having the housework taken care of would give you time to launch your new business.

Or maybe your dad’s focus has always been on making as much money as possible in order to retire young; you’re feeling pushed towards a “realistic” corporate career when, deep down, you want to pursue a more creative calling.

Once you no longer live under your parents’ roof, you have no obligation to living up to their values. I certainly wouldn’t suggest you go out of your way to horrify, offend or shock your relatives, but try not to fall into the trap of second-guessing yourself because you’re worried what they’ll think. And relatives won’t always react how you expect. When I quit my job to freelance, my mother and I kept it secret from my grandma for several months – but when we finally broke the news, my grandma was full of praise for my entrepreneurial spirit!

Ask yourself whether it’s time to cut the apron strings and live your life: your parents and loved ones want you to do what makes you happy – not to simply follow their values.

Whose values are you living up to? How can you start getting back to your own values?

About the author: Ali writes about personal growth and development on her blog, Aliventures. As well as blogging, she writes fiction, and is studying for an MA in Creative Writing.

By Jodie Healy

The curse of the 21st century is that we spend our time trying to succeed in everything at once – work, our significant relationship, family, exercise, friendships, keeping the perfect house, the perfect garden…

No matter how hard I try I never succeed at everything. If I work hard I don’t have time to walk my dog. Go out with friends? I need to clean the house.  Create some art? It never happens. Is this exhausting perfectionism really what is meant by a work-life balance? Can we really do it all?

When I am busy at work I just don’t have the head space or emotional energy to cope with doing anything else. If I put more effort into my personal life I find being at work such a bore. I want to be out doing all those fun things that matter to me personally, not being stuck at work. Instead of neatly balanced, my work-life scales are swinging wildly.

One day I read over my journal entries for the past 6 months. I was horrified to read that the first thing I wrote every single day was, “I’m tired”. I realized the toll that trying to do it all was having on me: I was exhausted, boring and definitely not succeeding at anything. I decided there had to be a better way. After some trial and error my scales have settled into more of a gentle sway.

A New Take on Work-Life Balance

1. Balance Your Month, Not Your Day

There really aren’t enough hours in the day for everything, but perhaps you can balance your work and life if you widen your timeframe. Think about all the things that are important to you and how many hours you work each day. Can you really do it all? If I took the work-life balance literally then I’d have to call my sister and my Mum, go to lunch with my best friend, exercise, draw, sew, garden, walk my dog, spend quality time with my husband, work 7 hours, commute for 2, cook and meditate all in one day. No wonder I’m tired!

It’s simply not possible to do it all and I fail at everything if I try. So now I try to achieve balance over a month and I try to be flexible. Basically I cut myself some slack. At times when work is really frantic I bump some items off my to do list and allow myself to spend the evenings relaxing, maybe read a little or soak in a bath.  When work eases off then I have the energy to go out, to create and give to others.

2. Make Conscious Choices

If you are going to take a longer-term view of balance you need to be consciously aware of what’s happening in your life.  Accepting that work is frantic at the moment is great, as long as you notice when you can ease off.  Working long hours can be seductive and you can easily fall into a pattern of always being busy and never taking time for your life. I used to work through lunch every day and take work home every weekend because I felt I had to. Now I’ll occasionally put in extra hours but only when I choose to.  If I know putting in more time at work this week will reward me with a better personal life next week, then I’ll do it. It’s a conscious choice and my eye’s firmly on the prize: more quality time for me away from work.

Take a few minutes to make a list of what’s most important to you. This will help you decide what can wait and what can’t.  Dividing your goals into long and short term can really help too. I want to defrost my freezer, but work’s frantic and I’d rather wind down by going for a walk with my husband and dog. Most importantly though be kind to yourself and balance what’s best for you today and tomorrow. Then you really can have it all.

How do you balance your work and your life? Please share your experiences and suggestions in the comments below.

About the writer: this article was written by Jodie Healy.