The most recent stories from The Change Blog community.
Attachment theory was something I learned about as an undergrad in psychology; a concept that was studied, memorized for the test and discarded from memory shortly afterwards. I never thought the term would have any real relevance in my own life.
My “aha moment” occurred during a wellness retreat in Northern New Mexico when I realized that my relationship with my mother has been a powerful influence on my interactions with men. My mother!? Really? And all this time I thought my “daddy issues” were the source of all problems in my romantic relationships!
Just 15 years ago, if you had asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you that I would be a professional musician. This news would shock just about anyone that I know, today–but fifteen years ago, there was nothing in my life that indicated anything otherwise.
My entire life was music. I had gone to a performing arts high school where regular math, science and English classes were supplemented with courses in your major, and I was a music major. I played five instruments and participated in 5 different groups. Each year, I prepared solos or ensembles to take to district and state competitions.
Imagine if you were offered a trip back in time so you can undo your biggest regret. If you could live your life all over again, what’s the one thing you would do differently? When I ask myself that question, the words shoot out of my mouth without even thinking: my educational and career choices.
It turns out I’m not alone. In the book If Only, author Neale J. Roese, Ph.D., cites a series of studies conducted by independent researchers who were interested in finding out what adults consider their biggest regrets. During the period of 1989–-2003, adults of all ages were asked the questions: If you could go back and live your life all over again, what would you do differently? What parts of your life would you change? With eleven studies in all, the researchers discovered that the following four regrets appear consistently at the top of the list, in this order, in study after study.
Interested in having more likeminded people in your life? Who wouldn’t, right? Finding these people can be extremely easy, if you go about it smartly. You are a unique person with unique interests. But you might not have people in your life to share these interests with. Where are these people hiding? If the internet has proved anything, it’s that you’re not alone. These days, you can find thousands of people around the world with interests similar to yours.
Interacting with these people online is great, but it doesn’t compare to actually meeting with them in the real world. Unfortunately, it isn’t as easy to find these people in the flesh. But there’s one convenient technique that allows these people to find you, instead of you having to search for them.
Any successful person you meet will have a story of failure to tell you, and actually probably more than one. What separates the truly successful from those who skate by in life is not just what they learn from those failures well after they happen, but also how they handle those failures as they happen. These are delicate situations that can literally make or break a person’s life for a long time to come.
I’m about to tell you a story of how I faced a very difficult situation of failure which I could do very little about, and how I was able to turn that failure into an eventual long-term success.
Consider these scenarios and the similarities in them: You keep eating healthy food during the week but when the weekend comes, you diet mainly consists of junk food; You wake up early during the weekdays, but on weekends you tend to wake up late, thus losing your productivity; You have implemented a healthy habit of drinking water while you work, but you “forget” this habit when it’s the weekend.
If this is you, then welcome to the club! I have experienced these same things myself. In fact, I felt I wasn’t honest to myself. I was living with the productive and healthy habits only 80% at a time. I knew I had to change. Otherwise the remainder 20% of the time would ruin my good habits and the benefits I got from them.