Don’t Think About It. Do These 5 Things Instead.
Photo by Jacob Botter
Most of us learned early in life that “thinking about it” is always a good idea. That is what reasonable, intelligent people do when they have a big decision in front of them, right? They think about it.
The truth is that quite often, when it comes to the big questions in our lives — Should I take the job? Should I start the business? Should I marry her? Should I relocate? — thinking gets us stuck.
By thinking, I don’t mean all neurological activity. I mean our everyday definition of thinking: the furrowed brow, fist at chin, solitary activity in which we muse on a subject, evaluate pros and cons, make internal arguments and then supposedly “figure it out.” This often leaves us more confused than when we started, further away from our own answers.
I see this frequently as a coach, as a friend, and I know it from my own experience too. I once took a month to “think about” what kind of job I wanted, and ended the month with no new insights, just a little crazy from all that time I sat at home “thinking about it.” I see coaching clients and friends taking time to “think about” what they want to do next, and getting really lost and bummed out in the process. I have a friend who drove herself into a huge pit of stress and upset “thinking about” whether she wanted to marry her boyfriend or not.
When thinking is helping you find clear answers that feel right to you, excellent! Feel free to use it. I’m certainly not anti-thinking. But when approaching a question by thinking about it is leading you down a road that feels repetitive, narrowing, overwhelming, or crazy-making, try these other tools:
1. Simmer
Simmering is a way of processing that is less conscious and deliberate than thinking. When we simmer on something, we sit with it over a period of time. We let our full mind – conscious and unconscious – work on it while we go about our lives. We cook it, just as we would a stew on the stove.
Like an oven timer going off, simmering sometimes results in a new insight or answer “popping up” when we least expect it–often while we are immersed in some unrelated, absorbing activity. It can also slowly build an answer over time, like flavors gradually developing in a stew, settling into a rich taste.
2. Experiment
Experiments allow us to gather information from lived experience, not mental reasoning. They test out new ideas, behaviors, or approaches. If you are contemplating transitioning to a new field, instead of “thinking about it,” take a class on the subject, do related freelance work, or spend time with the kinds of people you’d be working with. If you think you might want to take up piano again, instead of “thinking about it,” just go play one within 48 hours, and see how it feels. Notice what you learned from the experiment.
3. Write
Most of us won’t write the same things over and over again, but we often get stuck thinking the same thoughts things over and over again. In this sense, writing moves us past our mental loops.
In addition, when we read our words on the page, we have the opportunity to observe our own thoughts. Observing our thoughts will always provide more insight and forward movement than thinking them.
4. Share
Sharing forces us to clarify our beliefs, desires and unanswered questions. Just as writing helps us get perspective on our thoughts because we literally see them, sharing helps get perspective because we hear ourselves.
Find a great listener who can create a space for you to share. Or, be bold and ask a good friend to participate with you in a 20-minute conversation with special rules: You share. They ask you short, simple open-ended (not yes/no) questions back to help you probe your ideas further. No statements on their part – just questions. You can exchange the favor, helping them explore an important topic in their life.
5. Check Your Gut
As a coach, I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard clients come in overwhelmed by all the pros and cons and possibilities that thinking has led them to, when the answer is actually already within them, and is ready to emerge as soon as I ask, “What does your gut say?” Ask yourself this question, and be open to the answer – even when it is uncomfortable or scares the hell out of you.
If you feel disconnected from your instinct and can’t hear it (which commonly happens), put your attention to the place in your body where you feel it. You can also place your hands there. Take a few breaths, release tension in your body, and then tune in to your gut instinct and see what information is waiting for you. Hint: Your gut’s answers are simple. No long explanations needed.
Simmer. Experiment. Write. Share. Check Your Gut. You may find that one or two of these tools work best for you. Here’s my suggestion. Don’t decide which of these to use by thinking about it. Instead, check your gut, or experiment with a couple.
And, yes, how could I not say it? Please don’t think too much about this piece.
Love,
Tara
Author bio: Tara Sophia Mohr is a writer and coach who loves to help people discover their unique brilliance and bring it to life in the world. Tara’s work brings together her training as coach, years studying Shakespeare and poetry, an MBA education from Stanford, and her own personal pursuit of living simply and wisely. Tara blogs at www.mohrcoaching.com. You can sign up for her free Goals Guide here: http://bit.ly/bkw8Wm.
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24 Comments
March 10th, 2010 at 10:16 am
Checking my gut told me to write a response to this post!
Really, checking my gut, writing about it, and experimenting are my three favorite methods of going past “thinking about it”. Great post! Useful information which is (dare I say it?) worth thinking about!
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March 10th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Thanks Jennifer, and glad to hear these tools are working for you in your life!
Tara
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March 10th, 2010 at 11:05 am
Writing really helps me. When I’m stuck and running over a problem over and over in my mind, writing it down helps clarify for me what it is I’m trying to solve, and at least gets me out of that mental loop where I keep going around in circles over the same options over and over again.
The other thing writing it down does is it gives me permission to let all that out of my head. I know it’s written down – so I can stop thinking about it and worrying about it. That’s why I keep a journal next to my bed – if I’m thinking about anything at night, I just scribble it down in my journal for a few minutes and it helps me get to sleep easier =)
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March 11th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Yes, and in fact there is even scientific research now showing health benefits for people who journal during a time of chronic illness. It definitely has huge stress reduction power!
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March 10th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
The old guys say.. “make small decisions with your brain, make big decisions with your heart” .
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March 10th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Love it! You are so right, Tara. I’m a life coach and sometimes I can almost hear the gears grinding in my clients’ heads as they try to figure things out. I find that a great way to break through that kind of stuckness is to ask them to make up an answer, any answer, and let go of the need to be right. This frequently gets them connected with their creativity, which is, of course, where the best solutions are.
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March 11th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
I love this! Its a way of getting into experimentation. “Letting go of the need to be right” sounds like a huge relief.
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March 10th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
I have a friend who likes to let ideas “marinate” before she makes a decision…so, the same thing as simmering. I just love the metaphor when she says she’s going to let something marinate, I feel like it’s going to be tastier and more tender when it’s ready! I like the “a problem shared is a problem halved” approach, so talking about things with a friend or family member is what often works for me. It’s so easy to get completely stalled by too much thinking, and important to realise that not acting can be as much of a mistake as taking the wrong action!
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March 11th, 2010 at 1:50 am
Nice post. Big decisions often take up my time – simmering and checking my gut are normally my first port of call. I don’t tend to share or write but hey, maybe in the future.
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March 11th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Very nice, and so true. I’m thinking too much about every decision I have to make, and realized a short while ago that isn’t the solution.
I decided that I should stop thinking, and that makes making decisions even easier. Sometimes, don’t think, just DO!
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March 11th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Interesting post, and I especially like the final point about doing a gut-check. Gut checking is very scary and sometimes it can tell you to do the exact opposite of what you had believed that you should do.
The other thing that I learned is that it’s okay to make mistakes because everyone makes them, and lots of them. When you think and then do, and it ends up being wrong, its okay to go back and look at what you might have done wrong and how you can do better next time. Interesting post, and it’s spot on!
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March 11th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
Thanks Dan. And yes, that is such a good point – a lot of times we *do not like* and don’t want to hear what our gut is telling us. And yet, often we really need to face the truth it is pointing us to.
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March 12th, 2010 at 8:51 am
I love this post!
I can tell you that for me, sharing and checking my gut are the two things I do the most. I find that when I get it out there via sharing, I am better able to “see” the situation and make some sense of it. But when all else fails, check my gut and come from the heart. Those two things have never led me in the wrong direction.
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March 20th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Isn’t it amazing how they never lead us astray?
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March 12th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
I love that you’ve identified “Simmer” as a process to replace thinking! I realized when I read this that I do this ALL the time – but I never realized it. I think I always thought of it as procrastinating and I would feel bad about it. But more often than not, simmering has allowed me to really process the information without worrying or over-analyzing. It’s amazing what you brain and subconscious can do when you just let it work on it’s own!
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March 20th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Yay for liberating yourself from the judgement that you are procrastinating, when important simmering is really happening instead! And yes, I agree, it is AMAZING what our brains will do for us when left to work their organic process without fear or judgment entering in.
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March 14th, 2010 at 11:10 am
i cab really relate to the writing part. i also find myself write to myself and it wither calms me down or lets me reflect on my thoughts. sometimes you feel like the only one who feels that way so it’s nice to see i’m not alone!
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March 20th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Nope, you are definitely not alone on that
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March 17th, 2010 at 10:27 am
Like most of the bloggers above, I also can relate to the writing aspect. For me, writing not only serves an aid to organizing thoughts and compiling insights, it also acts as a “coping method.” It is certainly a stress reliever; sometimes I find myself unaware that I am struggling to make a decision until I start reflecting through writing. By reading my thoughts on paper, the “right” answer becomes much more clear!
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March 20th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Absolutely! There is even new research on the health benefits of journaling for ill people. Glad we now have some data to back up what many people have experienced for centuries.
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March 21st, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Great list. #5 is my favorite because I’ve been so guilty of getting bogged down in pros and cons. My analytical nature leads me to question everything and its taken years for me to learn that the answers are already inside. All I have to do is relax and listen to my inner being….. simple yet powerful.
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March 22nd, 2010 at 9:16 am
Isn’t it powerful? So simple we are tempted to think it couldn’t be true.
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April 7th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Too much thinking isn’t as bad as too much talking though. But doing of course much better than just think or just talk about it.
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April 16th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Good read. It’s always difficult to take a critical decision.
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