“Everything you do is by choice. It may not seem so, but it is…” – Louise Hay
In 2012 I had the worst year of my life.
I worked in a finance job that I hated and I lived in a concrete jungle city with little greenery. I occupied my time with meaningless relationships and spent copious quantities of money on superficialities. I was searching for happiness and had no idea where to find it.
Then I fell ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and became virtually bed bound. I had to quit my job and subsequently was left with no income. I lived with my boyfriend of then only 3 months who financially supported me and our relationship was put under great pressure. I eventually regained my physical health, but not long after that I got a call from my family at home to say that my father’s cancer had fiercely progressed and that he had been admitted to a hospice.
I left the city and I went home to be with him.
He died 6 months later.
My father was a complete inspiration to me. He was always so strong that, for a minute after he drew his last breath, I honestly thought he would come back to life. I couldn’t believe I would never again cuddle into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what.
The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5 children and our mother, but we had each other.
But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad back. It got so bad after 2 months that she too was admitted to hospital.
They discovered that she had highly advanced cancer in her bones and that there was nothing that they could do.
She died 1 month later.
I could never put into words the loss of my sister in my life.
She was a walking, talking angel and my favourite person in the whole world. If someone could have asked me the worst thing that could ever happen, it would have been losing her.
She was my soul-mate and I never thought I would journey this lifetime without her.
The Moment Of Deliberate Choice
The shock and extreme heart break brought me to my knees. The pain was so great and my world just looked desolate. I had no real home, no money, no job, and no friends that cared. Not one person had even sent me a sympathy card for my loss.
I made an attempt of my own life and I ended up in hospital.
I remember lying in the hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling and seeing my sister’s beautiful face. She stayed with me all night long.
I realised during that night that I had a choice. I could choose to end my life or I could choose to live it.
I looked in my sister’s eyes and I made a decision not to go with her just yet. That I would stay and complete my journey here.
I also made the decision that, I wouldn’t just live any life. I would live the life that I absolutely LOVE and nothing less.
In that moment, the clarity that descended around me was like a light shining in a dark room for the first time. As if the earth’s plates had shifted under my feet and everything suddenly looked real for the first time.
The Blossoms Of My Newly Chosen Life
Since then I have begun to shape the most beautiful life for myself.
I now live in an adorable stone cottage in a stunningly green, luscious region of the UK amongst woodlands and lakes.
I have a deeply harmonious, joyful relationship with my amazing boyfriend, who’s gone through all this with me and we are very happy together.
I write a blog that inspires others to live the life that they love. It is what I know I was born to do and it truly makes my heart sing.
I am making new friends with beautiful souls all around the world.
I practise gratitude for my life every single day and I feel the abundance in everything I have now.
I spend quality time with the rest of my precious family and cherish every moment I have with them.
I have written a bucket list and am already manifesting so much of which I have always dreamed.
I connect with my heart often to ensure that I am always following my joy.
I love myself more deeply every day.
I live authentically now.
It took something powerfully transformative in my life to make me wake up. Wake up to some fundamental truths of life.
This life is a gift if you want to accept it. No matter what the obstacle, you can make your life abundant with joy and you can live authentically.
Not a day goes by when I don’t miss my father’s huge character or my beloved sister’s gentle brown eyes, but I know that I will be with them one day for an eternity. What I have now is so precious and so fleeting that I must grasp the joy in every moment I can, and treat it as the gift that it is.
You choose life every day. But do you choose the life that you love every day?
Photo by + Rainbow +