You may have noticed I have been writing less as of late. Perhaps the best way to explain this is by reference to that well known advice your mother may have given you: “if you don’t have anything good or positive to say, don’t say anything.”
The past month I have felt uninspired to write – there is no other way to say it really. In examining why this is the case, I can identify 3 factors that have led to me falling into a rut: (1) post holiday blues (2) a growing frustration with my work situation; and (3) after being here in Canada for 10 months, homesickness finally rearing its ugly head.
So then, you may be wondering why I am writing this article. It has hardly been inspiring and positive so far….
I guess it is because in this present moment I feel good. Not in the normal sense though… if anything today has been a shambles so far and I should feel the opposite. I got up on multiple occasions last night to attend to my son, which led to me turning off my alarm and sleeping in. I skipped breakfast (for the first time in years I think…), ran for the bus and spent most of the 1+ hour commute feeling like a sardine. And after all this I arrived at work late.
So why the heck do I feel good?
I guess it is because right now I feel an inner determination in me that has been missing for the past month or so. In fact, I would compare this feeling to how I felt back in 2006 when I finally said “that is enough” and started to make major changes to how I was living my life. It is almost as if a switch has been flicked, and I have decided to once again put my hands on the steering wheel of my life and take control of its direction.
Despite my bad start to the morning, the day has since been what I would describe as a “Project Kill Day”, ie one of those days where you are in the zone and just get things done. I have made some major headway on a work project that I have been working on for weeks, I have finally finished some small tasks that have been hanging around for months like a bad smell and as I write this article I find the words are flowing freely out of my head. Most importantly, I have started to make steps to tackling one of the factors I mentioned above (two of them I can’t really do much about, except to hopefully just get over them).
So if I was to draw attention to one particular point in this article it would be this: significant change in our lives begins with a decision. “That’s enough” we need to tell ourselves. If we are in pain, frustrated, lonely, unorganized, etc…. we need to make a decision to change our current situation. This is what I did back in 2006 when I came to the realization that I needed to sort my life out if I was going to be a father. And the results have been amazing. Yes, admittedly I have been in a bit of a slump lately… but that’s ok… it happens to all of us every so often. What is important is that I have made a decision to change and that I again feel a fire roaring within me…
Lets see what the future brings.
Photo by Tobi Firestone