10 Simple Ways to Grow a Relationship

10 Simple Ways to Grow a Relationship

Anyone who has been in a relationship longer than 12 months understands how easy it is to fall into a rut. Today I challenge you to take responsibility for the state of your partnership and use your power to create excitement, joy and happiness that will last forever.

The following are 10 simple and powerful ways to grow  a relationship:

1. Give up the need to be right. My husband leaves his shoes everywhere, under the coffee table, under the kitchen table, in the entryway etc.  I spent the first years of our marriage trying to get him to pick up them up. It didn’t work. In an enlightened moment I decided to pick up his shoes without complaining and resentment. Soon I found myself happily taking care of his shoes and grateful for the opportunity!

2. Take an interest in what interests them. My husband loves to golf and watch all sports on television. I had no interest in sports. Eventually I realized how much he did for me and with me. One day I decided to take golfing lessons and watch sports with him

3. Make love with your thoughts words and actions. Making love is not only about sex. When you have loving think lovingly, speak lovingly to him and of him your love life will improve as well. Our brain is our biggest sex organ. Learn to think love and speak love and you’ll find yourself more in love.

4. Learn to be playful and plan fun. Learn to lighten up. Choose to have a light hearted and playful attitude. Plan something you both enjoy. Go away for a weekend once a season. Life is difficult. Learn to enjoy it anyway!

5. Practice gratitude. Don’t take your partner for granted. Keep a journal of the loving deeds your partner does. Practice gratitude together while riding in the car or taking a walk. One person states what they are grateful for and the other follows. Continue taking turns until you’ve exhausted every possibility. Your relationship will thrive.

6. Catch your partner doing good. Praise each other. Say thank you at least once a day! Focus on what’s right and good and your love for each other will expand.

7. Get help. Don’t ever give up without first seeking help. That’s the easy way out. My husband and I sought counseling when all else failed. Be willing own your own character defects. You will project all unfinished business onto your spouse. We are in each others lives to heal the broken places. Unhealed stuff follows you until you resolve it.

8. Go the extra mile. Relationships are never 50-50. Christopher and Dana Reeve were a great example of this. Dana gave up her singing career after Chris’s accident. She chose to give him everything. I believe their relationship is an example of unconditional love.

9. Give each other space. When our daughters were in high school my mom helped my husband while I did an internship in Mexico for three months. He has always allowed me space to follow my dreams and have my own friends. He has always had female friends and colleagues in his life. When you trust each other you create a bond like no other.

10. Cherish each other. Never let anything or any person get in between the two of you. Support each other. Laugh together and grow together. I know this works. I was pregnant and married at 17. We have been married for 37 plus years, have four grown daughters, and three grandchildren. And it just keeps getting better!

Photo byHamed Masoumi

Tess Marshall

Tess Marshall M.A. is a fear-shattering, risk taker, author, and courage coach with a master’s degree in counseling psychology. You’ll find her books and new e-Course, “30 Days of Bold”, at her blog The Bold Life.

Latest posts by Tess Marshall (see all)

15 Comments

  1. Going the extra mile for the person who your dating can increase the pleasure of being with the person. Putting forth the extra effort can only strengthen the relationship and show how much you care about this person.

    Reply
  2. Thanks for the tips. I can use these to better my relationships.

    Reply
  3. Tess, this is a great post. All of these are such great ways to grow a relationship. Thanks for sharing them here!

    Reply
  4. Definitely great advice for all relationships, and they all are surprisingly effective. It’s amazing how putting in just a little bit of effort can make a world of difference.

    Reply
  5. Great pointers. I like the making love with words and actions.

    I’ve found with expanding awareness, and release, a lot of what you have pointed to comes about naturally.

    Thanks!

    Reply
  6. Excellent tips,
    .
    How about spending quality time with your partner. When you are hanging out with them – get rid of distractions…Turn off your TV, phone computer ect.

    Focus more on the good moments and experiences. You can bring up challenging situations but don’t dwell on them…See the glass as half full.

    Reply
  7. Thanks for the tips.

    Reply
  8. Jonathan,
    It’s so important to be prepared for our ego to scream “It’s not fair” any chance it gets. Of course it prevents us from that extra mile and the joy it gives to both the giver and receiver.

    Omar,
    Your welcome and of course the secret is in the “using” or taking action!

    Dani,
    It’s easier to grow a relationship than pay the consequences of taking it for granted. Yet it’s so tempting to sit back, relax and forget we need to be active participants.

    Paul,
    Making a world of difference would definetly shrink the divorce rate!

    Kaushik,
    Absolutely, expanding awareness and release work wonders. Another article could be written on both.

    Jai Kai,
    Yes no electronics creates a space for love. Imagine giving a loved one time and attention by shutting those off for a weekend! It would be like a vacation.

    Ananth,
    Thank you for stopping by and picking them up.

    Reply
  9. Great tips Tess!

    One of the greatest way I’ve found to make a relationship better, is conversation. I mean a real open conversation, where both you and your partner bring all their deepest feeling to light and discusses about them.

    It can be hard sometimes, but it gets rewarded with the deep feeling of love between each other.

    Reply
  10. Thank you Tess for these wonderful little reminders that we can all apply to improve the quality of our relationships with our loved ones. There is nothing more important in life than to experience Unconditional Love and I believe it deserves work on both partner’s ends to maintain the health & balance of that relationship. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
  11. so true

    Reply
  12. Hi Tess! I just discovered you about 15 minutes ago and you’ve made my day! I loved what I read because ALL are so true! Its funny because this morning I was telling my boyfriend that I’ve been doing things that he likes to do and that he should also do things that I like…which happens to be on your list. I forwarded this to my boyfriend, ofcourse! Thank you!

    Reply
  13. This is a great reminder of things that people in long term relationships often lose sight of. Thanks.

    Reply
  14. I don’t completely agree. Especially on #8 Go the extra mile. Doesn’t this lead to a super attached and super dependant relationship? Been there, done that, you know. I’m interested on your opinions on this.

    PS: Excuse the overload of superlatives, lol.

    Reply
  15. Hey Tess,

    I liked when you said you are good with your husband having female friends and colleagues and how trust makes for a great relationship. I have a problem due to my insecurities and a lot of memories from my past that make me scared for my fiancé to actually hang out alone with his female friends. And the part that frustrates me is that I really know he would never cheat on me. I’m just jealous of him having a personal connection with a girl. This is something I want to remove from my thoughts and I kno would improve our already much amazing relationship.

    Any advice?

    Thank you

    Reply

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