My Online Poker Addiction
Photo by Melissa Gray
Prior to 2009 I had very little experience with gambling. This changed, however, when one night in early 2009 I was invited to play Texas hold’em poker with some friends. I had no idea what I was doing, and unsurprisingly came away little bit poorer (say $20). Despite this small loss my interest in poker was sparked.
In the middle of 2009 I was invited to celebrate my brother-in-law’s birthday in Las Vegas. While I had now read a couple of books on Texas hold’em, I had very little experience actually playing the game (just two subsequent occasions with the same friends). Not wanting to be seen as a donkey (that’s a poker term for a bad player) in Vegas, I decided to gain some experience by playing online.
While you can play online poker with pretend money, it is basically a waste of time because people don’t act as they do when real money is at stake. This hints at the major reason I enjoy poker – there is a good deal of psychology involved. Because poker is a game of incomplete information, players must make educated guesses as to what will happen next and what their opponents are holding.
After a month or two of regularly playing online poker, the time finally came to head to Vegas. I was the only person in our group interested in poker, so most of the gambling I did in the first night/ day was at the blackjack table. I didn’t have much luck playing blackjack, but I found it a fun and sociable game to play. On the second night I decided to split from my group and hit the poker tables solo.
The first sit-and-go tournament (that’s a one table tournament) I played was fairly uneventful and I was knocked out early on. The second tournament, however, was an experience I will never forget. I received some good hands, and every decision I made just seemed to turn out right. Gradually other people at the table were knocked out, until finally it was just myself and one other guy remaining. At this stage I was unbelievably excited; even if I didn’t win I was guaranteed a nice pay-out for second place. After a few hands of limited action I received Ace-Queen off-suit, a strong hand in heads up hold’em. My opponent liked his hand as well and we both ended up all-in pre-flop. When he turned over his cards I sighed; he had Ace-King off-suit meaning I was dominated and my chances of winning the hand were only around 24%. Thankfully, however, I caught a Queen on the flop and this was enough to win the hand. I had handed my opponent a bad beat, but I didn’t care; I had won in Vegas!
Initially I had started playing online poker to prepare for Vegas, but on returning home I found the game hard to give up. Almost every night after the kids had gone to bed I would play for 1-2 hours. While I was enjoying myself, I became aware that playing this much was having some negative consequences:
- It was annoying my wife (and as they say, “happy wife, happy life”).
- It was distracting me from activities I consider to have lasting value (eg maintaining this blog).
- While I was only playing after the kids were had gone to bed, I was so keen to start playing in the evening that I was less tolerant with the kids as I put them to bed. My older son Xavier (at the time around 2.5 years) could be particularly difficult, and I found myself frequently losing my cool with him.
- As I was going to bed later than normal, I was tired the next day and my work performance suffered.
I was aware of these negatives for awhile, but still I found it hard to stop playing. What finally did it was one night when I found myself back at a point where I had neither won nor lost money playing online poker over the preceding months. I realized I had nothing to show for all those nights I had stayed up late, staring at the computer screen. I subsequently cashed out (the site sent me a cheque in the mail) and then uninstalled the poker software from my computer.
Thoughts On Online Poker
I experienced the high of winning in Vegas and the low of a mild online poker addiction that was interfering with my life. So what do I think of gambling and, in particular, online poker? The following are some of my thoughts:
1. Online poker can be fun and exciting.
“The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil.” ~ Heywood Hale Broun
It is human nature to feel excited when taking risks and the positive feeling gained from gambling is no different. The sense of anticipation creates a natural high, an adrenalin rush, a feeling that very many of us seek when looking for fun and entertainment. Also, gambling provides an escape from everyday life.
2. Online poker can be addictive.
“You don’t gamble to win. You gamble so you can gamble the next day.” ~ Bert Ambrose
For many people gambling gets out of hand, resulting in a compulsive gambling problem. Compulsive gamblers are characterized by their inability to control their gambling urges to the point that all they think about is gambling and ways to support this habit.
Interestingly, as I was writing this article my blogging friend Daniel Richard sent me a copy of his first e-book, Breaking the Gambling Addiction. In the book Daniel tells of how winning his very first bet at the age of 16 led to a 5-year gambling addiction. This addiction escalated to the point where he was stealing from his employer to support his habit.
3. Online poker can cost you a lot of money.
“There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” ~ Jack Yelton
This is not a problem I personally experienced, but it is obvious that gambling costs some people a lot of money. If gamblers start to losing they may keep spending more and more money in the hope that they will win again soon. Often this can result in them getting into debt in an attempt to win back the money they have lost.
4. Online poker can give you false hope.
“A gambler is nothing but a man who makes his living out of hope.” ~ William Bolitho
In 2003 Chris Moneymaker won the World Series of Poker. According to Wikipedia, this win “revolutionized poker because he was the first person to become a world champion by qualifying at an online poker site.” Since Chris’ win there have others just as Peter Eastgate (2008) and Joe Cada (2009) who have won the World Series of Poker after learning to play poker online. For their wins, Eastgate (22 at the time) and Cada (21 at the time) pocketed $9,152,416 and $8,546,435 respectively.
This clearly shows that some people make good money, strike it rich even, from gambling. However, such people are in the minority (just think, those millions have to come from somewhere). It follows, then, that for most people a hope to strike it rich playing poker will go unfulfilled.
5. Online poker can interfere with the important things in life.
“By gaming we lose both our time and treasure – two things most precious to the life of man.” ~ Owen Felltham
The other day I was talking to a co-worker who plays online poker. He mentioned that many of his friends no longer play online. “Why?” I asked. “I guess they just have better things to do” he replied.
“Exactly” I thought.
Given that poker can be fun and exciting I’m ok with it playing it on the odd occasion. But it’s not an activity that nourishes (in fact, after a couple hours playing online I would often feel a certain emptiness). It doesn’t provide any lasting value (unless you win some serious coin, of course, but see my previous point about false hope). Instead I could be devoting my time to a legacy project – that is, creating something that will outlast me. Doing something amazing. Something EPIC (as Daniel says in his e-book).
* * *
Epilogue: it’s now approximately 4 months since I uninstalled the poker software on my computer. Having not played for 3 months, a month ago I decided to re-install the software and play some poker. I was bored, and I guess I figured I was over my addiction. I played for a few hours over two nights, but I suffered some bad beats and just didn’t have the patience required to do well. I uninstalled the software again and decided to get on with my life.
These are my thoughts of online poker/ gambling. What are yours? I would be interested to hear your experiences and stories.
Further reading:
- Breaking the Gambling Addiction by Daniel Richard. Recommended for anyone who is addicted to gambling, or who has a friend or loved one who is.
You might also like:
Peter recommends:
Learn how I found happiness and meaning and how you can too. Get your FREE copy of my e-book by signing up.
27 Comments
January 11th, 2010 at 5:19 am
Congratulations on being able to get over that! I think that this entire website is amazing on all the things you’ve been able to change in your life, and I only hope I can begin to do some of these things. You’re pretty much my hero
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January 11th, 2010 at 5:57 am
Thanks for these insights. Nice (well, nice isn’t the right word) to see you were actually a little bit ‘addicted’. This makes this post way more reliable. I’ve never played for real money online, but I have considered a ‘carreer’ in pokering online. Basicly because I see friends playing it and making a fair amount of money. We are all online, but I think I have more after 4 years, I’ll have a beautifull blogging experience, maybe even an online carreer, they have nothing but a poker addiction.
Thanks Peter, glad you have your nights back.
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January 11th, 2010 at 7:16 am
At one point in the post I called it a “mild” addiction, but I didn’t really explain this (so I will now!). About 10 years ago I had what I would consider to be a major addiction to video games (eg Red Alert, Starcraft, Dark Reign etc)…. I was playing them at every possible moment and it was very difficult to stop playing (I don’t play video games anymore).
Playing poker was different to this…. I wasn’t playing at every possible moment, which leads me to say I was only mildly addicted to it. Nonetheless, it was an addiction…
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January 11th, 2010 at 6:21 am
I’ve tried to play poker and to gamble on horses and dogs, and found the whole experience to be completely dull and tedious. Of all the addictions I’ve succumbed to in my life, gambling hasn’t been one of them. I’m not a very strong-willed person by nature, so I’m not sure why this is, but I’m thankful for it!
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January 11th, 2010 at 7:08 am
Hi Peter – I can imagine how much time you’ve saved and that is life!
Thank goodness for your family that you’ve moved away and are back with them and wish us here at the Blog ..
Happy Life – Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
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January 11th, 2010 at 7:16 am
Nice insights. I’ve played online poker as well for a considerable time. Like you, I was fortunate enough to not lose money on the activity, just a lot of hours and goodwill with my family. And given the fact that I was netting less than a dollar an hour, that wasn’t even close to worth it!
Deinstalling the software is the best thing to do. Cancel your account even, because they won’t stop bothering you with email and even regular mail trying to lure you back in again.
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January 13th, 2010 at 7:06 am
Yes, deinstalling the software was the key for me. I reached a point where I just couldn’t use the computer for anything without having poker open. But once it was deinstalled I wasn’t too tempted to play. Canceling your account is a good tip, I didn’t have to go that far but I’m sure others will benefit from that tip.
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January 11th, 2010 at 8:36 am
I really enjoyed reading this post. Great story mixed in with your insight.
I can totally relate as I have a tendency for addictive activities. They usually entail the spending of money on a consistent basis and escape is most certainly the appeal.
I’ve been thinking a lot about addiction lately as I see more and more people who have some form of addiction that isn’t as obvious as Alcohol or drugs. But the fact is, all addictions are chemical based as it’s usually our addiction to adrenaline or endorphins or some form of ‘feel good’ chemical that is naturally emitted by our bodies. The act of the addiction is just a way for us to trigger our bodies to release the drug.
When you won in Vegas you received a hefty dose of adrenaline. When you returned home you were sub-consciously searching for the right trigger to release that same amount, if not more, by playing online. The longer you went without this ‘fix’ the more frustrated you became and therefore impatient with the world around you.
Maybe I’m off in my assessment with your particular situation, but I’m just using it as an example. At least I know that’s how I’ve reacted to past addictions. Just like you mentioned, I found myself becoming less patient with the ones I love and just plain neglecting the things that really mattered. And all for what?
That’s the problem with certain activities when matched up with a personality like my own. If it’s too exciting I tend to latch on to that moment and seek more experiences like them in the future. This would be fine if the same level of excitement was enough each time, but with addiction we require a higher and higher ‘dose’ each time. Eventually we’re so immune to super high ‘doses’ that we no longer enjoy the pursuit, but require it to even feel normal. Then it’s all down hill from there.
I know that all sounds a bit too ‘drug addict-esque’, but addiction is addiction is addiction…
Anyway, sorry for the rambling. You just hit a cord, that’s all. Great post!
Eric
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January 13th, 2010 at 7:16 am
Hi Eric,
I think your assessment is ‘spot on’ as Australians like to say. Particularly the part about how, after returning from Vegas, I was subconsciously searching for the right trigger to release the same amount of adrenaline. I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about this whole gambling/ online poker thing, so I appreciate the way you’ve come to help me better understand it.
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January 11th, 2010 at 8:39 am
Oh, and I love the “Poker School” Google add that’s displaying right now at the bottom of the post.
Eric
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January 13th, 2010 at 7:09 am
LOL! Of course that would happen…. I cut back the Google ads with the redesign, but perhaps it is time to say goodbye to them altogether…..
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January 11th, 2010 at 8:46 am
I really enjoyed this article, Peter. Congrats on being able to kick the habit!
I’ve never had the desire to gamble … it always seems like a bad investment of my money. Still, I agree with Eric that addictions are common. There’s lots of socially accepted addictions … I’m thinking of my own relationship to chocolate and coffee!
I guess the real key is not to give power to a substance or activity, but to remain empowered in making conscious choices aligned with the life we want to create.
Thank goodness my morning coffee doesn’t interfere with the life I want to create!
Blessings,
Andrea
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January 11th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Congratulations on kicking the addiction! I know what it’s like. About 4 years ago I was heavily addicted to online poker. I didn’t lose a whole lot of money (maybe $70-$100 tops) but TIME was the main loss.
Lately I’ve been playing a fair amount again. It’s very tempting to be an ADD action junkie with online poker. I think the challenge of:
1) Maintaining your mood during play
2) Eliminating distractions (web browsing, music, stuff on your desk etc.)
3) Keeping notes on your own play and the play of others during and after games
can really make it an exercise in self-discipline. You really have to be focused SOLELY on the game if you want to win consistently. So I see online poker now as a tool for building my ability to focus and eliminate distractions. It’s definitely not easy!
I agree though. If you find you can’t control yourself with it, uninstall the software and consciously pick other activities to engage in instead (time with family, reading, exercise, etc.). It’s not easy to admit your own weaknesses sometimes.
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January 13th, 2010 at 7:03 am
I agree – in my experience self-discipline is essential to doing well at poker. Check out the article I’m going to publish tomorrow called “How Poker Can Transform Your Life” by a guy who played professionally online. He credits the game with helping him to develop discipline, amongst other things.
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January 11th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Poker is a very dangerous habit. I had to lose a lot of money ( 6 figures $ ) and precious time before I decided that this is something that hurts me.
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January 11th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Just wanted to clarify: poker is not gambling. I’ll explain…
Poker is a game of skill. Craps, roulette, blackjack, and slots, on the other hand, are gambling. The house always has an edge in those games and there is no skill involved.
In poker, you play against other players, not the house. None of the players have an automatic edge over the others; skill is your edge. The better you are, the more you win; the worse you are, the more you lose.
The part that confuses most people is the idea of “luck” and getting good cards or bad cards. What you have to realize is that the cards don’t matter, not until the showdown at least. Most people fold before then, so winning is a result of HOW you play, not WHAT you hold. That means that you can be good or bad, get better or worse, at poker… because it’s a game of skill.
Hope this helps!
Also, good to hear you overcame an addiction! That’s always good to hear from anyone.
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January 13th, 2010 at 6:58 am
Hmmm…. good points Jason, but I still personally consider poker to be gambling. I guess we’ll just have to disagree on that.
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January 11th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Wow Peter!
I don’t know which is the better story: (1) Your willingness to share something so personal or (2) Your ability to overcome your addiction. You know what? Both stories are amazing – and so are you!
Thanks for being vulnerable. Sometimes its good to hear I’m not the only one with demons.
Take good care,
Alex
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January 11th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
It was really interesting to read about your experiences Peter. Both from a personal development standpoint and from an understanding of poker/addiction standpoint. I think we all develop addictions of one type or another over time… though I thought your “happy wife, happy life” quote was super cute!
Thank you for sharing so honestly, I think a lot of people can benefit from this type of open discussion about gambling.
Appreciatively,
Nathalie
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January 11th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Hi Peter.
I like how you described the details of the issue and how you have gotten over it. The gambling quotes you have in each section fit well with the concept you are point out there.
The part where you label how it affected you and your home life is a useful area to check if you get the urge to return to the habit, as you have clearly shown why it’s not worth coming back to.
On a separate note, in response to your comment up there, I was also huge on Starcraft. I probably did 2000 3on3 BGH matches, mostly with a few of my friends, and that might be a low estimate(UMS and other maps also). Just thought I’d point that out.
Real-deal material like this is where it’s at.
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January 13th, 2010 at 6:56 am
The game I mostly played was called Dark Reign. It was lesser known, but it was a RTS game similar to Starcraft that could be played online (these were the days when ppl were on beginning to play games online). Very fun game, but oh boy was I addicted to it….. Starcraft I also played a fair bit, but it didn’t have quite the same grip on me. As I mentioned above, I haven’t played video games for a few years now, although I expect we’ll buy a Wii in a year or two when the boys are older – that looks like good fun.
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January 13th, 2010 at 1:21 am
I applaud you for getting rid of that addiction.
I was exactly like how as you described yourself. You acted upon tasks that provided you with no lasting benefits or importance in life. I have been doing that for a few years, I don’t do it through gambling, but I have been doing it through online gaming and videos. I never realized that those were my addictions until I started to feeling extremely empty and miserable that I haven’t accomplished much in my life.
The lesson I got from that experience is that the longer you immerse within your “addictions” the harder it is for you to get out of it. Your brain is so wired and adapted all these years to constantly look forward to those things that waste your time, that you wont even realize that you are wasting time after you feel all crappy at the end of the day.
This year 2010 is the end of all that, I’ve decided to end this wasting time routine, and I will make more productive rsults from it.
I’m so glad that you’ve gotten out of your addiction, I’m sure what you’ve accomplished posed as a great inspiration to all people who are like me.
Steven
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January 13th, 2010 at 6:51 am
Glad you enjoyed reading my article Steven =)
Good luck getting rid of your addictions this year.
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February 19th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Most online poker sites they are finding are cheating…FULL TILT HAS used bots at tables and payed players to raise the stakes higher and higher to get people into pots…Online poker from what i have seen are way to many bad beats over and over again…I play mostly at casino’s and make a decent living online i have been playing four months and haven’t cashed out once…stay away from online poker its a scam to get your money…
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March 2nd, 2010 at 5:39 pm
I want to respond to “Jason” and his Jan 11 post. Poker is most definitely gambling,even if you are a winning player. If you have an 80% chance to win a hand before the river,the 20% that may hit on a suckout is stil something that must be dodged. Hence it is gambling. Skill and gambling are not mutually exclusive….One of the foremost experts on Texas Holdem,David Sklansky,calls poker a gamble. The only question is whether you have a positive expectation or a negative expectation over the long term. Still,the nasty variance can bite.
Time is a huge casualty of online poker. I congratulate you on breaking the poker habit.
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July 25th, 2010 at 5:41 pm
i have lost close to 15k and im 18, i deinstall software only to reinstall, constant debt and overdrafts, ruining my life, how do i stop
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August 5th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Robert,
I’d suggest you get some professional help here. If you have an addictive personality it can be very hard to quit by yourself. You could also do with getting some advice on money management.
Visiting http://www.understandingmoney.gov.au might help.
I also think that at 18, you’re possibly too young to handle the inevitable swings you get in online poker. I’m 30 and I’m happy to report that I’m a winning player, but I know at 18 I’d have been far more emotionally attached to my wins and losses and therefore more susceptible to “tilt”.
Good luck. I really hope you can sort this out.
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