10 Secrets for Instant Self-Confidence
By Ali Hale
There are lots of ways to improve your self-confidence over the long-term – but sometimes you need an instant boost. You can’t walk into an important work meeting, (or a class at college or a room full of strangers at a party) whilst frantically re-reading a self-help manual, or making a last-minute phone call to your life-coach. So here are ten secrets to boosting your self-confidence in just a few seconds…
10 Secrets for Instant Self-Confidence
1. Smile
The one-second tip for when you’re feeling nervous and unconfident is simply to smile! You don’t just smile because you are happy and confident – you can smile to make yourself feel better. The act of smiling is so strongly associated with positive feelings that it’s almost impossible to feel bad while smiling.
Smiling is much more then just a facial expression. The simple act of smiling releases feel-good endorphins, improves circulation to the face, makes you feel good about yourself in general and can definitely increase your self confidence. … you will also appear more confident to others while you’re smiling.
- (5 Easy and Effective Ways to Improve Your Self-Confidence, LovnLivin.com)
2. Make eye contact
As well as smiling, meet the eyes of other people in the room. Give them your smile; you’ll almost certainly get one back, and being smiled at is a great self-confidence boost. Like smiling, eye contact shows people that you’re confident. Staring at your shoes or at the table reinforces your feelings of self-doubt and shyness.
This tip is particularly useful for work-related situations – make eye contact with interviewers, or with the audience for your presentation:
Eye contact helps take the fear away from the speaker by getting the audience closer to him. Stress is mainly a result of being with the unknown and uncontrollable. Eye contact gives the speaker a picture of the reality that is the audience. It also helps in getting the attention of the audience.
- (Confident Eye Contact, Unlimited Confidence)
3. Change your inner voice
Most of us have a critical inner voice that tells us we’re stupid, not good enough, that we’re too fat, thin, loud, quiet… Being able to change that inner voice is key to feeling self-confident on the inside, which will help you project your confidence to the world. Make your inner voice a supportive friend who knows you fully but also recognizes your talents and gifts, and wants you to make the best of yourself.
You still want to be able to hear the message, so don’t make it so chilled and laid back that you never take any notice of it. You can even choose 2, 3 or as many voices as you want for different occasions. Your voice should always support you, always be helpful, never aggressive and it never puts you down.
(Shut the Duck Up, Pick the Brain)
4. Forget other people’s standards
Whatever the situation that’s causing you a crisis of self-confidence, you can help yourself immeasurably by holding yourself to your own standards alone. Other people have different values from you, and however hard you try, you’ll never please everyone all of the time. Don’t worry that people will think you’re too overweight, underweight, too feckless, too boring, too frugal, too frivolous … hold yourself to your standards, not some imagined standards belonging to others. And remember that commonly-held values and standards vary from society to society: you don’t have to accept them just because the people around you do.
People’s values define what they want personally, but morals define what the society around those people want for them. Certain behaviors are considered to be desirable by a given society, while others are considered to be undesirable. For the most part, however, morals are not written in stone, or proclaimed by God above, but instead reflect local sensibilities. Different societies have different ideas about what is acceptable and not acceptable.
- (Values and Morals Clarification, MentalHealth.net)
5. Make the most of your appearance
Even if you’ve only got a minute or two, duck into the bathroom to make sure you’re looking your best. Brushing your hair, giving your face a good wash, retouching your makeup, straightening your collar, checking you’ve not got a bit of parsley stuck between your teeth … all of these can make the difference between feeling confident in your physical appearance and feeling anxious about an imagined flaw.
Perfect your physical appearance: There’s no denying that one’s grooming plays a crucial role in building confidence. Although we know what’s on the inside is what truly counts, your physical appearance will be the first to create an impression.
- (Building Blocks to Self-Confidence, Complete Wellbeing)
6. Pray or meditate briefly
If you believe in a higher power, whether God, or another spiritual force, it can be a real boost to self-confidence to say a silent prayer. (You could also meditate instead of praying.) This helps you to take a step back from your immediate situation, to see the wider picture and to seek help from something or someone greater than yourself. This is a Christian prayer, but you could write something similar that fits your own religious beliefs or spiritual tradition:
Dear God, thank you that you love and accept me as I am … please help me to do the same … and help me to grow to become the person you want me to be so that my God-confidence and self-confidence will increase greatly—all for the glory of your name and not mine. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Amen.
- (Daily Encounter, Strengthen Your Self-Confidence, Acts International)
7. Reframe
If something unexpected happens, it’s easy to let it knock your fledgling self-confidence. Perhaps you spill your drink on someone, you arrive late for the big meeting because of traffic problems, or someone who you wanted to speak to gives you a cold brush-off. Try to “reframe” the situation; put it in the best possible light: often, events are only negative because of the meaning we attach to them.
- (Tim Brownson, A Daring Adventure)
8. Find the next step
Keep your self-confidence up by taking gradual steps forwards, rather than freezing when faced with what seems like a giant leap. If you’re not sure what to do, look for one simple step that you can take to make progress. That might mean making eye contact at a party, introducing yourself to a stranger, breaking the ice in a meeting, or asking a question of your interviewers that shows your knowledge of their industry and company.
Start taking action even if you don’t have a clear idea of what needs to be done. Start moving towards your goal. Make corrections later.
- (6 Keys to Develop the Action Habit, Illuminated Mind)
9. Speak slowly
An easy tip for both seeming and being more self-confidence is to speak slowly. If you gabble, you’ll end up feeling worse as you know you’re being unclear to your audience or to the person you’re in a conversation with. Speaking slowly gives you the chance to think about what you’re going to say next. If you’re giving a talk or presentation, pause at the end of phrases and sentences to help your audience take in what you’ve said.
A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to.
- (25 Killer Actions to Boost Self-Confidence, Zen Habits)
10. Contribute something
Have you ever sat through an entire class at college or meeting at work without saying a word? Have you had an evening out where friends chatted happily while you sat and stared silently at your drink? Chances are, you weren’t feeling very self-confident at the time – and you probably felt even worse afterwards. Whatever the situation you’re in, make an effort to contribute. Even if you don’t think you have much to say, your thoughts and perspective are valuable to those around you.
By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.
- (10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence, Pick the Brain)
Do you find yourself lacking in self-confidence at times? How do you cope with these situations? Share your tips in the comments…
About the author: Ali is a postgraduate student and professional writer. She runs Alpha Student (grab the RSS feed), a blog which aims to help students get the most of their time at university.
You might also like:
- 7 Keys to Successful Public Speaking
- The Beauty of Breathing
- Are You Trying to Live Up to Other People’s Values?
- How to Build the Confidence Habit
- Become a Person People Want to be Around
Learn how I found happiness and meaning and how you can too. Get your FREE copy of my e-book by signing up.
36 Comments
December 17th, 2008 at 7:46 am
Hi Ali,
Sometimes people just drag their confidence downhill because they are always repeating negative thoughts to themselves and our thoughts define our reality. By changing our inner voice and speak to ourselves in a more positive way, it will definitely boost our self confidence.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Reply
December 17th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Hi
I sometimes spend a bit of time imagining and visualising how I would like it to be. That brings up all of the feelings of success and confidence which at least put me in a positive space.
Juliet
Reply
December 17th, 2008 at 9:46 am
I kept thnking, “OK, I’ll mention THIS tip in the comments.” And then I’d read another great tip and thing, “No, wait, I’ll talk about THIS one.” Good stuff.
But to choose one to mention, I really like, ‘Speak Slowly’. This one is so often missed as a key to confidence. I have such a tendency to speak quickly because I’ve trained myself to believe that if I don’t get the words out quickly, someone will interrupt and I won’t get to finish. But what this does is make me come across as lacking confidence. Which is something I struggle with.
Thanks, Peter, for the reminder to take a deep breath and ‘Speak Slowly’. Eric.
Reply
December 19th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I put that tip in because I’m a terrible gabbler — I’ve always talked fast (usually because I get excited or nervous!) and people occasionally have to ask me to slow down…
Reply
December 17th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
The old adage ‘when I look great, I feel great’ is so true. Taking an extra few moments to take a total account of appearance, loose ends, accessories etc, has made a huge difference for me. As a corporate trainer, the first the my audience perceived was the image I presented to them…followed by my presentation. It always helped to look sharp and feel confident and follow with the rest of the tips.
Great post!
Reply
December 17th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
That’s a great list Ali and thanks for the link to my video on reframing!
I would like to pint out one serious error though. Do not make eye contact if you are a women attending a Taliban elders meeting. That won’t work, trust me
Reply
December 19th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
And don’t maintain steady eye contact with that shaven-headed six-foot-four bloke in the local boozer, especially when he’s holding a broken glass in his hand…
Reply
December 17th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
My confidence tip is to maintain a Universal Perspective, remember how small we all are and how fleeting our lives are. This may at first feel intimidating but once you get past the ego and accept this, you will be able to rise above the Battle of the Egos out there and smile at it all (because it is all so, so silly) and this will give you immeasurable self-confidence.
Works for me anyway!
Reply
December 18th, 2008 at 2:01 am
Great list!
I often use number 3 – that inner voice can be a ‘killer’.
I also ‘pretend’ to be someone else. Think of a great speaker and pretend to be them – just before you present yourself.
Andrew
Reply
December 18th, 2008 at 11:27 am
These are great tips, and will come in handy for my up coming promotional interview.
Reply
December 19th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Thanks! Good luck with your interview.
Reply
December 20th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Excellent post. I’ll offer a big way to go on number 4!
“Forget other people’s standards”
If we all just did this our confiedence would be over-flowing.
Reply
December 20th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
The tip about speaking slowly was very interesting. Up until now- I thought that a sign of intelligence was being able to speak quickly, as if you know everything about the topic that you were speaking about. After reading this- I realize that I only think that because a “fast-talking scientist” was the image that I was thinking of when I thought of intelligence. Now, I find people that talk fast annoying, it seems to me as if they are trying to prove their “smarts” to you.
In every aspect it seems as if silence commands respect.
Reply
December 23rd, 2008 at 6:24 am
Stop worrying about other people’s opinions, absolutely!
Reply
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:09 am
Great tips, Ali.
I am interested on your first point : smile. You are right that smile can boost our confidence because I experienced it myself.
And I am also interested on speak slowly point, because all this time I have been speaking quickly.
Thanks for sharing this.
Reply
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:16 am
You write confidently; I am sure that your tips will work!
Reply
January 5th, 2009 at 3:49 am
i like your style of writing, very useful article
Reply
January 6th, 2009 at 11:08 am
A subject close to my heart Ali, and I particularly love points 3, 4 and 10.
I’ve come to see self-confidence as a muscle – just like your glutes or biceps, if you want to develop it you’ve got to get out there and work it. Muscles develop in response to the level of performance you’re exposed to – that means that the more confident you need to be the more confidence you develop.
The trick is not letting yourself get in the way!
Reply
January 12th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
These are great tips for yourself.. but, how would you go about applying them to someone else that you may know? My boyfriend and i have been together close to a year and he still has issues with self image. He will not change in front of me and is a bit too self concious when in bed with me. not letting me take his shirt off. I think it may have something to do with the fact that he has exima.. does anyone have any tips?
Reply
March 19th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Nice work Ali.
Tip 1(Smile) and Tip9(speak slowly) are so true. I used to think that by speaking fast, you will picture urself as if you have command over what your are talking and shows your confidence. But that is so wrong, I was often told by people to slow down, never thought that my fast pace is sounding like jibberish to them.
Thanks for your tips….
Reply
March 21st, 2009 at 2:17 am
Not all fast talking people do it to appear smart. And yes, it is definitely a sign of intelligence.
Reply
April 15th, 2009 at 6:19 am
powerful list.
comes down to having a strong reality.
i think most important is to realise that you are complete already. nothing can complete you. then you stop being reactive, stop looking externally for validation and ARE confidence.
awesome stuff.
alex
Reply
April 24th, 2009 at 1:44 am
hi
these tips are great.
but how to create much stronger belief on that super power.
by knowing better to him or by just belief because other says it exist.
Reply
June 20th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Interesting what you wrote about smile. I never thought about it this way, now I will try to remember and maybe help others.
Reply
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Thanks for the story, found it valuable. I have found using affirmation cards has assisted me with the negative self talk. While they do not work instantly, I have found having a set on my desk, placed so my eye frequently catches the ‘card of the week’ has been a good strategy.
Reply
November 13th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I think my weak point is speaking out….Any idea how to overcome??
Reply
December 30th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
I think alot of times, one can get too logical about life. Life aint logical, and it’s alot simpler than we think. Simplicity should be what we should endeavor to do, more discernment less overthinking!
We think and think till it all becomes compartmentalised and rigid and mechanical.
It’s how about how we are able to feeel, it’s really easy to find things to enjoy an ice cream, a choclate bar half way through the day, life’s abundant when we’re grateful. It suprises me how so many people complain about nothing, they’re warm, they have a roof over their heads, their healths fine. We should be able to enjoy the lush things, a plunge in a pool, an ice cream, life’s a sensual experience.
Confidence, I agree about the smile, in Chinese the character for confidence and faith are the same. AFFIRMATIONS are the most impacting for confidence, ‘I affirm today that I’ve been able to…(list) and That’s who I am’ the next day comes yesterday you felt good about and here today comes and your focused in who you are. And you build up your affirmations and their strength overtime you get into a power mode that you can’t conceive of today. But have off days but affirmations are real powerful! Make them the centre of your being and who you are, when you invest who you are into something it’s something deep like your identity, so your bound to go at things with enthusiasm then.
Another thing, while I’ve visited, most people don’t perservere, the true people that make the breakthroughs they always stick things out they just have a determination of spirit, and EXPECTANCY, people lose expectancy as they grow older, but they shouldnt Expectancy in of its self the feeling of it brings you your results. When we work on how we feel that’s the secret I think.
Feeling confident is just about Feeling it not being in the restriction of the mind!
Reply
Trackbacks
Share your thoughts, leave a comment!