By Ali Hale
There are lots of ways to improve your self-confidence over the long-term – but sometimes you need an instant boost. You can’t walk into an important work meeting, (or a class at college or a room full of strangers at a party) whilst frantically re-reading a self-help manual, or making a last-minute phone call to your life-coach. So here are ten secrets to boosting your self-confidence in just a few seconds…
10 Secrets for Instant Self-Confidence
1. Smile
The one-second tip for when you’re feeling nervous and unconfident is simply to smile! You don’t just smile because you are happy and confident – you can smile to make yourself feel better. The act of smiling is so strongly associated with positive feelings that it’s almost impossible to feel bad while smiling.
Smiling is much more then just a facial expression. The simple act of smiling releases feel-good endorphins, improves circulation to the face, makes you feel good about yourself in general and can definitely increase your self confidence. … you will also appear more confident to others while you’re smiling.
- (5 Easy and Effective Ways to Improve Your Self-Confidence, LovnLivin.com)
2. Make eye contact
As well as smiling, meet the eyes of other people in the room. Give them your smile; you’ll almost certainly get one back, and being smiled at is a great self-confidence boost. Like smiling, eye contact shows people that you’re confident. Staring at your shoes or at the table reinforces your feelings of self-doubt and shyness.
This tip is particularly useful for work-related situations – make eye contact with interviewers, or with the audience for your presentation:
Eye contact helps take the fear away from the speaker by getting the audience closer to him. Stress is mainly a result of being with the unknown and uncontrollable. Eye contact gives the speaker a picture of the reality that is the audience. It also helps in getting the attention of the audience.
- (Confident Eye Contact, Unlimited Confidence)
3. Change your inner voice
Most of us have a critical inner voice that tells us we’re stupid, not good enough, that we’re too fat, thin, loud, quiet… Being able to change that inner voice is key to feeling self-confident on the inside, which will help you project your confidence to the world. Make your inner voice a supportive friend who knows you fully but also recognizes your talents and gifts, and wants you to make the best of yourself.
You still want to be able to hear the message, so don’t make it so chilled and laid back that you never take any notice of it. You can even choose 2, 3 or as many voices as you want for different occasions. Your voice should always support you, always be helpful, never aggressive and it never puts you down.
(Shut the Duck Up, Pick the Brain)
4. Forget other people’s standards
Whatever the situation that’s causing you a crisis of self-confidence, you can help yourself immeasurably by holding yourself to your own standards alone. Other people have different values from you, and however hard you try, you’ll never please everyone all of the time. Don’t worry that people will think you’re too overweight, underweight, too feckless, too boring, too frugal, too frivolous … hold yourself to your standards, not some imagined standards belonging to others. And remember that commonly-held values and standards vary from society to society: you don’t have to accept them just because the people around you do.
People’s values define what they want personally, but morals define what the society around those people want for them. Certain behaviors are considered to be desirable by a given society, while others are considered to be undesirable. For the most part, however, morals are not written in stone, or proclaimed by God above, but instead reflect local sensibilities. Different societies have different ideas about what is acceptable and not acceptable.
- (Values and Morals Clarification, MentalHealth.net)
5. Make the most of your appearance
Even if you’ve only got a minute or two, duck into the bathroom to make sure you’re looking your best. Brushing your hair, giving your face a good wash, retouching your makeup, straightening your collar, checking you’ve not got a bit of parsley stuck between your teeth … all of these can make the difference between feeling confident in your physical appearance and feeling anxious about an imagined flaw.
Perfect your physical appearance: There’s no denying that one’s grooming plays a crucial role in building confidence. Although we know what’s on the inside is what truly counts, your physical appearance will be the first to create an impression.
- (Building Blocks to Self-Confidence, Complete Wellbeing)
6. Pray or meditate briefly
If you believe in a higher power, whether God, or another spiritual force, it can be a real boost to self-confidence to say a silent prayer. (You could also meditate instead of praying.) This helps you to take a step back from your immediate situation, to see the wider picture and to seek help from something or someone greater than yourself. This is a Christian prayer, but you could write something similar that fits your own religious beliefs or spiritual tradition:
Dear God, thank you that you love and accept me as I am … please help me to do the same … and help me to grow to become the person you want me to be so that my God-confidence and self-confidence will increase greatly—all for the glory of your name and not mine. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Amen.
- (Daily Encounter, Strengthen Your Self-Confidence, Acts International)
7. Reframe
If something unexpected happens, it’s easy to let it knock your fledgling self-confidence. Perhaps you spill your drink on someone, you arrive late for the big meeting because of traffic problems, or someone who you wanted to speak to gives you a cold brush-off. Try to “reframe” the situation; put it in the best possible light: often, events are only negative because of the meaning we attach to them.
- (Tim Brownson, A Daring Adventure)
8. Find the next step
Keep your self-confidence up by taking gradual steps forwards, rather than freezing when faced with what seems like a giant leap. If you’re not sure what to do, look for one simple step that you can take to make progress. That might mean making eye contact at a party, introducing yourself to a stranger, breaking the ice in a meeting, or asking a question of your interviewers that shows your knowledge of their industry and company.
Start taking action even if you don’t have a clear idea of what needs to be done. Start moving towards your goal. Make corrections later.
- (6 Keys to Develop the Action Habit, Illuminated Mind)
9. Speak slowly
An easy tip for both seeming and being more self-confidence is to speak slowly. If you gabble, you’ll end up feeling worse as you know you’re being unclear to your audience or to the person you’re in a conversation with. Speaking slowly gives you the chance to think about what you’re going to say next. If you’re giving a talk or presentation, pause at the end of phrases and sentences to help your audience take in what you’ve said.
A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to.
- (25 Killer Actions to Boost Self-Confidence, Zen Habits)
10. Contribute something
Have you ever sat through an entire class at college or meeting at work without saying a word? Have you had an evening out where friends chatted happily while you sat and stared silently at your drink? Chances are, you weren’t feeling very self-confident at the time – and you probably felt even worse afterwards. Whatever the situation you’re in, make an effort to contribute. Even if you don’t think you have much to say, your thoughts and perspective are valuable to those around you.
By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.
- (10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence, Pick the Brain)
Do you find yourself lacking in self-confidence at times? How do you cope with these situations? Share your tips in the comments…
The Blogging Blog
Hi Ali,
Sometimes people just drag their confidence downhill because they are always repeating negative thoughts to themselves and our thoughts define our reality. By changing our inner voice and speak to ourselves in a more positive way, it will definitely boost our self confidence.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
am trying to develop my cofidence but sometime feel so bad and also think negative thought in my head.
Hi Ali
out of many reasons,one strong reason behind lacking self confidence is the failures of the past, which stops a person moving aggressively or confidently,
Regards
abid
Hi
I sometimes spend a bit of time imagining and visualising how I would like it to be. That brings up all of the feelings of success and confidence which at least put me in a positive space.
Juliet
I kept thnking, “OK, I’ll mention THIS tip in the comments.” And then I’d read another great tip and thing, “No, wait, I’ll talk about THIS one.” Good stuff.
But to choose one to mention, I really like, ‘Speak Slowly’. This one is so often missed as a key to confidence. I have such a tendency to speak quickly because I’ve trained myself to believe that if I don’t get the words out quickly, someone will interrupt and I won’t get to finish. But what this does is make me come across as lacking confidence. Which is something I struggle with.
Thanks, Peter, for the reminder to take a deep breath and ‘Speak Slowly’. Eric.
I put that tip in because I’m a terrible gabbler — I’ve always talked fast (usually because I get excited or nervous!) and people occasionally have to ask me to slow down…
me too ,for this case ,i went to see the doctor today,and ask her if i have some psychological problem or sth.but she told me it is normal ,and i need to improve our sefl-confidence.
The old adage ‘when I look great, I feel great’ is so true. Taking an extra few moments to take a total account of appearance, loose ends, accessories etc, has made a huge difference for me. As a corporate trainer, the first the my audience perceived was the image I presented to them…followed by my presentation. It always helped to look sharp and feel confident and follow with the rest of the tips.
Great post!
That’s a great list Ali and thanks for the link to my video on reframing!
I would like to pint out one serious error though. Do not make eye contact if you are a women attending a Taliban elders meeting. That won’t work, trust me ;-)
And don’t maintain steady eye contact with that shaven-headed six-foot-four bloke in the local boozer, especially when he’s holding a broken glass in his hand…
;-)
My confidence tip is to maintain a Universal Perspective, remember how small we all are and how fleeting our lives are. This may at first feel intimidating but once you get past the ego and accept this, you will be able to rise above the Battle of the Egos out there and smile at it all (because it is all so, so silly) and this will give you immeasurable self-confidence.
Works for me anyway!
Great list!
I often use number 3 – that inner voice can be a ‘killer’.
I also ‘pretend’ to be someone else. Think of a great speaker and pretend to be them – just before you present yourself.
Andrew
These are great tips, and will come in handy for my up coming promotional interview.
Thanks! Good luck with your interview.
Excellent post. I’ll offer a big way to go on number 4!
“Forget other people’s standards”
If we all just did this our confiedence would be over-flowing.
The tip about speaking slowly was very interesting. Up until now- I thought that a sign of intelligence was being able to speak quickly, as if you know everything about the topic that you were speaking about. After reading this- I realize that I only think that because a “fast-talking scientist” was the image that I was thinking of when I thought of intelligence. Now, I find people that talk fast annoying, it seems to me as if they are trying to prove their “smarts” to you.
In every aspect it seems as if silence commands respect.
Stop worrying about other people’s opinions, absolutely!
Great tips, Ali.
I am interested on your first point : smile. You are right that smile can boost our confidence because I experienced it myself.
And I am also interested on speak slowly point, because all this time I have been speaking quickly.
Thanks for sharing this.
You write confidently; I am sure that your tips will work!
i like your style of writing, very useful article :)
A subject close to my heart Ali, and I particularly love points 3, 4 and 10.
I’ve come to see self-confidence as a muscle – just like your glutes or biceps, if you want to develop it you’ve got to get out there and work it. Muscles develop in response to the level of performance you’re exposed to – that means that the more confident you need to be the more confidence you develop.
The trick is not letting yourself get in the way!
These are great tips for yourself.. but, how would you go about applying them to someone else that you may know? My boyfriend and i have been together close to a year and he still has issues with self image. He will not change in front of me and is a bit too self concious when in bed with me. not letting me take his shirt off. I think it may have something to do with the fact that he has exima.. does anyone have any tips?
Nice work Ali.
Tip 1(Smile) and Tip9(speak slowly) are so true. I used to think that by speaking fast, you will picture urself as if you have command over what your are talking and shows your confidence. But that is so wrong, I was often told by people to slow down, never thought that my fast pace is sounding like jibberish to them.
Thanks for your tips….
Not all fast talking people do it to appear smart. And yes, it is definitely a sign of intelligence.
powerful list.
comes down to having a strong reality.
i think most important is to realise that you are complete already. nothing can complete you. then you stop being reactive, stop looking externally for validation and ARE confidence.
awesome stuff.
alex
hi
these tips are great.
but how to create much stronger belief on that super power.
by knowing better to him or by just belief because other says it exist.
Interesting what you wrote about smile. I never thought about it this way, now I will try to remember and maybe help others.
Thanks for the story, found it valuable. I have found using affirmation cards has assisted me with the negative self talk. While they do not work instantly, I have found having a set on my desk, placed so my eye frequently catches the ‘card of the week’ has been a good strategy.
I think my weak point is speaking out….Any idea how to overcome??
I think alot of times, one can get too logical about life. Life aint logical, and it’s alot simpler than we think. Simplicity should be what we should endeavor to do, more discernment less overthinking!
We think and think till it all becomes compartmentalised and rigid and mechanical.
It’s how about how we are able to feeel, it’s really easy to find things to enjoy an ice cream, a choclate bar half way through the day, life’s abundant when we’re grateful. It suprises me how so many people complain about nothing, they’re warm, they have a roof over their heads, their healths fine. We should be able to enjoy the lush things, a plunge in a pool, an ice cream, life’s a sensual experience.
Confidence, I agree about the smile, in Chinese the character for confidence and faith are the same. AFFIRMATIONS are the most impacting for confidence, ‘I affirm today that I’ve been able to…(list) and That’s who I am’ the next day comes yesterday you felt good about and here today comes and your focused in who you are. And you build up your affirmations and their strength overtime you get into a power mode that you can’t conceive of today. But have off days but affirmations are real powerful! Make them the centre of your being and who you are, when you invest who you are into something it’s something deep like your identity, so your bound to go at things with enthusiasm then.
Another thing, while I’ve visited, most people don’t perservere, the true people that make the breakthroughs they always stick things out they just have a determination of spirit, and EXPECTANCY, people lose expectancy as they grow older, but they shouldnt Expectancy in of its self the feeling of it brings you your results. When we work on how we feel that’s the secret I think.
Feeling confident is just about Feeling it not being in the restriction of the mind!
hi when im at work i have low confidence. i dont speak at none of the meetings. i feel as if im just being stepped on always. when im told to do something im not suppose to do. like being used i dont speak up for my self. i dont know how to speak up for myself how can i get help with this.
Hi Melissa. If you want to start to speak out and be heard, you have to practice hearing your own voice first. Here’s an idea. Write down a phrase of why you want to speak out. Practice saying it out loud in front of the mirror until you really start to hear yourself saying the words. ( It takes a couple times for you to get really comfortable)
Once you are comfortable saying the words to yourself, ask a friend to listen to you say the phrase. When that gets comfortable, ask 2-5 friends to listen to use say the phrase. When that is comfortable, ask a group of friends to listen to you.
When you have completed all of that, break out of your comfort zone and speak to people you don’t know. If they don’t speak back, that’s ok. You want to feel the rejection, but then quickly recover from it by doing it again and again until it doesn’t bother you anyway. If you complete this exercise, you will be so transformed that your office will miss the good ole’ days in the meetings, when you hardly talked at all. (smile).
To your success.
well, it’s clear you’ve put some time, effort and research into this article.
i’m a smiler..even if i’m faking it…and i do make eye contact n all that without much thought
.. but i have issues which #’s 3 4 & 10 are good for. =]
thanks.
Great post. With great confidence I made this one of the three links today on my Other Thought for the Day blog:
http://otherthoughtfortheday.b.....ation.html
All the best, Ted
This is a wonderful post. I just re-read each post to see which ones I resonate most with – and I do with about 8 of them. The other two I enjoyed reading about and plan to give them a shot! Keep it up!
Thanks!
Mike
Thank you for these reminders Ali. They are great tips not only for adults but also for young people who are still trying to find their voices. What you shared are very practical and realistic. I’ll keep them in mind the next time I need a boost in the self-worth area.
I am facing some very hard times at the moment, after graduating overseas in IT, I found myself totally unemployed for about a year. a few months ago I got a job at a big hotel where I was put to the bottom of the heap as a spa cleaner. Everyone was cool to me, but the inner voice is always putting me down, how can someone so highly qualified can end up like this? I usually ask myself. But the point is, I was really having fun of myself, and it was truly cool until I was introduced to the team leader. She picked on me fairy quickly and now she negs, yells and acts like she is the smartest person on earth. Whatever opportunity she has, she will make sure she puts me down. I know she does not say it openly, but her actions and small jokes make me feel embarrassed for her, not for me. I am the most polite and caring person you can think of, and I guess that is why people like that pick on me instanlty. They can even smell the humbleness in the air, I guess. I’m truly sad about that, and I guess it’s time to change this before it’s too late.
Thanks for this great article.
hi there
thank you for you efforts. its a wonderful ideas indeed.
hi , everyone , it a good website and it is a good subject as we are English students we hope we improve our skills such as public speaking , so M.Tim Brownson could you give us some advices about self-confidence.
thanks.
this is great
“Self-confidence is knowing that we have the capacity to do something good and firmly decide not to give up.”
- His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Great article: here are four simple ways to increase self confidence and restore faith in you!
1. Think “positive”: write down at least 10 things you’ve done well or been proud of in the last few weeks. Look at the list and think, what does this tell you you’re great at? You could also try to write down a few things each day that you’ve done well. They don’t have to be huge achievements, just stuff you’ve done a good job of. Also think about what you actually done to make these good things happen. Here you’re focusing on not only the outcome but also the process too. See negative experiences as temporary and specific to a situation.
2. Think “solutions”: big problems sometimes seem impossible to achieve, so break them down into smaller parts. Completing these small parts will make you feel more confident and valued.
3. Think “passion”: determine what you do best and then reorganize your life, if possible, to spend more time doing these activities.
4. Think “praise”: be alert to praise both informal and formal. A smile, lack of complaint, a nod, etc can all be taken to mean someone is happy about what you’re doing. Look out for the small signs that have big meanings.
Thanks for that, A lot of tips in here seems what I lacked of,
Smile is a very powerfull facial expression, And it’s the first thing i did once i read it,
instant self confidence, I am about to lost my confidence at this time, but this tips
will keep me to move ahead. Salamat (thanks)
“What is it that drives us forward? Is it the wind of change or is it something deeper; something not fully understood? when we are young ambition drives us to prove something if not to ourselves then to someone else. And yet, when we stop our proving and enjoy our journey for the journey’s sake we become bigger, more relaxed, open and sincere”
This is a quote from the book called ‘Inspirational leadership’, its a very easy book to read and has alot of little stories from the autor. The author is called Harley Lovegrove, he writes a blog also which follows the same lines. Good for these small little quotes.
Well said!
Building confidence is the single most important part of personal development. Every topic revolves around it in some way or another. Learning how and most importantly putting the new knowledge to use is the most crucial step. You can fish all you want, but if you don’t cast the lure in to the water, you will never catch a fish!
Nice post!
so simple and easy-to-impliment tips! I am sure every one would use atleast one of the tips that can elevate their self-confidence. Great post!
10 great secrets, thank you for sharing!
Diane
l ve been looking for a post like, this is a great list to boost your self confidence. thanks.
tnx. for the suggestion. i will try it for my own sake… I hope it helps it a lot to me..
If we choose to write down 5 to 10 positive things we do each day we may find that there will be more and more positive items show up each day. In a not so great day we can do many things well and spend out time focusing on the one moment that didn’t go well. Everybody has those moments so we need to learn that it’s just and event and nothing more so don’t attach the entire day to it. Your confidence will grow with focus on the good and moving along through the no so good.
Boost Your Esteem
Good article.
Another tip I can give for getting self confidence is to imagine yourself at your utmost best. Imagine yourself having all that success you want, achieving your goals. After you imagine that for a few minutes, you will see that you enter an amazing state of absolute confidence.
Try it for yourself ;-)
one of the greatest threat against self confidence is the thought that “what others would think of us”
and my kind advice is to be yourself and dont bother the external world
Nice list! I think that smiling is the key. Become a more positive person and you’ll instantly become a more confident person. Maintaining eye contact is another very important trait of every self-confident person. Slowing down (and I’m talking not only about slowing down your speech and movements) is a very effective tip, yet many people don’t put it in practice. Stop hurrying and start enjoying life more! Boom – instant confidence.
Controlling the inner voice is a really cool way to take control of your confidence in my opinion. Just being able to yell “shut up” can do wonders instantly to help give you a boost and allow you to move forward in what you want to achieve.
I like your idea of instant self confidence.
As I was reading your post, I thought of another possible secret to add to the list.
SELF CHALLENGES. Set daily personal goals for yourself, so your confidence will continue to be fed and your face can shine like the morning star.
Thanks for the blog. Have a Super Day.
have read many articles and dont take the time to comment on anything really I read on the internet but this is a GREAT article. Thank you.