The Two Most Important Words For Changing Your Life
Photo by .tess
By Ali Hale
If you had to pick just two words, two little words, that would empower you to change your life, what would they be?
Mine would be “I can”.
You’ve probably heard various personal development experts, life coaches, or self-appointed gurus tell you not to say “I can’t”. But why exactly are those two little words “I can” so important? What do they add up to and how do they work?
I Am Responsible For My Life
The first word is “I”. For me, this emphasizes who has to do the changing.
However much we might like to blame someone else for the bits of our life we don’t like, the truth is that we’ve got full responsibility for our life conditions. Unless you’re in an very extreme situation (like being held prisoner), there’s no reason why you can’t wake up one morning and decide to completely overhaul your life. You can:
- Quit your job
- Start that small business you’ve always dreamt about
- Learn to play a musical instrument
- Take the first step in healing a broken relationship
- Start eating more healthily
- Be more active
Don’t ever put your hopes for change on someone else. This sort of thinking looks like: “It’s up to my partner to get a good job, then I’ll be better off financially” or “If only my mother would cook healthier food, I wouldn’t be overweight.”
No-one else can change you. If you’re heavily in debt, overspending, addicted to shopping … and you win the lottery, will you really turn your life around? Or will you rapidly end up back where you started? (You might want to read 8 lottery winners who lost their millions for some food for thought here.)
However difficult your circumstances (poor health, family problems, money troubles), you can start the process of change by looking at your response to events. Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, emphasises that it isn’t a negative event itself that’s a problem – it’s your response to it. He explains that “Our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult circumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so as well.”
I Have the Ability to Act
It’s not enough to just think “I” when you want to make a change in your life, though. Simply accepting that you’re responsible for your life doesn’t necessarily empower you to change – in fact, it can be a bit depressing when you accept that the bits of your life you don’t like are your responsibility rather than someone else’s fault!
So the second word that I consider crucial for change is the word can. With the tools of motivation, self-discipline and guidance from those more expert than us, it’s possible for us to accomplish anything we really set our minds to and set our hearts on.
How often have you said “I can’t” or words to that effect? Have you ever attempted a goal that you were saying “I can’t” about? I certainly haven’t. Here are a few popular “I can’t” statements:
- I can’t sing (write/paint/act…)
- I’m trapped in this job (relationship/town/situation)
- I don’t have any choices
- It would be impossible to quit
- I’ll never succeed
- I can’t lose weight
- I always fail
Think about one of your “I can’t” statements. What do you often tell yourself, or others, that you’re incapable of doing? I know that I often say that “I can’t sing”.
Is your statement really true? Is it actually impossible for you to do that – or is it just that you don’t want to face up to the fact that effort, discomfort and perhaps emotional pain might be involved? Is my “I can’t sing” true? No. Singing is certainly not something I’m naturally gifted at, but I can sing – and I know that if I took singing lessons, I could learn to improve my singing.
You always have the choice of saying “can do” about your dreams, instead of “can’t do”.
Using “I can” Today
I’m sure there’s something in your life that you’d like to change, but that you feel you’ve not yet made progress on. Perhaps it’s something that other people have had an influence over – such as your sense of self-worth, or your material circumstances. Perhaps it’s something which you’ve been secretly convinced you can’t change.
Keep that part of your life in your mind for a moment. Recognize that, whatever the influences from other people and circumstances, you do have 100% responsibility for your actions and thoughts. You do have the power to choose your response.
And now realise that you can change this, whatever it is. Even if you’ve tried and failed in the past, even if you’re afraid it will take a lot of hard work, even if you don’t know all the steps to fully changing that aspect of yourself or your life just yet. You can change.
If you’re willing to share your thoughts and your own experience of how “I can” empowers change, please take a moment to add a comment to this post.
About the author: Ali writes about personal growth and development on her blog, Aliventures. As well as blogging, she writes fiction, and is studying for an MA in Creative Writing.
You might also like:
- Why You’re Staying Where You Are – And How to Move On
- 5 Fundamentals for Success in Life
- 3 Ways to Take More Personal Responsibility
- 10 Simple Ways to Grow a Relationship
- The Limits of Our Freedom
Learn how I found happiness and meaning and how you can too. Get your FREE copy of my e-book by signing up.
22 Comments
September 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Amazing post!! I really, really loved this one and completely agree that “I” and “can” are the two most important words for changing your life.
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September 8th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Agreed, great post! I would also add “I am” for positive affirmations. What I love about the post is it keeps things simple. We often complicate change far more than we need to.
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September 9th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Thanks both! I’m not always too good at simple, so thought it’d be worth giving it a try for once.
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September 10th, 2009 at 4:46 am
Hi Ali .. absolutely .. just been having a blip week .. & kept on saying to myself .. it’s you my girl – just sort yourself out and get back on the bandwagon .. you can do it ..
So = I CAN ..
We only have one life .. and we can’t wait around for others or things to sort themselves out …
Thanks and I’m here .. so I have pulled myself together and eventually got going again .. great post and information – thanks
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inpsirational Stories
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September 10th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Thanks Hilary! I’ve been having that sort of week a bit too, but yes, it’s just a case of picking yourself up and carrying on..!
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September 10th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Hi Ali,
My two words would be “I will” because after believing you can you must next do what is to go after what you want. We must be willing to do what we want to get to where we want to go.
Thanks for sharing this.
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September 11th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Thanks Flora, great words. I agree that “I will” is a powerful phrase (so much better than “I should”!)
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September 11th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Great inspiration!! I needed it today. Just right in time. Thanks.
My favorite word is “sure, no problem” spoken by my husband often.
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September 13th, 2009 at 9:46 am
I love people who say “sure, no problem”!
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September 12th, 2009 at 3:09 am
Don’t forget the two most powerful words in the English language
I WILL
I WILL
I WILL
I WILL
I WILL
I WILL
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September 12th, 2009 at 5:45 am
Nice Post Ali, during my coaching sessions with people i try to give them back this sense of control so that they stop believing that they are victims and this helps them recover
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September 13th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Nicely written Ali!
Adding 2 cents from my most recent experience… I just told a few of my friends that I CAN make $10 consistently with a <$100 account in currencies trading. So, what took them 3 years and 2 years (respectively) to learn, I needed less than 5 days to be able to confidently achieve that result.
The “I CAN” words will help change your life.
Oh, one more point is that I’ve learned from Tony Robbins on another 2 words… sometimes others may still think that they can’t. So… if they can’t…. then “I MUST!”
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September 15th, 2009 at 4:20 am
Thanks for sharing that, Daniel, it’s great to hear a concrete example!
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September 15th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Didn’t the “Little Red Engine” say, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can” as it ran up the hill? Pretty soon he was saying, “I know I can, I know I can”.
Powerful words in a powerful post Ali. It’s about attitude, belief and our self talk. It’s makes all the difference in our world – what we change and what we don’t change.
Great stuff Ali!
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September 16th, 2009 at 12:14 am
Thanks Miki! You’re right — nothing gets changed unless we change it; there’s no point sitting by saying “I can’t do it” and moaning about how we wish things were different…
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September 17th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Mine would probably be “help others”. Everything else just seems to fall into place if I keep this at the fore.
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September 21st, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Around the office we use six words to set the tone:
Take Action
Take Action
Take Action
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September 29th, 2009 at 6:40 am
“No-one else can change you.” I believe it! I’m optimistic by nature but have recently started actively telling myself “I Can” when dealing with life’s hurdles. Whether with cutting down my 10K times or studying for the bar it works!
“As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.”- Proverbs 23:7
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October 1st, 2009 at 11:40 am
… and the little train said… “I think I can. I think I can. And he did.”
Great post, Ali.
Thanks.
Joanne Maly
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October 9th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
very nice topic
if i may add
ill add descpline
do now what is needed from you whatever you like it or not
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October 10th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Great article! Even appreciate the comments. Thinking I will send a link to the members of my Wonder Woman Challenge. This would be very helpful to them. Thanks!
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