Did you ever enter a room, see people talking and laughing together and wonder: how are they so at ease? Does it feel like a big deal to just “jump into a conversation” or assert your opinion? Do you have trouble relaxing and just being yourself in the company of others?

Many of us carry around the notion that other people are more emotionally and intellectually solid than we are. Is this true? Is it some kind of glitch in the human brain which makes us regard others as being better or superior?

If we press the pause button and really stop, what happens? We realize that our comfort level has much more to do with ourselves than anybody else. Here are some ways to become more effective, simply by feeling more at peace with who (and how) we are.

Don’t Sweat It

How often do you get preoccupied with all the little things that went wrong today and what others may think? The truth is that nobody is judging as harshly as you are… and if they are, maybe they’re someone you don’t want to be hanging around with anyway. Change this attitude of dwelling in the negative – and action will follow. When you focus on solutions instead of problems, other people will pick up on the fact that you are confident, fearless, and expect results. Pretty soon, you’ll start believing it, too.

Fake it to Make It

We are constantly in the line of fire of a barrage of criticism created by none other than… ourselves! But why insert pain where none needs to exist? If you’re feeling less than perfect either in your career or personal life, try the “fake it to make it” attitude on for size. When we use our intelligence to simulate a healthy mindset, it leads to a genuine healthy mindset.

To kick this off, surround yourself with people whom you’d like to become more like. Choose positive personalities who can help you grow and develop new and valued skills. Taking your cue from your role models, practice ways of speaking and behaving that reflect this new, can-do approach to living. What you believe about yourself tends to manifest itself… so maintain a flow of good energy. Next time you’re in a crowded room, see how much more confident and assured you feel.

Self-Empowerment Through Positive Thought

People who feel uncomfortable about themselves and ineffective in their lives tend to see everything as a roadblock to their own happiness. Next time something goes wrong, pay attention to that mental chatter in your head. Is your mind suggesting that you’re too (weak, incapable, insert other negative trait) to manage and solve the problem? Now ask yourself: is this mindset bringing me closer to, or farther away from my goal? And do these thoughts make me feel happy and at ease, or angry and awkward?

Once you recognize how self-defeating a negative outlook can be, and the silent message it sends to others about you… learn to change your mind, literally. Have a positive attitude about yourself, your life, your career choice, and your abilities… no matter what these are or what anyone else might be doing. You will become a more assured person because of it.

It’s Really Only Skin Deep

We are constantly shown images of sharp, good-looking, confident people on television and advertisements. Although sometimes what we look like can dictate how others see us, it’s really the confidence and energy we put into our work and life that shows others who we are. Therefore, put your best face forward by “knowing” you look and feel the best you can. People will be able to read this assuredness and will presume you are feeling your best, even if you’re not.

Stay Active

One way to ensure confidence and balance in our lives is to remember how important exercise is to both our bodies and our minds. Exercise is, in essence, a proven mood enhancer. When we get our heart rate up and our muscles moving, our bodies produce endorphins. This relieves pain, reduces stress, postpones the aging process, and makes us feel better about ourselves. And, after a while, we’ll even look better to others as well!

Other tips: stay positive and active. Simplify your life. Regain control over your hectic schedule. When we set our day’s goals and focus on a greater meaning and purpose for our lives, we are on our way to true success: happiness. People who are genuinely happy feel at ease with others and comfortable in their own skin.

What can you do today to begin heading in a positive direction?

Photo by martinak15

David B. Bohl

This article was written by David B. Bohl – Husband, Father, Friend, Lifestyle Coach, Author, Entrepreneur, and creator of Slow Down FAST.

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