Feel the Pain, Then Make the Change
Photo by Ali. K (above) and Cruadinx (below).
I have a confession. I have a “good job” - it is with a respectable company, it pays reasonably well and there are excellent opportunities to advance further. But I feel unfulfilled. There you go, I said it. After months of people in my life asking about my new job, and me replying “it’s going well”, I am stating here for the record that I want more.
What do I want? Well it is probably best I start with what I don’t want. I don’t want to only have a maximum of 2 hours each day with my son. I don’t want to be promoted to a job where this time will only diminish. I don’t want to commute an hour going to and from work each day. And I don’t want a job where I find myself wishing the time away.
The Pain
The pain I describe is all too common. Across the world there are literally millions of parents, managers, service providers, labourers, professionals, and executives who are bored, frustrated, and unfulfilled. In one sense I feel lucky to have a “good job” like mine - there are many who don’t even have that.
But this doesn’t mean that I should settle for a job that, when I am perfectly honest with myself, leaves me bored and unfulfilled. I want to do something with my life that fully taps my talents and fuels my passion. I want to a career that makes me feel alive. And secretly I dream of being “any wired” - ie having the ability to work anywhere (well… anywhere with an Internet connection 
).
It seems to me that one roadblock that stands in the way of change is the tendency for people, myself included, to deny or numb the pain we feel about our situation. I’m sure, of course, there are certain types of pain where this strategy is perfectly justified. But what happens when we deny the pain related to something such as our career? Here are a few things I have experienced:
- We forget how to dream
- We forget our true capabilities and skills
- We become unhappy (both consciously and unconsciously)
- We turn to forms of escapism
Making the Change
So how should a person deal with this pain? My first suggestion is to recognize and feel the pain. It will be uncomfortable and it could hurt a great deal, but you will at least know you are alive instead of being a zombie or on autopilot. Personally, I have found that it is in these moments of pain that we begin to open the door to change. When we are honest with ourselves about the problem, we give ourselves the opportunity to fix it. And not only that, we can tap into an incredible source of motivation.
Even today I still draw motivation from some of the most painful events of my life. The divorce of my parents when I was young motivates me to work hard to ensure Kathryn and I have a happy, loving and lasting relationship. The memory of a few very tough years in high school when I was seriously depressed motivates me to treat other people how I like to be treated. I certainly don’t dwell on these types of pain, but like a scar they are always there as a reminder of how I don’t want things to be.
If indeed you want to step through the door to a better life, here are some ideas (career related and in general) to get you started:
- Change your thinking: according to Stephen R Covey, “if you want to make minor, incremental changes and improvements, work on practices, behaviour or attitude. But if you want to make significant, quantum improvement, work on paradigms“. What this means is that you need to change your assumptions, theories, and frame of reference through which you view the world. Or, as my friend Jason recently put it: break down your walls.
- Don’t settle: make the decision to not settle for second best (or worse) in life. Here are a few signs that you may have settled.
- Increase your awareness: be conscious of the great number of opportunities available to you in life. Gather sparks of curiosity which will hopefully, in time, turn into an inferno of passion.
- Take small steps: this article is about making large, significant changes to your life. But that doesn’t mean you need to take big steps to reach that better life. In fact, there is a certain magic in starting small. As Lao Tzu once said: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
- Have multiple careers: if you loathe to answer “what do you do?” with a single answer, consider having multiple careers.
- Take the plunge: According to Steve Pavlina in his article Career Transitions, changing your career can be as simple as going to your current boss and saying, “I quit.”
So What Do I Plan to Do?
Well now that I have been truthful with myself about the pain, I feel free to starting moving in the direction of change. I don’t believe it is necessary to share with everyone in my life my inner thoughts - Grandma doesn’t really need to hear that I want to ditch my “good job”. But the important thing is I have been truthful with myself.
As I mentioned at the start of this article, the pain of being bored and unfulfilled with the work we do is a common problem that people faced by millions of people worldwide. One realization I have had is that many people before me have been in the same situation and have found a way to change their direction. So one thing I plan to do is over the next month or two is to have some interviews with, and guest articles from, people who have successfully changed careers. I have already pinned down Todd from We The Change for an interview, and there are a few other people I will be contacting soon (or, if you have an interesting story to share feel free to contact me).
I will also be starting another online project in the near future which I am excited to share with everyone, but I will let you know more about that soon……
In the meantime, does anyone have any good advice for changing careers, or for making any other big changes to your life? Please share your thoughts below.
Competition Winners
The winners from the How To Kickstart Your Day competition, who both will receive a copy of the book What’s Your Expiry Date?, are Sveninarxao and Jennifer Mannion from Heal Pain Naturally.
Learn how I found happiness and meaning and how you can too. Get your FREE copy of my e-book by signing up.
31 Comments
January 23rd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Peter,
People in your situation don’t typically need advice, they need motivation and a clear path to follow that leads them to change.
Sometimes that motivation can come within after some soul searching, praying, or whatever. Other times, that motivation can come from the outside.
In your case, I’m going to attempt to trigger your motivation from the outside by recommending a really great book to you.
It’s called 48 Days To the Work You Love by Dan Miller.
48 Days to the Work You Love
Hopefully that link works. If not, just search for it on Amazon by title.
I think it will help completely change your life around in terms of your career crisis.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Great post, Peter, and one that discusses concepts that more people need to be aware of. We have so many “zombies” walking around the corporate halls of the workplace, yet very few of them seem interested in finding a cure for their ailments.
Personally, I am very ANTI-job. I’m not saying that every single person should be self-employed, but I am saying that there are plenty of people who could - and should - get out and do their own thing, and that they should do it sooner, rather than later.
Can’t wait to hear what your new online endeavor is going to be about, Peter!
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January 23rd, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Peter how generous and courageous of you to share your true feelings! I totally understand how you feel. I wasted way too much time in unfulfilling jobs.
On the positive side of that, I did learn many great skills in those jobs which I can apply to what I’m doing now.
My advice is bide your time, save some money, and as soon as it’s practical, make the transition. Also, take the opportunity to make the most of what you’re doing now. Everything leads to something better!
All the best.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Hi Peter, That was a wonderful post and I know it is an issue MANY people struggle with. I think you’ve taken the first step just by being aware that you are not happy and setting the intention to be “any wired”. Kevin’s suggestion above sounds like a GREAT resource for the next step. I wish you all the best! Thank you so much for the Kickstart Your Day competition. I’m grateful to have won the book and look forward to reading it! Gratefully, Jenny
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January 23rd, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Peter:
c) You are on the right path my man….you are “awakening” and garnering increased awareness…this can be scary, but is a GREAT thing….it is ultimately liberating and will lead you to a path of real fulfillment and joy.
a) thanks for the link love
b) I hope you didnt tout the accolades of your wonderful blog to your employers during the interview process…in which case they are reading this article right now
My recommedation: don’t do anything “rash”, increase your knowledge and awareness, and the right situations will come along. Patience has been the toughest thing for me to accept in my “journey”….and we can certainly talk about this in our interview!!
Todd Goldfarb
We The Change
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January 23rd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Dont’ Settle…..that’s the one I stuggle with the most. It’s so easy to accept things the way they are or not challenge the present out of fear or uncertainty. I hope you write more about this aspect of your outline Peter…I’d like to get more details on not settling. On holding on at all cost VS finally letting go. Great Stuff.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Do some retrospective and introspective thinking to understand what you enjoy doing. What did you enjoy doing as a child, but never or rarely do now? What absorbs you? What would you be willing to do, even if you didn’t get paid for it?
Most importantly, know that it is not required that you find one thing you love and focus all of your time and attention doing that one thing. Most of us enjoy doing many things. The trick is creating a life that allows you to do the things you love and get paid for it.
My suggestion is to “Test Drive” a new career or passion. Once you decide on career/work possibilities, shadow someone who is already doing the job you’re considering, work as an intern or interview people who have experience at the job. These are ways to test the waters before you dive in.
Finding work you’re passionate about is a process and a journey. Along the way, you may alter your path, but as you go along, your vision of the destination will become clearer. I’ve taken the journey and love where I’ve ended up.
Kennette Reed
http://www.discoveringyourpassion.com http://www.resiliencecoach.com
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January 23rd, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Well, if you continue to add subscribers like you have been, maybe you can become a ProBlogger… wouldn’t that be awesome? I’d really like that myself.
I have to admit, I’m tired of my current job, as well… especially since the part of the company I work for just got sold, and there is a ton of chaos right now.
Ah well, I have a couple of good ideas to implement (and hopefully make money), and a work from home job possibility coming up in a few months, so I’ll just have to be patient.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Great post
I am lucky to finally be in a job that I love. In my old job I was very well-paid and doing very well, but wasn’t happy. I worked through “What Color Is Your Parachute” every job change, and each time got closer to what I wanted. Then one day a friend rang me and said “your job’s just been advertised in the paper” - and she was right. Because I knew what I wanted, I recognised it when it came along.
But even a wonderful job has its downsides. I get paid a LOT less than I used to (but I don’t mind, because I’m a lot happier). I still have paperwork, days I go home exhausted, and days I count the minutes til home time. But in general, life is much, much better.
If you’re stuck in a job you hate, my advice is figure out what you want (and I agree, what you don’t want too). Then slowly work towards it, changing what you can change now, and looking for opportunities to change some more. Small changes can be even more effective than big ones in the long run. Good luck!
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January 24th, 2008 at 6:36 am
I’m in the same boat with you, Peter. My job is comfortable, but I’m still selling my time. I hate that. My dream is to work from anywhere with an internet connection and not be tied up by a schedule.
In my opinion you are already well on your way to success and there is no way back for you. You’ve been true to yourself and you’ve also announced it publicly. The former gives a great boost of motivation to me. It’s like burning the bridges behind you. Once you go public with your decision, you can’t go back. I’ve always used to keep the unfinished things in secret from everybody else. I thought: “What if I fail, it’s going to be embarrassing.” Now I’ve realized, perhaps I’ve been wrong. Perhaps the attitude should be: When you announce it - you cannot fail. I wish you all the best and I think you will be fine. You already know how you want your life to be, and there is no way you can settle for something else now.
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January 24th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Thank you everyone for your positive and supportive comments. It means a lot to me
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January 25th, 2008 at 3:54 am
Peter - thank you for being so honest and sharing a piece of you story. You are an encouragement to those of us who feel the exact same way.
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January 25th, 2008 at 4:28 am
Peter, good stuff you’ve got here! I truly agree with Zhereford & Todd that you should plan the transition before you take the plunge. Especially since you’ve more commitments with a growing family.
But anytime you’re ready, we’ll welcome you to the new rich!
Cheers,
Ellesse
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January 25th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Hey Peter,
We at FruitfulTime would like to join others to show our support to you and encourage you to take your future in your own hands. If you allows us, we would like to suggest 2 things that you should keep in mind:
1. Don’t listen to what others say about your future
2. Set a plan and stick too…. keep focused and you will succeed!
FruitfulTime Team
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January 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
“…does anyone have any good advice for changing careers, or for making any other big changes to your life?”
Well, this post is very interesting. Especially since I have not 10 mintues ago just finished a post of my own, explaining how I told my boss ‘I quit’ my full-time job, only to be offered a (perfectly-suited) part-time one!!!
I think the key, as you’ve said, is honesty. And sometimes, the hardest person to be honest with, is yourself. We are so busy assuring the world that we’re doing fine (even if we’re not), that it’s all peachy-keen (even when it isn’t), that we sometimes convince ourselves that all is well, when that’s the last thing it is.
It takes guts to be honest with oneself, I’ve found. Still, guts is required. If I hadn’t been honest with myself about the stress that a full-time job was putting on my young family, then I wouldn’t have found the guts to tell my boss about it. And if I hadn’t done that, I would now still be slogging out that full-time treadmill, instead of relishing in my perfectly-suited part-time role.
Life is too short, I say. A little guts never hurt anyone.
Great post!
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January 26th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
You will prevail
Stay focused on the end goal.
A few quotes to help (hopefully):
“Do not ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Harold Whitman
“Chase your passion, not your pension.”
Denis Waitley
Best of luck!
Great Hera
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January 26th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
[...] S C presents Feel the Pain, Then Make the Change posted at I will change your life . [...]
January 26th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Peter, I know exactly how you feel. The first step of moving on is exactly what you have done, admitting it to yourself. It took me a long time to tell myself the truth, but it is so liberating. I have always wanted more and know it is out there for the taking; you just have to have the right mind set and attitude.
http://www.JuiceofChampions.com
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January 27th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
[...] S C presents Feel the Pain, Then Make the Change posted at I will change your life . com. The pain I describe is all too common. Across the world [...]
January 30th, 2008 at 12:38 am
When I quit my job I was flooded with letters and emails people telling me about their wish to quit, but never found “the way” or of numerous other limitations.
I’ve been like that for years, but the brewing pain you described had been continually haunting me, i think you’ve nailed it in this post about feeling the pain, if it wasn’t painful enough, people will choose to endure rather than change.
After i quit, i recieved a phone call from the manager who hired me from years ago (who since changed company), he said that he walked into my life at some stage in the past, and years later, I walked into his life again with inspiration to allow him remember the lost dream he once had… all the words i’m getting had an a big impact on me, so now I’m sharing my thoughts with others about how they can change.
I wish you great success this year, it appears that you are closer to your dreams too, I’m sure that one day you will get to spend as much time as you wish with your family and doing the things you totally enjoy.
Cheers!
Wyatt
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February 3rd, 2008 at 3:17 am
[...] Feel the Pain, Then Make the Change Across the world there are literally millions of parents, managers, service providers, laborers, professionals, and executives who are bored, frustrated, and unfulfilled. This post outlines one man’s plan for change. [...]
February 3rd, 2008 at 11:24 am
[...] S C presents Feel the Pain, Then Make the Change which is an honest article that makes me think he needs to rename his blog I Will Change My Life [...]
February 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
thanks for this great post.
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March 26th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
[...] Peter at I Will Change Your Life Perhaps my first blogging friend who has also become the editor of Pick The Brain. This is my favorite article from Peter: Feel The Pain, Then Make The Change. [...]
May 24th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Why is it easier to know what we don’t want than it is to know what we do want? Great post.
Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Mirroring—Good And Bad In Each Of Us
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October 5th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Hi Peter,
Thanks for the eye-opener.
I am currently going through a very confused phase of my life - I have a vague idea of what I want to do. But I neither know how to do it, nor have the guts to explore (for fear of facing myself!). Your post has inspired me to open a Word document to list out the fears and it is so liberating. Thank you!!
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