Getting Back on the Right Life Path
Photo by: Tambako the Jaguar
By Ali Hale
Do you sometimes wonder if you’re on the wrong path through life – but can’t see any way to rework your footsteps and join a different one?
After I graduated from University, I wrote in my journal:
It is exciting to have my whole life ahead of me and know that I could do pretty much anything I put my mind to. It’s daunting but exhilarating to stand at the summit of 16 years’ full-time education and gaze out at the land around me. I could go anywhere from here.
But I didn’t “go anywhere”. I took a well trodden path by getting a job (tech support) in London, leaving home and renting accommodation. The first couple of weeks were fun: I’d worked in temporary office jobs as a student and enjoyed the environment, I was excited to be in London, I was learning a lot of new techy things at work.
But after a month, I wondered “Is this all there is now? For the next 40 years of my life?” And I stumbled across an article online: Steve Pavlina’s 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job:
It’s funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it’s time to go out and get a job. But like many things the masses do, just because everyone does it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
Lessons learned: Just because “everyone else” is taking one route (whether in their job, social life, eating habits or spending habits) doesn’t mean that you have to follow them. Take the time to look for the beginnings of other paths, even ones which are hidden and rarely trodden.
The Wrong Path Narrows Quickly
Whilst the wrong path is easy to join, every step makes it harder to turn back. Your “wrong path” might be overeating (not only gaining more and more weight, but entrenching bad habits deeper and deeper), getting into debt (which can spiral out of control), or abusing alcohol and drugs (an incredibly hard path to break away from.)
After I’d been working for about six months, my boyfriend moved to London (he’d be starting a university degree there in the Autumn) and we joined together to rent a flat on a year-long contract. We looked for what we could afford based on the assumption that he’d get a temporary full-time job. Unfortunately, finding work proved more difficult than either of us had guessed, and my savings dwindled from £5,000 to just £32. I was lucky enough to get a raise at work, though, which stopped us dipping into the red – and once my boyfriend’s student grant came through, I started to save up again. But, at this point, I was convinced I’d need to stay in my job for at least the next three years, whilst he was studying.
Lessons learned: Lack of money is probably the biggest factor for many of us in sticking with the wrong path and not going after our dreams.
The Myth of the One True Path
Once you’re well onto the wrong path, the other people you meet tell you it’s the only path. They may hate it and wish they were walking a different way, but they refuse to accept that other paths can actually be safer, more enjoyable and lead to better destinations.
I found that colleagues were often fed up with the humdrum Monday to Friday, 9-5 routine. But whenever I mentioned that I was saving money (usually to explain why I was bringing in lunch from home, or why I didn’t go out often), they were bewildered. They couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just live paycheck-to-paycheck, like everyone else.
Lessons learned: Be willing to ignore your peers. You don’t have to conform to whatever the “norm” is, especially if it’ll take you further down a path you don’t want to be on (spending too much, eating/drinking in an unhealthy way, schmoozing or blagging your way up the corporate ladder…)
Rumors of Other Paths
Sometimes, people might wander across the path you’re on, then head of into – as far as you can see – a bewildering maze of trees. These people might be artists, freelancers, writers, part-time workers, full-time moms, charity volunteers, world travelers … the one thing they share in common is a certain glow, an inner joy.
As I traveled down the wrong path, I met some of these people. Consultants who worked with my company. Full-time authors at writing conventions. I read and listened to freelancers, entrepreneurs, life coaches, and others, learning from their books, blogs and podcasts. I realized that there really were other paths, not just this grey, endless one.
Lessons learned: Stay open to other possibilities. Just because you’ve never tried something – or perhaps never even heard of it – doesn’t mean it’s not real.
Escaping Your Path
One of the hardest things about being on the wrong path is that you can’t turn back. There’s no way to undo the weeks, months or years that have passed: they’re gone. Wishing that you’d made different choices, or that you’d had better advice, is a waste of time … you can’t change the past. But you don’t need to start again from the beginning of the path. You can cut through the woods.
I saved up for eight months, replacing the whole £5000 that I’d spent the previous summer. I freelanced “on the side” for five months, earning enough money from writing to convince me I could do it for a living. I also did some free work on websites, building up a small portfolio. I worked the hardest I ever have in my life, and there were times when hacking through the forest seemed like far too much work – but the alternative was that long, grey path.
Lessons learned: It’ll be a struggle when you leave your path. Whether you want to quit your job, lose 50 lbs, travel to every country in the world or earn a million dollars – the initial stage will be hard and frustrating at times.
Photo by Back at the Ranch / Lisa
Into the Sunlight
There will come a moment, one shining day, when you hack through the last of the tangled brambles to stand blinking in the sunlight. Your feet are on your new path, which turns and twists through pleasant greenery, and the birdsong above brings an instant feeling of calm as soon as you step out into the light.
Thursday 31st July was my last day in technical support. I finally started on the path I should have taken two years ago: writing, blogging and creating websites. The slow, plodding pace of the old path is gone, and the new one is filled with diversions, resting places, and wonderful fellow travelers.
Lessons learned: Do whatever it takes for you to get onto the right path – it’s worth it.
Are you on the wrong path? What are you doing to fight your way back to the right one?
About the author: written by Ali, a writer and website creator (www.aliventures.com).
You might also like:
- When The Price Of Change Is Too High
- Change The Way You View Money
- The Winding Path: How I Started a Lifetime of Personal Growth
- 8 Important Money Reminders
- 6 Lessons From My 6 Month Old
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36 Comments
August 14th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Hi Ali,
This piece pretty well sums up the way things were for me before I decided to take a different path.
The sad fact is that I’d been on the wrong path for years, and I knew it.
In January this year I started along a different route, and it’s great. I believe I’ve done the right thing and I believe I can make this new direction in life work for me.
I confess that I sometimes fear I might need to tread the old wornout tracks I used to follow (for the reasons you’ve highlighted).
Not today though. Today I’m full of confidence and I look forward to a brighter future.
Thanks.
Dave.
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August 14th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Thanks Dave, it’s fantastic to hear it’s working out for you after eight months
It’s really inspiring to me to read about other people’s journeys, especially because I feel like I’m still tottering along the first few steps of my new path…
Ali
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August 14th, 2008 at 8:59 am
This post strikes at a primary symptom (inertia) of a disease (lack of self-awareness) that most of us are suffering.
Many of us, unknowingly, are following in the path of social conventions. Once we find the job, the car, the house and the life that has already been “planned” for us, the comforts of routine make change even more difficult, especially with the passing of time.
Self-awareness “awakens” us to this misleading path of least resistance and reveals the path to a meaninful existence — our own path…
“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
“You can not travel the path until you have become the path itself.” ~ Buddha
Thanks for the post…
Kent (The Financial Philosopher)
The Financial Philosophers last blog post..The ‘Diminishing Marginal Utility’ of Wealth
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August 14th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Thanks, Ali, for sharing about your journey. It sure sounded awful to have to live on your meagre savings. Your story on turning around thereafter, is highly inspirational. You deserve every bit of success, for sticking to what you believe in and working hard towards it!
All the best always,
Evelyn
Evelyn Lims last blog post..How To Build Intuitive Awareness For Inspired Actions
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August 14th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Ali,
This is an inspiring article hitting all the right points and steps for correcting your path.
I took the socially acceptable path of getting a job because teaching is my passion but I was never like the typical “employee.” Because I was not a “rule-follower” I questioned many of the guidelines and procedures and did my own thing instead. I had more freedom and flexibility than most of my fellow professors because I insisted on it.
In addition to following my vision of how teaching should be done, I always engaged in entrepreneurial endeavors at the same time. I guess you could say I straddled the fence, but I never felt I took the wrong path.
In fact, I changed paths many times. When I tired of one direction, one school or one business, I detoured and carved a new path.
It has been a gratifying life and in retirement I’m continuing to follow my passion as an author, speaker, coach and consultant.
Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.s last blog post..How Far Will You Go If You Risk Succeeding?
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August 14th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Flora, thanks so much for sharing that. I’d not really considered the alternative of carving out your own path — but I imagine you did a huge amount of good in shaking up the schools you were in and being an inspiration to your pupils!
I think teaching is one of the best jobs anyone can do. I know it’s a tough and unappreciated one (there are a lot of teachers in my immediate family!) but as someone who was blessed with some fantastic teachers herself, I can assure you that you will have made a huge difference in many young lives.
Ali
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August 14th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I think that, at some point in life, we have all chosen the wrong path. The difference is, however, that while on the wrong path, most of us realize it or come across someone else who helps us to find our way off of it (whether by backtracking or simply cutting a new path).
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August 14th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Excellent article! I think it’s important to know, too, that the “wrong” path may have been just right for us only six months ago. We have to maintain flexibility, constantly monitoring ourselves – is this still right for me right now? That way, we can avoid that narrow, restrictive sense of being in the “wrong” place altogether.
Blessings,
Andrea
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August 14th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Andrea: very well said – you have perfectly summed up my thoughts in regards to this topic.
Ali: thanks for the great article!
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August 15th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Great point, Andrea, perhaps we sometimes “outgrow” the path we’re on and no longer find it interesting or a challenge. Or perhaps it diverges into several new paths and we have to pick which one to take!
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August 14th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
How right you are. I only recently decided to make a major change in my life, you caught on only two years working for the corporate world. For me it took a little longer, but I’m now living my dream and working along side my husband as he builds his dream as well.
Recently I came across a quote, cross stitched on a pillow and it has had a profound effect on my life and I figure it might on others as well:
Never get so busy making a living that you for how to make a life….
How true it is. I’m going to book mark this post and point my clients to it when they are struggling with their own decisions and path.
Nice writing, well done.
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August 15th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
That’s a lovely quote, Renee, will have to remember that one (especially as I’m a cross-stitcher!) Thanks!
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August 14th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
thx for posting this article it lifted my spirits a bit im stuck in a rut at the moment myself that i cant get out of i went to college and became microsoft certified and i got my A+ qualified pc tech.since ive finished it ive not had one job offer thats been a year since i finished the courses every job i go for is wanting someone with experience or a driving licence i cant even afford to go sit lessons i feel as if im stuck in this grey void my life is standing still and i cant seem to get out of it its horrible lol anyways enough of me. glad to see things have worked out for you
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August 16th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Hi Steven, so glad the article helped a bit. Sounds like you’re having a really frustrating time of it. Can you do something like offer computing help in your local area? (I belong to a forum for my area and there’s quite a few people doing computer repairs etc.) It might not make a lot but could tide you over till you find something more permanent.
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August 14th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
I enjoyed your personal story and the lessons you drew from your choices.
I especially loved the section “Rumors of other paths.” It’s true we meet these people now and then, who are living their dream and possibly ours.
We need to realize that they made it possible by making choices; often difficult ones. As long as we are willing to back our choices with consistency and integrity, we can all do the same. Then one day, someone will meet you, and they will say “that person is living their dream. Maybe I can also.”
Cheers,
John
John Rocheleau – Zen-Momentss last blog post..3 Reasons and 7 Ways to Live in Creative Joy
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August 14th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I figure as long as I’m learning and growing I’m on the right path. Even when I get into situations that I don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s “wrong”. I simply take my time when that’s appropriate and figure out what I want to do next. In addition to preparing for the next step, I learn as much as I can from the present situation. That strategy has worked just fine for me.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monks last blog post..The Joy of Being a Blockhead
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August 14th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
PS When I was in my mid-twenties I tried to figure out what my “dream” was. That approach never worked for me. I then noticed that even though I didn’t know what was around the next corner, I could tell when I was on the right path. So I relaxed and decided to trust my instincts.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monks last blog post..The Joy of Being a Blockhead
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August 16th, 2008 at 1:48 am
Great point, Jean. I know in my own life, my “dream” has changed a few times! I’m still trying to figure out the trusting my own instincts part, though. I think I’m getting better at it (slowly!)
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August 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
One of the most interesting things is that the ‘wrong’ path is often very easy to get onto. Not so much because it always requires little effort, but that there is very often plenty of reinforcement to take those paths.
This ties in with why it is hard to leave them when you decide it is wrong for you.
Jarrod – Warrior Developments last blog post..Are You Timeless?
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August 15th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Steve gives some excellent advice. Thanks for sharing your personal story as well, it’s great you have your journal from so long ago
I started my own company but had a hard time with that, I’m currently in a job that I love, but I know I won’t be here for too long
best wishes
Glen Allsopps last blog post..What Message would you Leave before you Die?
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August 15th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Thanks for this inspiring post. I’ll share one approach to “doing what I love” that has been helpful to me in recent months. I was a full-time attorney at a law firm until ten months ago. I saved a lot of money while I was there, and so when I left and started my own business ventures I didn’t have any immediate financial concerns. After a few months I decided I wanted another income stream, so I took up temp/contract work on the law side. This has helped ensure that I don’t have any financial issues to weigh on my mind while I’m doing my “real work.”
Now, a potential drawback of this strategy is that because you have a source of steady income from temp and contract work, you’ll have less of an incentive to make sure the business on the “what you love” side is steady. But I think if you have actual passion for your “real work,” that’ll be incentive enough — at least that’s been true in my own case.
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August 15th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I’ve never bought the argument that “real work” means you have to get paid for it. Think of the Buddha, Jesus, etc., etc. Hey, it’s okay to have a day job to support your real calling if that turns out to be necessary.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monks last blog post..The Joy of Being a Blockhead
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August 15th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I think it has a lot to do with being in one’s comfort zone. finishing college and getting a “real job” is the very definition of “comfort zone” for many people. Breaking away from it is tough.
Having said that, it’s important to remember that for some people, the “job” path works out beautifully in terms of speedy advancement, great monetary compensation, and eventually, the freedom to choose one’s own schedule. I’m saying that from personal experience: I’ve watched my husband flourish in the corporate world.
Vereds last blog post..Are You A Parent? Stressed Much? You Should Check Out UpToUs
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August 16th, 2008 at 1:52 am
Thanks for sharing that, Chris, I definitely agree that building up a safety net of savings is a good idea (a bit like being fully equiped for a long hard trek before leaving your path.)
Though I agree with Jean too that a number of people are called to do something which doesn’t involve financial gain — I’ve known a number of wonderful Christians in the various churches I’ve attended who have a “day job” to support themselves and their family, but whose passion is the children’s work or community volunteering that they do.
Vered — an important addition, thanks! It’s so easy to get YOUR right path fixed in your mind as “the one true way”. Of course, for a lot of people a corporate path IS the right one — I think it easily could have been for me if I’d been in a company I was passionate about.
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August 17th, 2008 at 3:55 am
My journey was pretty similar, except that I took 10 years of working and made the leap without any money saved. Good for you for planning it out!
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August 17th, 2008 at 7:00 am
Interesting that I should come upon this article now. I’m currently at a crossroads in my life and unsure of which direction to go. I know, I hear you saying that I should go the way my heart tells me I should. The trouble is that my heart isn’t being too noisy about the matter right now! I used to want to do one particular thing and even started the education process toward that goal but life events put it on hold. Now that dream doesn’t seem quite right anymore. Hence the next step for me will be figuring out exactly what my heart’s desire is; in the meantime, I have to stay on that grey path.
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August 17th, 2008 at 8:47 am
good morning…i did not read all of this discourse however did read the beginning and was struck by the idea of the “wrong path.” I believe that in our lives there is no “wrong path” which seems to play itself out in your speaking about your “colleagues” thinking you should live “pay check to pay check” etc. What I think then is that this was the “perfect” place for you to be given that you understood this place you were was not your hearts desire. It is like we have to go somewhere to determine that we want to be somewhere else.
I think there is an element of judgment about others being where they are or making the choices they are making such as the living pay check to pay check. If that is indeed not working for them then like you that is thier determination not one that you have the right to make for them.
As I read this I had a need to respond given that I think part of my work has been to understand that I might want to make different choices for me given that the path I am on is not supporting me however to allow others to be where they are without judging them for it or making them wrong…it is powerful. I do not believe we/I have the right to tell someone where they are is not okay for them, at some level I also believe that where we are at any moment serves us in some way…
A little provocative insight of my own…more work if you want to look at it.
marjorie
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August 18th, 2008 at 4:01 am
Hi Marjorie,
I think you’re completely right — since writing the piece (particularly through reading some of the great comments above) I’m realising more that a path which could be totally wrong for me could be totally right for someone else.
It’s so easy to end up blinkered by what *I* think is right for me and expect everyone in the world to feel similarly! But of course, that’s an awfully egotistical point of view, and one I’m striving to rid myself of.
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August 17th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Hi Ali – Good for you getting off that path. I totally understand where you’re coming from and it’s brilliant that you’re sharing your mistakes with us.
I would also add, that it isn’t always lack of money that keeps you on the wrong path. Earning too much can sometimes do that too. I have been there – but extra money doesn’t really make you live better – you just live differently. For example, I never used to have time to cook a meal. I may have been making a money, but spent a fortune on having to eat out all the time.
Cath Lawsons last blog post..Business Ideas: Can You Keep A Secret?
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August 17th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Hi Ali,
Great Article.
It is very hard to change the path and get into a new routine.We all basically need the safety net.We are having beliefs,right from childhood,from parents,from the society to lead our life in a certain way(ex.9-5 job).
If we have passion for what we are doing,have a back up plan,it is possible to break from the routine and get into what we want to do.
I want to retire from my consulting job 5 to 7 years from now,go back to india,develop my IT company and start an education foundation to help poor children,to open a personal development library,to speak to students and common people to realise their self-worth,the importance of self esteem,self confidence,to teach them what i learned so far in life,to write a self development book.
Hope my dream will come true and i will change my path and do whatever i am passionate to do.
Thanks for sharing.
Note: By the way,your website is simple and attractive.
Best Wishes,
Kannan Viswagandhi
http://www.growing-self.blogspot.com
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September 22nd, 2008 at 8:49 am
This was an absolutely fascinating read, many thanks for this. I agree wholeheartedly when you say that a person should do the utmost to get back on the right path but it takes guts to do that and to get off the wrong path, which may still feel much more comfortable!
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November 9th, 2008 at 11:04 am
This article was fantastic… actually I come from a country (Italy) where once you have chosen your path it is extremely difficult to come back. And it seems strange, but when I arrived in U.K. I found that in this country there are people studying and changing different works all their life and nobody bothers about. For me, and for the culture I had, was a complet shock.. now I am 27 and I realized that I went on the wrong path and I really need a drastical change but, as the article said, I am very afraid of doing that because it is the first step… and I still struggling with the italian culture where at this age you are considered already old to start anything new..
Anyway the article is wonderful! Congratulations with the author!
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November 9th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
My path has always been an inner one: Following the Path, One Step At a TIme, so I never fell into the trap of identifying with making money/worldly achievement. My philosophy is, “Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens, keep learning and growing. Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.” It helps if there are a lot of things you love to do.
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November 21st, 2008 at 3:48 am
I found this quite naive. You think that the discipline and frustrations of paid occupation are the wrong path for you – fine – but that ‘artists, freelancers, writers, part-time workers, full-time moms (!!!), charity volunteers, world travelers’ exude an ‘inner glow’. And you are doing – what exactly?
This is very romantic escapist stuff. The frustrations of grown up life teach you resilience and patience and maturity – as your poverty and savings disciplines proved. Good luck and take care.
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