Being Me

Being Me

I advocate that we be true to ourselves, and be who we really are inside. My personal theme for 2012 is: be me. But, how do I “be me”? In fact, how do I even know who I am inside and who is “me”? I have always had a particular image of myself – I was impatient, generous, versatile, adaptive, kind, friendly, strong… I also created an image for others to see, whether it was in the social or professional world – easy going, efficient, trustworthy, a manager, a leader, a friend… I thrived on these qualities I attributed to myself. Yet I wonder if this is really me or rather, who I want to be? Perhaps when something is not true to its core, it will not be sustainable in the long run. Fatalistically, towards the end of 2009, these images crumbled to millions of tiny pieces. As I lugged myself through major depression, ailing health and a few suicide attempts, I could not cope with the fact that perhaps I was not as strong as or easy going as I thought myself to be. The reality that I could not cope with the stress working as an international executive prancing around the world was more than I could bear. I hid away from the world. I felt I had let everyone down. The image I had so carefully constructed for others and maintained in the last 10 years disintegrated into thin air. Maybe it wasn’t a fake me, but it was definitely only part of me – the part of me that I wanted the outside world to see....