How to Become Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Did you ever enter a room, see people talking and laughing together and wonder: how are they so at ease? Does it feel like a big deal to just “jump into a conversation” or assert your opinion? Do you have trouble relaxing and just being yourself in the company of others?

Many of us carry around the notion that other people are more emotionally and intellectually solid than we are. Is this true? Is it some kind of glitch in the human brain which makes us regard others as being better or superior?

If we press the pause button and really stop, what happens? We realize that our comfort level has much more to do with ourselves than anybody else. Here are some ways to become more effective, simply by feeling more at peace with who (and how) we are.

Don’t Sweat It

How often do you get preoccupied with all the little things that went wrong today and what others may think? The truth is that nobody is judging as harshly as you are… and if they are, maybe they’re someone you don’t want to be hanging around with anyway. Change this attitude of dwelling in the negative – and action will follow. When you focus on solutions instead of problems, other people will pick up on the fact that you are confident, fearless, and expect results. Pretty soon, you’ll start believing it, too.

Fake it to Make It

We are constantly in the line of fire of a barrage of criticism created by none other than… ourselves! But why insert pain where none needs to exist? If you’re feeling less than perfect either in your career or personal life, try the “fake it to make it” attitude on for size. When we use our intelligence to simulate a healthy mindset, it leads to a genuine healthy mindset.

To kick this off, surround yourself with people whom you’d like to become more like. Choose positive personalities who can help you grow and develop new and valued skills. Taking your cue from your role models, practice ways of speaking and behaving that reflect this new, can-do approach to living. What you believe about yourself tends to manifest itself… so maintain a flow of good energy. Next time you’re in a crowded room, see how much more confident and assured you feel.

Self-Empowerment Through Positive Thought

People who feel uncomfortable about themselves and ineffective in their lives tend to see everything as a roadblock to their own happiness. Next time something goes wrong, pay attention to that mental chatter in your head. Is your mind suggesting that you’re too (weak, incapable, insert other negative trait) to manage and solve the problem? Now ask yourself: is this mindset bringing me closer to, or farther away from my goal? And do these thoughts make me feel happy and at ease, or angry and awkward?

Once you recognize how self-defeating a negative outlook can be, and the silent message it sends to others about you… learn to change your mind, literally. Have a positive attitude about yourself, your life, your career choice, and your abilities… no matter what these are or what anyone else might be doing. You will become a more assured person because of it.

It’s Really Only Skin Deep

We are constantly shown images of sharp, good-looking, confident people on television and advertisements. Although sometimes what we look like can dictate how others see us, it’s really the confidence and energy we put into our work and life that shows others who we are. Therefore, put your best face forward by “knowing” you look and feel the best you can. People will be able to read this assuredness and will presume you are feeling your best, even if you’re not.

Stay Active

One way to ensure confidence and balance in our lives is to remember how important exercise is to both our bodies and our minds. Exercise is, in essence, a proven mood enhancer. When we get our heart rate up and our muscles moving, our bodies produce endorphins. This relieves pain, reduces stress, postpones the aging process, and makes us feel better about ourselves. And, after a while, we’ll even look better to others as well!

Other tips: stay positive and active. Simplify your life. Regain control over your hectic schedule. When we set our day’s goals and focus on a greater meaning and purpose for our lives, we are on our way to true success: happiness. People who are genuinely happy feel at ease with others and comfortable in their own skin.

What can you do today to begin heading in a positive direction?

David B. Bohl

This article was written by David B. Bohl – Husband, Father, Friend, Lifestyle Coach, Author, Entrepreneur, and creator of Slow Down FAST.

Latest posts by David B. Bohl (see all)

12 Comments

  1. Wonderful post.

    Very true. I started feelings heaps better about myself when I started exercising and scheduling me time. Even if it was just going to the bookstore and reading, it’s something I am doing for me!

    I am currently working on being assertive, though. :-)

    Reply
  2. Self image is key to being successful, and this includes social confidence. See yourself as confident first and the image will spill out into reality.

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  3. We all wear disguises and fool ourselves into believing that the disguise, rather than the confidence it brings, is what attracts others to us.

    The “self-help” books out there urging people to “find your strengths” and “minimize your weaknesses” are not necessarily helping, either. What is a “weakness” anyway? Not being able to meet the socially accepted definition of “strength?”

    We are all given a set of skills. Whether they are a strength or weakness is up to us and not according to social convention…

    “We get so much in the habit of wearing disguises before others that we finally appear disguised before ourselves.” ~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld

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    • You are soooooo right.

      Reply
  4. Good post.
    As a life coach, I sort of know that few “successful” people are truly confident. The sense of our well-being really depends on how well we are connected to the Divine source (or God or Higher Power or nature or the grand scheme or whatever you call) rather than how we may appear to be, so paying less attention to “skin deep” issues is a great way to relief.

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  5. It’s so true. We spend too much time fretting over what others may think of us that we feel miserable. Let’s just Be ourselves and have a great time!

    Evelyn

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  6. Wasn’t it Warren Buffett or Dale Carnegie who said “you are the company you keep.”

    I too believe that what you believe of yourself manifests itself… For this reason, engage with those individuals that make you feel better about you. Engage in those activities that make you feel better about you.

    I have closer friendships with those individuals that motivate me, support me, inspire me… I engage in those activities that make me feel good about myself.

    And the end of the day, I think that I’m a better person for it all!

    Ricardo Buenos last blog post..Borrow Money When You CAN, Not When You NEED To!

    Reply
  7. Yesterday I failed from my comprehensive exam ,one exam for PhD students.I felt horrible horrible and I even thought about suicided since a part of it was not fair and I could not discuss about my rights.I just kept silent when they announced the result.After,I felt full of guilt and sadness by now.Your post gave me energy and motivation to start to think about the next exam and the future.But still I am suffering from lack of confidence. I can not talk my mind clearly and express my feeling easily.Do I need therapy?
    With thanks,

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  8. Great post Peter.

    As a Yogi, I agree that exercising your body (and your mind) makes a tremendous difference in the way we feel about ourselves and others. Our overactive imaginations as many ways to change our perception of reality and make us believe that we’re not okay as we are.

    A good way I found to cope with this is by constantly bringing myself back into the here and now. Then I realize that everything is fine and that I can just relax and be. :)

    Reply
  9. Take life easy. don’t take it all too seriously. That’s one of my top tips for a happy life.

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  10. I have been doing the same thing… shceduling time for ME and it’s great! :)

    It seems to take quite a bit more effort though to become assertive, so I’m still working on that too. I think it has a lot to do with being truely confident in what you believe and knowing that being assertive is not a bad thing… it can actually help a relationship progress and can get people to really listen to you.

    Reply
  11. I like the quote

    Reply

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