How To Be A Better Person
I was at my local library recently, just browsing the shelves, when an interesting book title caught my eye: “Being, Nothingness, and Fly Fishing”
The book is subtitled, “How One Man Gave Up Everything To Fish The Fabled Waters Of The West”
Intrigued, I picked up the book and read the inside flap of the dust jacket. It mentions that in book’s introduction, the author, while writing about a particular river, wrote: “The North Umpqua makes me want to be a better fly fisherman.”
I needed some context for such a bold statement, so I flipped to the introduction and found the actual quote. The full paragraph reads:
“Never do I fish as attentively as when I’m on the North Umpqua. I feel I owe the river the very best I have to offer, after all, the river has given its very best to me. The North Umpqua makes me want to be a better fly fisherman.”
Have you ever felt this way about anything? Do you have any things in your life that make you want to be a better person?
- Does the special person in your life make you want to be a better partner?
- Does your job make you want to be a better employee or your company make you want to be a better entrepreneur?
- What about your car? Does it make you want to be a better driver?
Is there anything in your life that would make you say: “I owe this the very best that I have to offer!”
In my role as a life coach for personal development, I frequently meet people who think they are “stuck”. Often, the truth of the matter isn’t that they’re stuck, it’s that they just haven’t found something that demands the very best they have to offer - something that makes them want to be a better person.
Well, what if the answer isn’t something outside of yourself? What if it’s not a person or a thing?
What about your life itself?
Please humor me for a minute… just for fun - imagine that you woke up tomorrow with the feeling that you owe your life the very best you have to offer!
What would that day look like to you?
What would it sound like?
Imagine living like that for just one day! How would that feel?
How To Be A Better Person - An Experiment
Now I’d like to propose something. I’d like to propose that you make up your mind, right here and now, to actually do this tomorrow - just as an experiment. You don’t have to tell anyone what you’re up to, you don’t have to recruit others to do it with you and you don’t need to make a big deal out of it. Just wake up with the attitude that no matter what happens throughout the day, you are going to give your life the very best you have to offer! You are going to live your life in a way that makes you want to be a better person.
Be forewarned, this new approach could change everything!
(Seriously, once you try this please come back and tell us about your amazing day by posting in the comments section.)
Patrick Mathieu is a motivational speaker, author and coach. His website is The Power of Mortality. Image courtesy of Jam Adams
Learn how I found happiness and meaning and how you can too. Get your FREE copy of my e-book by signing up.
44 Comments
September 8th, 2008 at 6:43 am
OK
I’ll do it!
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September 8th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Great Pam! Can’t wait to hear about your results!
-Patrick
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September 8th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Already did it. I left a 16 year toxic relationship and went and lived on my own for a year. The day I moved into my apartment I vowed that I would live my life the way that makes ME the best person possible. Not my kids, not a partner, not my boss. ME. It was a struggle to adopt this new approach, but an interesting thing happened when I did. I met someone who had made the same decision for himself. And now individually and as a couple we are better people for knowing and loving each other.
Urban Panthers last blog post..To poo or not to poo, that is the question.
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September 8th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Beautiful!
That must have been difficult transition at first. I’m curious, what kept you going during those first few days and weeks after you left the relationship?
-Patrick
Patrick Mathieus last blog post..Well, when you put it that way…
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September 8th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I’ve already decided to be a better person some time ago. I’m constantly challenging myself. I have to admit that sometimes, it feels like I’m working out of my comfort zone. But hey…I’m treating all this as kindof fun and exciting!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..An Enchanting Vision From My Angels
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September 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Evelyn:
Isn’t it great to be constantly breaking new ground and discovering new territory!
Good for you!
-Patrick
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September 8th, 2008 at 10:03 am
I’m doing this already. I started my blog mainly to write my way to betterness (and tell funny stories) and I’m making great progress. It’s getting easier to live in the moment and centre myself so that I don’t let my perfectionism get the best of me. I’m choosing to see the positive, even in my own idiocy.
My kids make me want to be my best, my spouse, my friends and God.
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September 9th, 2008 at 5:16 am
Natasha:
Kids, spouse, friends and God - what a fantastic support system!
Thanks for sharing!
-Patrick
Patrick Mathieus last blog post..Well, when you put it that way…
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September 8th, 2008 at 10:16 am
I try to do this every day. When I open my eyes in the morning, I take a few minutes to feel gratitude for all the little things that make up my life and the lives of those around me. I thank God for waking up, not to mention for my family and the roof over my head. I get sidetracked sometimes as the day wears on, but when I do, I stop myself and try to find a quiet spot where I can remind myself that I AM a better person than a was the day before.
Jennae @ Green Your Decors last blog post..Sunday Link Love: Green is More Than a Color Edition
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September 8th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I’m trying to be a better person every day. I have learned to stop trying to be a PERFECT person - that was impossible and too stressful. But I see every day as a new chance at being the best that I possibly can.
Vered - MomGrinds last blog post..You Read Women’s Magazines? I’ll Give You Ten Reasons To Stop
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September 9th, 2008 at 5:19 am
Vered:
You and Natasha have hit on a very important point… perfection is a real trap that can quickly derail you.
I try to remind myself to focus on “MY best” rather than “THE best”. Life is much more satisfying that way.
-Patrick
Patrick Mathieus last blog post..Well, when you put it that way…
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September 8th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Jennae:
I’ll bet that those around you really notice the difference!
-Patrick
Patrick Mathieus last blog post..Well, when you put it that way…
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September 8th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Thanks for the great article. Lately, I’ve been asking myself “what is worthy of my attention?” This question seems to boil down what is most important in my life. I usually answer: meditation is worthy of my attention. Giving my full attention to silence and that Ground of Being I find in meditation, brings me closer to the heart or essence of myself. When I quiet the mind, I am able to clearly see myself and the world around me. This simple practice makes me a better person. I’m not as affected by compulsive mind chatter or the storm of emotion and I begin to have a better understanding and compassion for all that is. If I have issues, simply observing them seems to dissolve them, and all that remains is a clear, surrendered awareness. As I evolve, so does the rest of humanity. Changing ourselves for the better is the highest good we can do for humanity and the collective whole. After all, we’re all in this together.
Ken LaDeroute
http://www.AffirmationPower.com
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September 9th, 2008 at 5:27 am
Ken:
Yes, the “compulsive mind chatter” (which so many of us like to call ‘thinking’ or ‘reasoning’) very often does more harm than good when it comes to getting to really know yourself and letting yourself evolve.
And I love what you’ve said about changing ourselves for the collective whole of humanity! Imagine if everyone just worried about their own day and stayed out of other people’s days! Wouldn’t that be an exciting world? I recently wrote called a post called “Whose Business Is That?” which was about that very topic: http://www.powerofmortality.co.....ss-is-that
-Patrick
Patrick Mathieus last blog post..Well, when you put it that way…
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September 8th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I definitely have to give this a shot. I find myself in a job I barely tolerate and a girlfriend I sort of just tolerate. I think it’s time to do something about this unsatisfactory life.
Thanks for posting some encouraging words.
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September 9th, 2008 at 5:34 am
BPO:
Good for you for deciding to take charge of your life! Once you start to give your life the best you have to offer you may find that you want a new job and a new girlfriend - OR - you may find that your current job and current girlfriend now seem completely different to you and are exciting, fulfilling and vibrant parts of your “new” life!
Over the years I’ve learned that very often life gives us back more of what we put in. If you aren’t putting your best into your career and relationships, then you may not be getting the best out of them. But once you consistently start to put in 100% of yourself … look out!!
Let us know how it goes!
-Patrick
Patrick Mathieus last blog post..Well, when you put it that way…
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September 8th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Patrick,
I have just stumbled upon your website today and have been feverishly catching up on all the great insight you have supplied. So much of it speaks to me and what I intend to do for myself. Thank you for this posting and all the others. I look foreword to putting it into practice.
–Zach
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September 9th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Zach:
Thanks for your kind words. Feedback like that is exactly why I keep doing what I do!
-Patrick
Patrick Mathieus last blog post..Well, when you put it that way…
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September 9th, 2008 at 7:48 am
@Patrick - oh very good question! My children. They are all in their early 20s, and were THRILLED to have me leave the relationship. For the first 3 or 4 months, we completely reversed roles. They almost became the parent, and it was hard for me at first, but in the end I let them. They each helped in their own way. My eldest daughter is the one with all the business smarts and she helped me with things like plugged kitchen sinks. She would also listen to me cry for a bit, and then she would always say something to get me howling with laughter. My middle daughter trash talked my ex. She and I both know that it takes 2 in a relationship, and I wouldn’t trash talk him, so she did it for me. My son came over at least 3 times a week, just to hang and keep me distracted. I had other support systems, but my children deserve most of the credit in this department.
Urban Panthers last blog post..Full blown change meltdown
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October 6th, 2008 at 6:27 am
hi
i just did it yesterday
woooooooooooooow
it feels just so great
you work and do your best throughout the day
nice article
helped me alot
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October 12th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I’m going to try this tomorrow!
Arjens last blog post..Create a Favicon for your website
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October 22nd, 2008 at 8:30 pm
[...] It’s okay to regret your past stuff-ups. It’s an opportunity to learn from the experience and become a better person. [...]
November 2nd, 2008 at 10:10 am
amazing post! trying this tomorrow. my ex boyfriend has left me and is doing way better then me. he wants me to ‘figure out’ what i did wrong, but its difficult, from today on i told him i wouldn’t be talking to him again until May. It seems impossible, but I’m going to try. If anything it won’t be impossible, just a challenge. I’m hoping Feburary maybe we’ll be back to normal. Thanks for the advice
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November 4th, 2008 at 6:09 am
I really feel like I want to be a better person, to make life for myself and for those around me easier. I feel like I don’t know how though - this may sound horrible, but how do you reconcile your attempts to be a better, more understanding, appreciative, receptive, non-judgemental person when there are people around who are so lacking in these qualities? I really feel doing mental work may be the key to being a better person
Working out why I get angry and irrrational, and how to become aware…etc.
Great blog!
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November 4th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Courtney:
I think the answer to your question lies in the question itself. (No, I’m not trying to sound like Yoda or a zen master)
You said: “how do you reconcile your attempts to be a better, more understanding, appreciative, receptive, non-judgmental person when there are people around who are so lacking in these qualities?”
The way I see it, the only work you can do is on YOU. People will do what they do. You can set an example, but you aren’t responsible for their actions. How you choose to live your life shouldn’t be impacted by how others choose to live their lives. In fact, when you focus on changing others, you are inviting a lot of stress into your life. I recently wrote about this in an article called: “Who’s Business Is That?.
Of course, another alternative is to choose to surround yourself with people who posses the qualities you are looking for!
Hang in there - it’s worth it!
-Patrick
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November 14th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
[...] HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON [...]
December 11th, 2008 at 7:07 am
I am a great father and a really good husband. I am a great friend to those close to me. However if I do not know you I come off as someone who “has a stick up his A_ _”
My friend told me a coworker made this comment about the guy in the property office (I am the only guy in this office). My friend defended me and a few people started telling funny stories about me. The Co-worker said there is no way that the person they are talking about could be the same person. When really friendly people come into my office my first reaction is this guy is a tool. Then I stop and think and I realise I am the tool, but I can’t help myself. The other day the man at dunkin donuts was so happy and friendly, treating me like I had been going there forever and it was only my first time. My 1st thought was he probably is in the country illegally. My second thought was he just wants a tip, but he was friendly to other folks in the bus station who were not buying things. He obviously is a nice guy. I am just a miserable person. So I decided to try and be nice to people and as the cheerful words come out of my mouth I think this is BS I sound like a total ass. I sound so phony and insincere. My smile feels fake. I watched a guy today walk by a State Trooper (I work at the airport so they are everywhere) and pat him on the shoulder say hi and shake his hand. I would never put my hand on anyone, its not me, I am not friendly. If he put his hand on me I would not be happy. Yet the normally stone faced Trooper gave him a big smile and a warm hello. Am I just doomed to be a miserable person the rest of my life?
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May 10th, 2009 at 7:05 am
@sean,
I kind of have the same problem myself. What I am trying to do is to find inner peace for myself, and forget what others think. I hate it that our motivation to be better people is a result of our interactions with other people. And it’s hard to forget about what other people think, especially when you feel like a target. I don’t have much adivice to give you, but if you truly think you are a miserable person on the inside then find the root of that and focus on how to make yourself less miserable. See, most people at this point would say that once you achieve this, then your inner peace will shine through to others. But again, it’s not about what others see. As long as you know you are not deliberately hurting people and are showing them respect, then screw what they think. Just focus on finding your inner happiness. Think simplicity. Take it from there.
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February 9th, 2009 at 4:28 am
thats a good mantra to start the day off. i recently got out of a relationship with someone i thought was the one and i feel like i just need to go thru a “rebirth” or something. my ex and i were together for about 4 years so its definately been hard. i can probably see where i went wrong though, i wasnt putting my all into it. see ive been hurt before and i just didnt want to get hurt anymore so i started shutting out and picking up bad habits (ie smoking, drinking, drug use, nonchalant attitudes). and whats crazy about it is i saw it happening but i couldnt stop doing it. it was destroying my relationship let alone destroying myself. so when my ex asked my if he deserved a better girlfriend than me, i told him yes you do. it hurt for me to say that because who thinks someone you truely love would ask you something like that and mean it but i had to tell the truth. i and after I said that I felt like i could have been happy through that time we were together but i chose to grieve on past hurt and it blinded me to what was right in front of me. ive came to terms that ive lost him to my negligence and i vow that to never happen again. its been hard, crying, relapsing on drugs, but after reading “Just wake up with the attitude that no matter what happens throughout the day, you are going to give your life the very best you have to offer! You are going to live your life in a way that makes you want to be a better person.” I now know that the only one responsible for your life and everything in it is you. i vow to forgive and move on with past squabbles and make each and every day worth it, at least for me. I vow to not smoke or drink. One because i dont like it and two because ive been using that as a crutch to feel better about myself. i am human i do deserve to be happy and one thing ive learned in this past 4 years is that you can you cant expect someone to love you if you dont love yourself. so i plan on loving myself, hell im taking myself on a date :), i have to learn to be a better person, it wont change overnight nor will it change the outcome of my life
thus far but from this day forward i vow to live my life day by day making a point to do something that truely makes me smile each day. Thanks, this helped alot!
Deanna
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February 9th, 2009 at 6:49 am
Deanna - you rock!
Doesn’t it feel great to be able to see a clear path to change? And you’ve made the biggest discovery of them all - that you need to love yourself first!
Good for you for deciding to throw away your crutches and take your life back! If you run into rough spots - just remember one vitally important thing: It’s ALL a choice!
Welcome to the new you!!
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February 10th, 2009 at 9:34 am
I’m feeling very hopeless — the most I’ve ever felt yet….which is why I’m here. I’m hoping for direction. My head is filled with an overwhelming (to me) amount of crap and I don’t know where to start. Can anyone help?
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February 10th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
@Janey Oltz, I sent you a private message via Facebook. Let’s talk.
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February 10th, 2009 at 9:41 am
P.S. I came to this page by searching ‘how to be a nice person’…and once I wrote to you here, I looked further and see that you’re popular etc. I am embarrassed to say that I have never heard of you. I’m glad that I found you and your site and I’m going to read and explore it right now!
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February 19th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I have just found your website today. I wake up in the morning dreading going to work, barely tolerating my job. I go to bed at night and instead of thanking god for all the wonderful people and things in my life, I dread the following day of doing the same thing. I found your website by asking google how I can be a better person, maybe I would be happier and people around me would notice the attitude change. I need to change my mind about how I feel every day about people who need my help or give me a task or the slow ticks of the clock. I would love to feel great when I wake up, to look forward to the day, instead of being so pessimistic, which I’m starting to believe comes easier to me than happiness for some reason. Maybe the anxiety, frustration and worry in my life will subside a little. Anyways, Thank you for the wake up call. I am going to work on seeing things in a new angle. I’m so glad I found your website.
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March 2nd, 2009 at 2:50 am
I am at total disappointment to my self and my family. My Dad kicked me out last nite. Trying to stop taking drugs. Trying to move closer to God. Finding it very difficult to change.
Feel like i am better off Dead than alive.
Need seroius help…
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March 11th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Patrick,
I’ve looked around at a lot of self-help books, sites, etc. and the advice is all very good. Really common sense, if you think about it. But it all seems very difficult to not only put into practice but to maintain. It’s rather exhausting, really. For that matter, life seems rather exhausting and I personally find it difficult to avoid falling into the trap of sort of giving up. While it’s certainly not more rewarding to be introverted or lazy or selfish, it is certainly easier, wouldn’t you agree? So how does one maintain the attitudes that you so helpfully provide? Day after day after day? I could wake up tomorrow morning and say that I’m going to live my life to the fullest, but if something happens to knock me back, it would be very easy to wake up the next day and say, “To hell with it.” Yes?
I guess I just don’t want to be a better person for a day. I want to make it a permanent change. But it’s making me tired just thinking about it.
Thanks,
HBH
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March 12th, 2009 at 6:44 am
@HBH, I couldn’t have said it better myself! Maybe we can help each other figure some things out?
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March 12th, 2009 at 7:18 am
@Janey Oltz, Brilliant idea, Janey. Two heads are better than one. How would we go about it?
I smell a movement afoot.
E-mail me at vanbto8@gmail.com. Let’s talk.
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March 14th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
@HBH (and @Janey Oltz), I hear you! I understand where you’re coming from and that sometimes the idea of having to recommit yourself each and every day can seem like a daunting task.
That’s why New Year’s Resolutions usually fail. People wake up on January 1 with great intentions of changing their lives for the better, but when they wake up on January 2nd, their first thought is: “Oh man! 364 more days of THIS??”
@HBH, you said: “I just don’t want to be a better person for a day. I want to make it a permanent change.” But that’s a lot like saying: “I just don’t want to shower and be clean for a day. I want to be permanently clean.” Life just doesn’t work that way I’m afraid. Life is messy and we get dirty, so we need to shower often.
I guess I would go back to what I said in the blog article. Look for something in your life that makes it all worthwhile. If you’re having trouble coming up with something… then I’d like to suggest that you reflect on the fact that this is the only life you get, so why not give it all you’ve got?
I’ve written something called the Mortality Manifesto Pledge and it is designed to be a tool to help people rededicate themselves to their lives on a daily basis. I encourage you to visit the link, read the Manifesto, download it (free), sign it, and TAKE THE PLEDGE.
It just might be the best gift you ever give yourself.
-Patrick
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March 17th, 2009 at 10:05 am
@Patrick Mathieu,
I was thinking (yikes!) –
If only changing was as easy and enjoyable as taking a shower!
What if showering was painful and we felt lost and unsure about how to take one? I think a majority of people would dread it every day and we’d have many more stinky people amongst us than we do now! For me, fortunately, taking a shower is not painful – it’s rather enjoyable and comes fairly natural. For that reason I take one regularly and reap the immediate benefits.
For me, changing things I dislike about myself is like dieting. I have to give up certain yummy unhealthy foods and replace them with not-so-yummy ones. Then add exercise to my routine (which also takes up time). Then, I desperately try to stay focused and convinced that, someday, I’ll have a better looking and healthier body – and that it’s all worth it. Then, like a dummy, I see some improvements and, for some twisted and sick unknown reason, I’ll eat poorly to reward myself. Or I’ll go back to my unhealthy eating habits then tell myself it’s easy – I’ll get right back to it – and don’t. Or I convince myself that I’m not all that unhappy with the weight that I am…and conclude that it’s not worth it…until I convince myself, on some horribly depressing day, AGAIN, that it is.
It keeps coming back to being self-disciplined, self-motivated and having a great positive attitude. I definitely need to stop thinking ‘I can’t’ and begin thinking that I can—even when it feels like I’m lying to myself! Eventually, it will become a truthful statement.
What are the steps for changing bad habits? A good idea might be to place a meaningful picture on my alarm clock in hopes to motivate me to get out of bed earlier than I do. Maybe I could write a short bullet-style note to myself to read every morning, placed by the toilet, to remind me of why I’m making the effort to change, etc.
I’m going to try that tonight
Thanks, Patrick!
Janey (a.k.a. The Procrastinating Perfectionist)
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March 14th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Hmmm… my link didn’t work. You can find the Mortality Manifesto Pledge at: http://www.MortalityManifesto.com/
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May 30th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Im 14…im stressed out every day, im always depressed and i somehow find negativity each day in someway or another…Schoolwork is overwhelming, friends are just adding more stress with their problems asking me for help when i cannot help myself, relationships go down because i tend to compete peoples problems with my own and i try to one up them…i try to find a place where i can sit and relaxe which is most times my room, but even then, the loud noises of the outside seeps in and makes me reach the point of giving up. I’ve tried meditation, poetry as a way of venting, and even exercising to let off some steam but yet nothing works..Is my enviroment my problem or is it just me? I “need” to see the better things in life, to be optimistic even in the bad times and to see that not everything is a negativity, but an opportunity to better myself and help those around me…but things are easier said than done..if you can help me, i would deeply, and gratefully appreciate it…
Penajosebarbara@yahoo.com
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June 3rd, 2009 at 12:38 am
I do want to be a better person, but i cant figure it out of how peopl can accept me and my ideas. though not everyone one avoids. i am well know by many people around me and got many casual friends…however i dont have a close friend…I would want to get a better friend too who will accept me for who i am and as well as i accept this person for who she or he is…i would love to get along with people, and i believe in my self alot and want to be the first all the time. i also feel i have some characteristics which i think draws people away from me, like when i am talking i talk woth boldness like a man, and like people to flollow me, i dont like to be blame that much though but i do like to admit my mistakes though. I like to help people and have this dream to be able to creat a better society and do not like to depend on people especially financially except if i am forced to becos i am still a student. Some of my characteristics is very hard on me…i cant control it..its like part of me…like when talking i talk like a very significant person and with body movemnts especiall my hand and also laugh like a very signicant person during times with people…sometimes when i am coming peopl gave way and space for me like a significant person…i have no controlver this i dont know how to improve all this. i appreciate some of my qualities but i want to be a better person….like as i talk people would not feel angered, envy or hurt . though i never want to hurt peopl but sometimes i have no control over my expressions like a significant person…or like a man. no matter who i am ….i just want to express in a simple way which can suit people…becos i want a better future.
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June 20th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Very inspirational, being the best you can be is great. It can help to be true to yourself and we really need it.
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