Virtually living. How many of us here are doing just that, I wonder. I’m going to share something a little personal with you today in my musings. But there is a point to it …

The other day, I was “on the road” for my job - the first time in several years that I was doing so. It’s something I love, and was excitedly looking forward to getting back to talk to “my people”. Oddest thing was, each time I sat down with someone, I found myself awkwardly groping for contact … and anyone who knows me, knows that has never been a problem. I felt very much “in a fog”. Why? What happened? What changed between then and now?

Driving home in the solitude of my car, and back to the quiet of my apartment, I searched for the answer. The next morning, as I flicked on my computer even before I started the coffee, I realized … I’d allowed myself to “live virtually”. Or rather, virtually live.

Over the last few years we have allowed our societal needs to become more and more fulfilled virtually … choosing not to interact person to person in the flesh, but rather on-line through a myriad of venues. We can come and go as we please, say what we choose (when we choose), and create a character that oftentimes bears little resemblance to the totality of who we are. Even if we feel we are being true in our portrayal and communications, I ask you this … if the people you are `friends’ with on-line were to move to your neighborhood, and want a flesh-and-blood relationship … would you welcome it? Or would a vague feeling of fear and uneasiness arise within? Would the sudden lack of control that a virtual friendship allows make you feel uncomfortable?

I see so many people here and at other sites on-line all day, communicating with a myriad of `friends’ … and yes, although the world-wide-web indeed offers us an amazing way to reach out and learn from others about different cultures, religions, traditions, and knowledge … it has also served as a cocoon, sheltering us from the many realities of real friendships and real relationships. A means to avoid dealing with difficulties, and making changes. It has given some an escape from the challenges found in a dysfunctional marriage, or a way of hiding from the fear of developing new relationships; to others, it’s a means to ignore the loneliness of isolation, and allowed another the illusion of popularity. The problem is … it is indeed, an illusion. An illusion as real as Alice Through the Looking Glass. It’s almost real. The impression is real … it feels real … but I wonder, just how tangible is it? Who of these virtual friends could I call if I needed a place to stay, a battery jump, a shopping buddy, or a night away from an aging parent … or simply a cup of sugar?

As for me, the awkwardness I felt yesterday served as a reminder that I need to spend a bit more time talking to the people down the street, meeting the post-holiday exercisers the gym, helping out the folks at the local shelter, and swapping stories with my clients. Living un-simulatedly.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” Annie Dillard

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On a semi-regular basis, I do some childminding for a lovely family, and this week, the younger girl (aged eight) brought home a “Congratulations” certificate from school.

This got me thinking about our achievements as adults. When did someone last give you a certificate to say “well done”, “congratulations” or “great job”? Has anyone even said those words to you recently?

Sometimes, it’s easy to feel that our hard work goes unnoticed – maybe by our employers, teachers or relatives. Perhaps you stayed late every night to ensure the success of a tricky project at work, and no-one seemed to care. Or you’ve reached a thousand subscribers on your blog, but your spouse can’t see what you’re so excited about.

The even deeper trap, though, is not so much that other people don’t recognize and acknowledge our achievements, but that we ourselves don’t. I’m someone who likes instant results; I’m not patient and I tend to struggle to maintain enthusiasm throughout a long project or when working towards a distant goal. Because of this, I’ve started consciously recording and celebrating my achievements, so that I realize that my hard work is paying off and that I am making progress.

Why Do It? Thoughts After Ten Months of Achievements

Since January, I’ve been keeping up a very simple practice of spending ten minutes, once a month, thinking about and writing down what I’ve achieved. So if you think that recording your achievements is too much hassle, you might want to reconsider; however busy you are, ten minutes a month isn’t going to impinge much on your schedule.

In the past ten months, life has changed a lot for me, and one of the benefits of recording my achievements is that I can see how far I’ve come since January. For example, back in January, the sum total of my blogging achievement was:

• Launched weblog [The Office Diet] on Jan 1^st
• Guest post on Diet Blog on Jan 16^th

Fast-forward through the book, and achievements like these appear:

• Staff writing position on Diet Blog (February)
• Wrote guest posts for several big blogs: Ririan Project, Pick the Brain, Dumb Little Man, Cranky Fitness (May)
• Became a staff blogger for Pick the Brain and Dumb Little Man (August)

Building up my fledgling blogging career has been a priority for me this year, and it’s encouraging to see that I’ve come a long way since that first guest post in January: this month, I have enough staff blogging work to pay all my rent and bills. I know that when I start on other long-term goals in the future, I’ll be able to trace a similar pattern of progress, celebrating the small victories to begin with, then seeing myself build on those.

Another benefit that I found through the tougher early months was that writing down my achievements at the end of each month helped me to focus on the areas where I was improving and getting somewhere. Sometimes I had to scrape a bit for things to record, but it helped me get through some difficult months.

How to Create Your Achievements Record

I have a small leather-bound notebook, given to me for Christmas last year, in which I devote a page a month to my achievements list. This suits me well; it doesn’t take much time, but it provides a permanent record which I intend to keep adding to over the next decade (the notebook has plenty of pages!)

Something I’m considering for the future, though, is also having a scrapbook or folder for achievements. This might be a good form of record if your achievements are in the form of news clippings or printed magazine pieces, pieces of artwork, or photographs.

You don’t necessarily have to use words in your record. If you’re tracking your progress towards a fitter, healthier body, for instance, your achievements record could take the form of monthly photographs and measurements.

Don’t Forget to Celebrate: Pick Some Rewards

Something which I intend to start doing more is to pick rewards for reaching milestones. I find that this is both an encouragement to work hard towards a goal, and also a way to acknowledge that I really have achieved something of significance. It’s so easy to treat our achievements lightly, or to feel that they don’t matter because they wouldn’t be “big” in the eyes of the world.

So some of the rewards I’m planning at the moment (from small to big) are:

• A celebratory really good bottle of wine when I reach 1,000 subscribers on my blog, The Office Diet
• A meal out somewhere special when I’ve finished writing all the extra content that I want to put on my Aliventures site (a number of articles and tutorials), and when I’ve finished the redesign
• A weekend away when I first sell a novel (a little way off, at the moment…)

Although none of these are certain to happen, I’ve phrased them all as “when” rather than “if” because that helps me to be confident that I can and will achieve them all – even if it takes me a while!

What have you achieved over the past few weeks? What milestones do you hope to reach soon – and how will you be celebrating?

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Obama’s kids aren’t impressed by his work.

Back in April, Obama candidly admitted on the Rachel Ray Show that his job doesn’t exactly fill his kids with excitement. “When I call them and they say, ‘Daddy, what did you do today?’ I said, ‘Well, I spoke to 35,000 people.’ It’s like ‘Boring.’ It’s not interesting,” The focus of Obama’s interview was the importance of finding time to spend time with your family, even if you happen to be running for President of the United States of America.

In the past it was thought that being a “good parent” meant spending more time away from your kids - coming to work early and leaving late, schmoozing your way up the corporate ladder after hours, volunteering for extra projects and business trips, etc. But over time, parents and parenting experts have come to realize that it’s not how much you give your kid that’s important - it’s how much time you give them.

However, there are different ways to spend time with kids, each with it’s own value and it’s own potential pitfalls:

1. Structured time

Structure is the key to creating a safe, predictable and reliable environment for your kids. Whether it’s a specific time set aside for working on homework together, time spent playing on the weekends, regular trips to the grandparents or even just a few minutes a day to wind down and chat, kids feel much more secure and comfortable if they know what to expect and when. This is not to say that your house needs to be run like a military boarding school - too much structure can be stifling and oppressive. But at least some regular activities should be scheduled, and everyone (that means you, too, mom and dad) must ensure that those times are strictly off limits to outside interference.

2. Play time

Play is very important to kids. As many parenting experts have pointed out, play is the “work” kids must do in order to grow and learn. As a parent, joining in on the play is not only fun for both of you, it gives you a chance to create lasting, pleasant memories and lets you keep an eye on their development. Plus, since habits can be harder to break away from than occasional activities, regularly playing together as a family can create long-term behavior patterns that will stand you in good stead when teen angst hits.

On the flip side, parents who try too hard to be “popular” or “the nice parent” may substitute playtime for parenting, or use play as a reward (and it’s removal as a punishment) rather than a necessary activity. Think of play like a vitamin for your kid’s successful development - they need to get the right amount to grow up healthy, neither too much nor too little.

3. Support time

We all need support in order to grow and thrive. Without your support, your kids will never have the confidence and security to become the people they have the potential to become. Be there when your child needs you to be there, whether that’s a school play or a bad breakup. On the other hand, no one can do more damage to a child than the proverbial “helicopter parent.” Hovering over your child at every moment, doing things for them that they should be doing themselves and getting them out of the consequences of their own behavior are a sure-fire way to ensure your child grows up incapable of dealing with life on their own.

Finally, a word about “quality time.” This is in quotes for a reason. While it’s certainly a no-brainer that you want your time with your children to be quality time, it’s easy to confuse that with what experts call “guilty parenting.” For example, a non-custodial parent may overcompensate for not being around by making sure that all their time spent with their child is “maxed out” - sporting events, amusement parks, trips to the zoo, etc. However, guilty parenting simply sets up unrealistically high expectations on the part of the child, and deprives them of real personal time with their parent - you’re so busy trying to make things perfect that you’re not actually “there” with them.

One thing we know for sure is that memories of experiences linger longer and stronger than memories of things. Think back to your best memories as a kid. Sure, we all remember the times when we finally got that certain toy we’d been begging for, or were surprised with something unexpected. But most of our happiest memories come from spending time together doing something meaningful.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to provide your kids the latest doodads and fancy clothes. But do yourself and your kids a favor and remember not to sacrifice what limited and very precious time you have on the altar of material gain. Because just as no one on their deathbed is going wish they’d spent more time at the office, no kid reaching adulthood is ever going to wish Mom and Dad had spent more time away from home so they could have had one more toy.

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“True justice is paying only once for each mistake”

How often do we overlook the above aphorism as we repeatedly revisit past mistakes, injuries, and confrontations?  There are times I lie sleepless and recall arguments I had with college sweethearts, high school teachers, and even the grade school bully.  What do I get for my trouble?  Sometimes I experience that all-too-familiar wave of panic, other times an uneasy stomach or a rapidly beating heart; that feeling is almost always accompanied by guilt, resentment, or both.  The experience never benefits me and I’ve reached the point in my life where I need to stop it.

The Problem of Repunishment

We’ve been conditioned from birth to retain our flaws and mistakes in two ways: by example and through confrontation.  The first form of conditioning is by example; we see and hear our parents do it every day.  Your dad forgets to take the trash out after dinner; your mom gets angry and calls him on it.  But instead of saying: “Dear, your forgot the trash”, she says: “You forgot the trash again!  You NEVER remember to take it out!” Now your dad doesn’t deal with the current situation, rather he relives every time he forgot.  He feels guilt and frustration well up, he becomes defensive, and the argument begins.  The second form of conditioning is more direct; someone will be displeased and say: “How many times do I have to tell you…” Then we relive each of our past mistakes and feel the guilt, the pain, and the frustration.

By the time we’re in high school (if not long before), we’ve become so conditioned that we put ourselves through the ringer.  We don’t need anyone else to do it to us; we start repunishing ourselves.  You run late for work after school, again.  Instead of focusing on today’s tardiness, you relive each time you have been late.  The panic and guilt start to build, and build, and build as you revisit each transgression.  When you finally get to work you have rehashed every time you have been late to work, and you re-experience all of the negative energy from each time.

The worst part of the situation, however, is that we don’t let anything go.  We retain all of this emotional poison and add the new stuff.  Then, the NEXT time something happens, we get to revisit it all AGAIN.  And the cycle continues, because we have great memories and consciences.  We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find our selves guilty, and we punish ourselves.  No wonder we go through our lives feeling defensive, guilty, and uncertain.

Taking Control Of Our Lives

However, we can take control of our lives and stop this painful cycle.  The process isn’t difficult, but it will be unsettling at first and require some adjustment.  We experience this discomfort as we rebel against what we’ve learned and become accustomed to our entire lives.  The more ingrained our solution becomes, however, the more comfort it provides as we adapt to the new standard.  I’ve outlined below the process I have been using to stop this self punishment.

1. Acknowledge and own the mistake. This not only calms us but gives us some power over the situation.  If something “isn’t our fault”, then how can we take action to correct the situation?  We can’t.  By accepting responsibility for a situation, we make ourselves “response able” (thanks to Steven Covey for this phrase).

2. Identify the mistake. Analyze the situation and see just exactly what caused the undesired outcome.  It could have been a simple typo, it could have been procrastination, it could have been a misunderstanding, it could have been an omission, etc.  Whatever the source of the problem, we need to identify it as clearly and completely as possible.

3. Correct the problem. Implement a new system to avoid omissions, determine where our scheduling technique broke down, etc.  Make sure that, to the best of our ability, that we have implemented a solution that should prevent the same (or a very similar) mistake from recurring.  Be proud of this accomplishment - it enables us to let go of our disappointment, guilt, frustration, fear, anger, etc.

4. Move on. Obviously this is harder than it sounds.  However, our preparation above has led us to a position where we can honestly tell ourselves that we know what happened, we don’t like what happened, and we have fixed the problem that led to it occurring.  By taking both responsibility and action, we create a powerful combination that allows us, with a bit of discipline, to live in the present and not rehash the past.

Final Thoughts

If we find ourselves trying to rehash a past mistake, it is important to STOP.  Observe what we are doing, identify the problem triggering this response, and remind ourselves of the solution we implemented to stop that problem from repeating.  Then focus on our solution and a couple of instances where our solution has led to positive outcomes.  As we train ourselves to make this part of our process, we’ll be pleasantly surprised to find this easier and easier to accomplish.

This post was written by Forrest McDonald.

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“I want to recruit you, and train you, for the Responsibility Revolution. I want to help you feel good about your company and grow more good within it. I want to help you feel more fulfilled by your job, by helping your company to see the value of giving back to the larger world.”

If you read the Amazon reviews you will see it has been extremely well received (19 review - all 5 stars).

I have 10 copies to giveaway to subscribers to my monthly newsletter. If you would like to subscribe simply enter your name and email address below (or if you are reading this in a reader/ email click here to visit my article):

The next issue of my newsletter will be published this weekend.

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“We primarily grow as human beings by discovering new truths about ourselves and our reality.” - Steve Pavlina

The scope of personal development and growth is a broad one. It is through the powerful impact of personal development and growth that we can grow and improve our relationships, our careers, our wealth, our health, and our happiness. At the very fundamental core of this broad and powerful pursuit is self awareness.

To discover new truths about ourselves is to expand our self awareness. Think of self awareness as a circle. Everything within and without the circle is the self. What is within the circle is what your current level of self awareness allows you to consciously perceive.

As you expand your circle of self awareness not only are you consciously aware of a greater portion of your self but also the borders of your awareness have expanded such that your self awareness borders upon an expanded field of future discovery and growth.

The more doors we open the more doors we discover there are to be opened. Self awareness is the very beginning of personal development. It may very well be the ultimate end.

Why is Self Awareness Important?

“A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes.” - Gandhi

The perspective we take on the happenings of the world and our lives largely determines for us the state of our world and our being. Thus probably the most vital lesson we can learn in life is the importance of what we think.

If you think failure you will find reasons to fail and inevitably succumb to it. If you think health and wellbeing you will make the conscious decision to take the path that leads to greater health and wellbeing.

Unfortunately, many of us do not consciously choose the perspective we take. Our thoughts, which may be considered covert behavior, may simply roll with life and become conditioned by events, the media and other people around us.

If this happens we have given up our power as human beings to create our world and our life around us. In fact we are using our own power against ourselves to make ourselves feel powerless. It is impossible for us to develop and grow ourselves if we lack awareness of ourselves.

How Can We Become More Self Aware?

“A person who is aware of himself is in a better position to predict and control his own behavior.” – B. F. Skinner

Within Buddhism one of The Three Poisons is Moha or delusion. Buddhism sees the three poisons as the root cause of all suffering. Moha basically means not knowing what is going on within oneself.

According to Buddhism, Moha is the most fundamental of the three poisons. It is a lack of awareness that lies at the root of all our problems. The cure Buddhism proposes is to extend clarity and awareness down into processes that are normally unconscious.

It is mindfulness that Buddhism uses to achieve this aim. Mindfulness is the process of bearing something in mind. An awareness, which does not drift along the surface of things but is a thorough observation, observing without judgment, without habitual reaction or compulsion, but clearly acknowledges what is actually there in the flow of experience, noting its nature.

Thus one of the ways in which we can expand our circle of self awareness is through the development of mindfulness. This can be achieved both through meditation practice and by making a conscious choice to actively be more mindful in our daily lives. In this way, through greater self awareness, we become empowered to choose our own way, to grow ourselves in the manner of our own choosing.

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Open Your Spiritual Sight. Take the course from SpiritualBlog.com on aura sight, developing insight and opening personal intuition.